Instant Karma

Rochdale AFC 2 - 1 Chesterfield FC

Journey:

Do you remember Tom andJerry? Course you do.

Do you remember the ones where Jerry befriends the boxing kangaroo? Let me remind you:

Tom chases Jerry - Jerry's cause seems utterly lost - Jerry switches places with the boxing kangaroo (disguised as a mouse by now - just work with me on this - OK!) - the kangaroo beats the living daylights out of Tom. It's an old, old story...

What I want to know is where were Rotherham hiding their kangaroo?

A week later and I still can't explain what happened - 2-0 up - and then disguised kangaroo time! I have another forty games this season - I don't think my nerves can take that again. What I need now is a nice 'gimme' tie to calm me down - thank god we've got Chester today...

Chester - FIELD! Not Chester! CHESTERFIELD! Oh no - not Chesterfield.

Their mascot is Chester the Fieldmouse - it's fate.

When I joined the traffic jam on Roche Valley Way - I could have turned back - I really could. But No! I am on a noble quest to follow Dale the length and breadth of this fair isle.

That - and I've had a load of '101 Project' T-Shirts printed this week - and I haven't paid for them yet.

Weather:

Not a cloud to be seen. I drove up to Spotland with the windows down - I even risked the forearm-out-of-the-window pose - although having Radio 2 blasting out of my stereo probably ruined the effect to some degree.

Blue skies - hot sunshine - male Rochdale fans in shorts. Not all upside then... There is a time and place for shorts on men. The time is rarely - the place is certainly not Rochdale.

Being a total stranger to fashion as I am, Mr. Keane's arrival was both exotic and bewildering. A Fenchurch hooded top; paired with the product of what appeared to have been a succesful raid on Kanye West's sunglasses collection. It used to be about the football Mr. Keane - remember? A little sunshine and he goes all Hollywood on me. Celebs!

Food:

As I arrived Mr. Mitchell was surreptitiously disposing of a Twix.

I was delighted to see that Mrs. Mitchell had joined us once again - it reminded me of something I saw in the week: Holland's are looking for part time pie tasters. What is brilliant about it is that they pay you - get this - in pies!

You are now wondering what has Mrs. Mitchell got to do with pies or pie tasting for that matter...

Because she was there.

She was there the day I ate seven pies during 90 minutes of football. (Thank god we got rid of Paul Simpson - I could have been as big as a house!)

To my knowledge, that record has never been broken.

Today I had one pie and a diet coke. Watching my weight - I'm sure you understand.

Away Support:

300. No. Not like the movie - much less oiled, man thigh.

Action:

Last season I seem to recall that I dismissed Chesterfield as being little better than an ice hockey team. Refreshingly, this season they have produced a niggly, over physical, un-sportsmanlike variation on the theme of football that... Ahhh - now I come to think of it, that is exactly what they did last season.

Two dismissals last week at the Royal Borough of Dagenham, plus Jack Lester's enforced absence meant that Chesterfield's starting line-up was somewhat depleted. Dale's starting line-up remained unchanged from last weeks trip to '80's theme park world. Higginbotham replaced the intemperate Thorpe on the Dale bench.

Lets not dwell too deeply on the first half. The Spirites achieved their goal of ensuring that the absolute minimum of football was played. Dale were willing conspirators. There were chances for both sides - Chesterfield actually looked quite handy when they decided to play and Dale could point to a couple of great opportunities including a point-blank Rhodes effort saved by the Chesterfield keepers face.

So - half time again. Hendrix - 'Cross Town Traffic' blared from the PA as myself and Mr. Keane performed the compulsary 'paper and comb' noises. Sometimes I pity the people who have to stand near us - well - except Staedler and Waldorf; who get right on my nerves.

