Vinegar & pepper does not make it better!

Rochdale AFC 0 - 2 Dagenham and Redbridge FC

Journey:

Noon. Littleborough. Early by normal standards and in fairness my normal match day routine does not involve a diversion via Littleborough anyway.

But this is no ordinary match day. Today is the home leg of the least understood (and to be honest least likely) derby game of the League Two season. The phenomena that is - Dale vs. Daggers. El classico del norte - es en!

My little detour into Littleborough meant I could meet up with the gentlemen scholars of the Royal Borough of Dagenham as they finally made landfall in God's country. Regrettably Mr. O'Shaughnessy had not made the trip this time - a source of no small relief to the wheelie bin population of the borough, although perhaps not to the licensee trade - however, Mr. Evans in his capacity as Cultural Attache for Essex had taken time out of his world tour of England by VW camper van to make the pilgrimage north - and he had brought guests.

Mr. Evans nephew - young Mr. Spencer - had the look of a young man north of Watford for the first time in his life. But after half an hour of no-one attempting to put a ferret down his trousers he seemed to accept that we may be just like real people afterall. The balance of the Attache's entourage was made up by his two Uncle's - the Bravva's Spencer. Having been in their company for just a very few minutes it became clear that they had been engaged in an argument on the way north - and possibly for the last forty years or so. Slightly scary to start with but progressively more hysterical as the day progressed.

A brief stop off at the Sun Hotel for a little light refreshment and then onward to Spotland - with the Bravva's Spencer in my car. From the back seat I got a monologue on how watching the Daggers this season was 'just like watching Brazil' - and from the front seat a monologue on the topic of 'one way systems in the North of England' - occasionally punctuated by a fresh outbreak of good natured hostilities.

With the distractions going on in the car I missed a turning and arrived at the ground with just moments to spare. Having directed the Bravva's Spencer to their stand I had a sudden and overpowering sense that I had gone deaf.

Weather:

So after some weeks of the weather of the sub-continent gracing the hills, dales and kebab shops of eastern Lancashire - normal service was resumed. A heavy overcast accompanied by a chilly breeze with the promise of rain for later. It kept its promise.

Food:

Today I made a startling discovery. For years I have been under the impression that the pies at Spotland were Hollands. They are not. They are Clayton Park pies. Fancy that...

There was however another food story today...

The Cultural Attache for Essex had not come north empty handed. He had brought a gift. A food item symbolic of his proud, warrior people.

...Jellied eel's.

They were to be eaten as a forfeit by myself and Mr. Keane in the event that Dagenham really did play like Brazil and romped off with all three points. No pressure then.

How to describe jellied eel's - well, they smell slightly better than they look - and they smell like the Thames at low tide. We were however assured that vinegar and pepper would mitigate the worst of their 'flavour'.

Away Support:

I suspect that between the contents of myself and Mr. Keane's car's we contributed about ten percent of the Daggers following today.

Action:

So, Dale coming off the back of two straight wins and by all reports the Dagger's playing like Brazil - a mouth-watering prospect was surely in store.

Indeed it was - for about five minutes.

Dale started brightly enough - moving the ball around quite nicely and producing a couple of incisive runs from Rundle down the left. Then they simply stopped.

Dagenham were urgent and direct in their play. Dale looked lethargic and uncharacteristically clueless. Even when Dale have played badly this season you could always see that there was a plan - however badly executed. It just didn't look that way today.

Dagenham's opener typified the malaise which had afflicted the home side today. Stanton became involved in an altercation with a Dagenham player near the centre circle and came off worst - quite unlike Stanton, instead of getting back into position - he stood there indicating he should have a freekick. Mr Webb saw things differently and waved play-on. The Daggers poured through the gap and two passes later Benson drove home from close range. 1-0 Daggenham. Oh dear...

The best I can say about the balance of the first half is that at least we didn't concede any more. The highlight of the half for Dale was Sam Russell's Ronaldinho moment on the right touchline whilst evading the Daggers left winger. Very classy.

Half time was every bit as poor as the first half. Mr. Turner was once again a no-show so there were none of his crazy antics to divert our attention - this of course meant that we had spent more time watching the game than is normally the case.

What a day to have to watch the game.

'Kick it into the crowd' was a hollow sham as no-one from the crowd would come onto the pitch to take part. Even the dragon passed this time.

Mr. Mitchell has a new coat - god this really is getting desperate...

The second half. Rochdale have made something of a name for themselves as 'a second half team'. As Mr. Webb indicated the restart - a number of the Sandy faithful around me muttered knowingly about our second halfishness (is that really a word?).

Sadly, to a man - they were wrong.

If anything, things got worse. Dagenham were out competing Dale in pretty well every department. Everytime a black and blue shirt received the ball - two yellow ones were swarming all over it. Dale simply couldn't match the level of intensity Dagenham were generating - the number of Dale players caught dithering on the ball was in truth a bit embarrassing.

When Saunders set up the rather bizarrely coiffured Ritchie for the Daggers second on 68 minutes no-one could really complain. 2-0 Daggenham.

The afternoon was summed up perfectly when Dagnall eschewed a shot on the Daggers goal, instead attempting to put the ball out for a throw-in.

the four minutes of stoppage time were in my opinion cruel and unusal.

Summary:

Good points? Well there weren't many. Buckley was OK in patches. Thompson was a breath of fresh air in the last ten minutes and produced Dales three best crosses in his brief contribution. Aside of that it was pretty bleak - just like the weather. A thoroughly deserved victory for the Pride of Essex.

I can't really explain what happened today - it is just about the worst I have seen Dale perform in years. Probably best we get this kind of thing out of the system early in the season.

And so to the eels...

Like Rochdale's performance today - vinegar and pepper does not make it better - I have had worse things in my mouth, but this really is neither the time or place.

I have a feeling a portion of Lancashire's finest Tripe will be heading south with us in January.

Turner Watch:

I'm not entirely certain where Mr. Turner was during the game - probably doing something selfless and world saving as is his want. However, I know where he was after the game - well - quite a long while after the game. If you encountered a man in a super-size pink afro wig in Bar Mystique, Rochdale - you have met the man-god that is Mr. Turner.

4/10/08