The Long Road To Grimsby

Grimsby Town FC 0 - 0 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

Standing outside Rochdale town hall on a rainy evening in May - that is how this journey began.

Amongst a bedraggled group of Dale fans, Mrs. Eden-Maughan and I peered through the drizzle as the Rochdale staff and players mugged, sheepishly down at us from the balcony.

It was intended as a joint celebration of Rochdale AFC's centenary season and a hero's homecoming after our rightfull triumph at Wembley Stadium. In practice it was a vaugely uncomfortable gathering of a couple of hundred people who had managed to bunk off work and were prepared to brave the elements. There was some mumbly singing of 'Away the Dale' which petered out fairly quickly in the face of a pitiless, persistent shower.

All rather unsatisfying.

After a few words from Messers. Hill, Flitcroft and Jones it was all over. Summertime was upon us again.

Through the departures of Lee, Doolan, Muirhead, smoking and the Big Jag - the sales of Matty Hughes to Glasgow Celtic and David Perkins to Colchester United. Through Spain's long overdue triumph in the European Championships. Through trips to Scotland, Ireland, Turkey and an accidental visit to the top of the Natwest Tower in London. Through the arrival of Toner, Keltie, Wiseman and Shaw - one thought was on my mind - when do we start again?!

Today!

At noon Mr. Keane, Keane jr and Mr. Turner arrived and boarded the medium sized Audi. Just under two hours later - allowing for a traffic jam outside Leeds - we arrived in Grimsby.

Weather:

The Inuit peoples of North America are famous for having hundreds if not thousands of words for 'snow'. This is not strictly true. They have hundreds if not thousands of words for types of snow. Lets face it - when your entire world experience is literally filled with nothing else - you can be forgiven for expending a few words on it.

It is interesting that the British have so few words for rain.

Our trip to Grimsby pretty well used all the ones we knew - I even made up a few, which I regret are not printable here.

Food:

Unusually none of us ate in the ground - I had something which was billed as coffee as did Mr. Turner. At £1.50 a throw I had expected French roast - or at least Nescafe - what I got I suspect had been dredged out of the Humber earlier that morning.

The reason none of us ate in the ground is quite simple - we visited a chip shop near the ground before the game. The queue was huge - it took over ten minutes just get into the shop - but boy was it worth it! A tray of golden brown chips topped by what appeared to be a batterd and deep fried whale shark - all for just £3.50. Ace! I was even prepared to forget the amazing basin hairstyle the bloke behind the counter was sporting - truly breathtaking.

Ground:

Considering the last ground I visited was Wembley - whatever came next was inevitably going to be something of a come-down.

I had not quite anticipated how far down.

There is one modern-ish stand - reserved for the home fans - the rest seems to have been bought as a job lot when a battery chicken farm was closed sometime during the 1960's. Our 'stand' although all-seater was wooden - I mean - c'mon!

Having absorbed the surroundings my attention turned to the pitch - well, after I had found a seat where I could actually see anything - the pitch, oh lordy! Whilst beautifully mowed and manicured - one could not help but notice that it was - well - a little un-even. Perhaps during the closed season it is marketed as a scale model of the Lake District...

The only really high point of Blundell Park was 'The Mighty Mariner' - Grimsby's club mascot - who produced possibly the most erotic dance routine I have ever seen from someone in a foam suit. Quite how much I enjoyed it is between myself and the lady who does my laundry...

Action:

I don't tend to go to the friendly games - this year was no exception - so today would be my first chance to see our new signings in-the-flesh, as it were.

Having finally located a seat with an unimpeded view it became clear that our new striker Mr. Shaw (Shaw, Shaw, Shaw - how do you like it, how do you like it? - yes... I know) would not be taking part in the game. Pleasingly Mr. Thorpe had evidently recovered from his encounter with USS Howe on the way to Darlington - so I felt sure he would start, probably with Dagnall.

Erm - no...

Dagnall and St. Adam to start. We have tried this partnership before - I am not convinced.

Everything pointed to Jones and Keltie anchoring the midfield - which was the case. The only remaining question was who would start on the right - Messers Keane and Turner favoured Higginbotham - but having seen Scott Wiseman slice through Dale's defence at the Darlington Arena, I had a feeling Mr. Hill might give him the nod. How right - and - how very wrong I was...

In the course of last season I received significant and persistent criticism on the subject of the 'Action' section of the match report. Namely: it is far to long and I really don't know anything about football anyway. So, allow me to summarise:

The first half was rubbish. I think that covers it.

At half-time we were privileged to receive a visit from 'Playboy Dan'. He admitted that he had only popped over in the hope of getting into the report - well done Dan!!! Half-time also gave us time to reflect upon the performance of Mr. Pawson - who was officating in his first game in the football league. I am certain he was glad that he could fall back on - 'It's my frst day'. At no point in the game did he actually make a valid decision - all in all, rubbish.

The second half was better - Dale really did go for a win - but the Mariners keeper: Barnes, was just too good and held Rochdale very firmly at bay. He even managed to deal with a point blank effort from Dagnall which looked certain to clinch all three points.

As Mr. Pawson managed to successfully put the whistle to his lips (OK, he got that right) the five or six hundred Dale fans who had made the trip offered a standing ovation to the Dale squad as they trudged off the sodden pitch.

Summary:

OK! It was a rubbish game! What is there to shout about in a 0-0 draw?

It is our best start to the season in 4-5 years - thats what!

It was disappointing not to see Shaw. Despite my rememberings of last seasons play-off's, Wiseman did not convince as a right-winger in any measure - our search for a right-winger goes on. I really liked Keltie - he does not have the frantic intensity of Perkins - but, he is cultured, considered and comfortable on the ball. I see a great partnership with Jones developing this season - it is just a shame that he looks so much like Hellboy...

In spite of having kicked the habit and recovered much of my sense of smell - I didn't notice the infamous fish smell - well except when I was eating the huge fried fish - but you would kind of expect that - and I can tell my grandchildren that I have been on 'The road to Grimsby'. Thank-you Roger Mellie.

Turner Watch:

In spite of an extensive and insidious misinformation campaign by Mr. McCabe - this section of the match report will not be replaced by a section called 'Chub Chat' this season.

Mr. Turner was back to his very best today- and as Mr. Mitchell didn't make the trip, we didn't get told off for misbehaving either - although the interlude of singing songs from Buggsy Malone in the second half was a little dis-quieting.

'We couldha been anythin' that we wanted to be....' Although not today!

9/08/08