The real Mr. Golden Gamble was back - and had the unalloyed joy of introducing us to a new half-time game - 'The Crossbar Challenge'. And when I say new, I obviously mean - was good fun on Soccer AM, when my children were small - but has basically been done to death ever since. The whole episode became touched by a whiff of the amateur when no-one from the crowd emerged to take part. In the end Desmond the Dragon was wheeled up to fill the time on the promise of £1000 for a local charity.

You have all seen American sports movies - so you know how this plays out. The first two kicks were woeful - and then, with the music from 'The Natural' booming in my mind the Dragon crashed the ball against the bar from 18 yards. You couldn't write it. Oh. I think I just did.

Dale normally start the second half well - but in fairness to the Derbyshire Anti-Football Collective - they moved into the ascendency creating a selection of decent chances which provoked a string of quality saves from Sam Russell in the Dale goal.

Thankfully Dale weathered the - well lets not say storm, lets say vigorous shower - OK? On 67 the Shaker Maker moved into space on the right and unloaded a cross into the box. Well I am assuming it was a cross - that or the spirit of Marco Van Basten has possessed Will Buckley - and as Marco is still warm and upright I am going to assume cross.

Nonetheless, it evaded Carson in the Spirite's goal and nestled in the top right corner. 1-0 Dale.

After some rather over excited celebrations, the Shaker Maker had to be pulled from the Sandy Lane crowd by his feet - he had just cause to celebrate, he is now Dale's top scorer.

A bit of excitement, a bit of luck, are we done yet... No!

On 85 Gary Jones gave away a freekick thirty yards from the Dale goal. Jamie Ward stepped up and unleashed possibly the most unorthodox free-kick I have ever seen. It squirmed under or through the wall and arrived at Russel on the second or third bounce - Sam had a moment - fumbled - and the ball trickled into the net. 1-1.

I think the kangaroo may be back again.

Or perhaps not. In the closing moments of added time a long clearance from Russel saw Rhodes bearing down on Carson in the Spirite goal. At the moment Rhodes got his rather rushed shot away, Carson bore him to the ground. Due to the hurry, the ball went straight upwards and hung in the air - seemingly forever - before dropping oh so slowly towards the Chesterfield goal - only to bounce harmlesly wide. But as the ball bounced out of play Mr. Haines had already blown for the foul on Rhodes and was indicating a free kick on the edge of the area. Carson went in the book.

So Dale set up for a direct free-kick, in the 94th minute, to seal an unlikely win against a gritty opponent - in my mind the irksome statistic that Dale have never scored directly from a freekick under Mr. Hill's management loomed large. Then something very odd happened...

Jamie Ward - the scorer of Chesterfield's equaliser had trotted from the half way line, just as Mr. Haines had the wall just as he wanted it - and proceeded to dawdle between the wall and the ball as Tom Kennedy shaped to take the kick. Mr Haines had no doubts - a second yellow card equalling a red card and goodbye Mr. Ward.

Kennedy finally stepped up to take the kick on 97 minutes.

Is that the music from 'The Natural' again?

Left foot, top right corner, GOAL! 2-1 Dale.

Summary:

Not really a great game. Chesterfield deployed their typical tactic of stopping the opposition playing at all costs which they did to good effect. With a fit Jack Lester in the side I suspect that the Spirites could have prevailed today.

Dale were not bad but were by no means great, that said they came away with all three points - sometimes that is just how it goes. Gary Jones was inspirational and kept Rochdale going for much of the game - Will Buckley, well what can you say? Tom Kennedy, he was due - thank god it was today.

It seems ages since we won a game - it's nice to be back.

After the game two very unusual things happened:

I got an anonymous tip off that Playboy Dan had been seen hanging from the window of a car at Spotland Bridge singing 'Tom Kennedy - he's not a bucket any more!!!' at innocent passers-by.

I found a group on Facebook - 'Rochdale A.F.C.' - check it out. It was started by two blokes who live in Athens, Greece: Panos & Costas - they are die hard Dale fans. Dale has gone global.

Amazing...

Turner Watch:

Running for U.S. vice-president under an assumed name - and sex.

20/09/08