Sunburn

AFC Bournemouth 4 - 0 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

Sun, sea, sand and... Well just sun, sea and sand to be honest. 11:30 am Bournemouth seafront.

It had been sunny and clear when Messers Culshaw, Ashworth and I left Rochdale just after noon yesterday. The 270 mile journey south meant that pleasant spring weather in gods country was exchanged for something approaching summer in Dorset.

The journey to Bournemouth had been a long one. Six hours in total. The last hour was spent covering the final ten miles into Bournemouth due to a huge traffic jam. Jane continued her rehabilitation - performing flawlessly - she didn't even forget where she was or where she was going this time.

She has developed a strange new 'feature' though. Bonging. This started after her recent brain/personality transplant. Every now and again - she makes a noise like Big Ben. There doesn't seem to be any specific reason for this. Flushed with my recent success - I even tried reading the manual again. Unfortunately, there wasn't a section on 'Random Big Ben noises' - so I can't make it stop. I expect it is probably down to the bats in her belfry.

Our accomodations for yesterday evening had been quite acceptable. The Hotel Royale is a rather grand affair located not far from the sea front. There was a gentle smattering of Dale fans - but the majority of the guests were members of the Bournemouth Choral Society who were having their annual dinner and dance. I should point out at this stage that the Bournemouth Choral Society is in no way connected to the Littleborough Debating and Choral Society. The average age of the membership is a major difference for starters.

The rather grand surroundings coupled with large numbers of the older generation left me with the uneasy feeling that I might just be trapped in an episode of Fawlty Towers. Naturally I didn't mention the war.

So, it took ages to get here and I had to spend an evening in a hotel full of OAP's - but with the sea lazily lapping at the shore, the sun beating down on my head and the outside possibilty of an ice cream - it looked like being an absolutely perfect day...

Weather:

Not to labour a point - but it was glorious.

Food:

Breakfast in the Hotel Royale was a treat. A serve yourself buffet affair. Clearly they had not anticipated me taking then at their word. My plate looked like one of those volcano models you make at school when I finally returned to my table.

After some delay I had finally collected my press pass from the office at Dean Court - to find another little treat. A meal ticket. I have never come accross this before. Basically the ticket allows you one food item and a drink - both before the game and at half time - very civillised.

However, having over indulged at breakfast time I was not well placed to take advantage of the hospitality at Dean Court before the game. By half time I wouldn't be that interested in food...

Ground:

I have been to a lot of football grounds. Dean Court is quite unlike any of them. Football grounds tend to be wedged in somewhere in a town or city centre - or - tucked away in a housing or industrial estate somewhere on the outskirts. Dean Court is located in a park.

Handsome trees line the approaches - there is a cricket pitch, complete with a Victorian pavillion, facing the ground - and then there is Dean Court itself. From the outside it looks neat and modern - but the inside is unique. There are three stands - the area behind one goal is empty - and all three stands match. I have never seen this before. Remarkable.

In the corner of one of these stands 400 Rochdale fans made their presence known. As this season has worn on I have been amazed and delighted by the Dale faithful. For a club who have a typical home gate of 2500 - taking an average of 300 fans to away games is extraordinary. I am sure that someone, somewhere keeps stats on these things - but taking 12% of your home gate to away games must be some kind of record.

To complement the symetry of the stands the pitch was like a bowling green. A perfect pitch to match a perfect day - it just gets better and better.

Action:

I usually treat news of new signings with a degree of caution - sometimes verging on skepticism. However, this week I cast aside my usual reticence - and got really very excited indeed. Whilst munching a sandwich on Wednesday lunchtime I saw a story on the official Rochdale website. Dale had signed a new striker! Friday Pollosa. Having spent a season with Rochdale's partner club in Malta, Hibernians, where he had scored 27 goals - the Botswana under 21 international would be joining Rochdale, taking squad number 13, and would be available for selection today.

I hungrily scoured the internet for more information about our latest aquisition. The problem was - the only thing I could find was the article on the official website - which seemed odd. Then I began to ponder. If he had scored 27 goals in a season - why would Hibernians just let him go for free? The transfer window closed last week didn't it - how can Dale sign another player? Squad number 13 - Friday the 13th? I began to smell a rat. Then I remembered the date - Wednesday was April 1st. Friday Pollosa is an anagram of 'April Fools Day'.

I caught up with the author of the article, Mr. Brookes, before the game. Naturally he seemed quite pleased with himself. I wasn't the only who was fooled though. Rochdale's sports scientist Mr. Svensson had rung in asking for more information so he could start building a training programme for the non-existent striker. Good one Mr. Brookes - good one.

In other news, I finally managed to get the missing score for Littleborough Yellows game last week from Mr. Keane. Another win by four goals to one. The Yellows remain second in the league behind Chadderton.

Dale would revert to their more traditional 4-4-2 line up. Despite rumours that Gary Jones injury woes were finally over, he would once again fail to make the squad. Stanton had begun his two game suspension following his 10th yellow card of the season against Exeter - Ramsden would deputise (sporting a Mr. T haircut - very fetching). Buckley would drop to the bench to be replaced by Thompson on the right wing. LeFondre (pink boots - whatever next?) would replace Dagnall and Rundle would move out to the left.

Rochdale needed to win today to keep their automatic promotion hopes alive following a string of inconsistent results. Bournemouth needed to win today to stave off the very real threat of relegation - brought on by a seventeen point deduction at the beginning of the season. With the sun beating down on the beautifully manicured green acres of Dean Court I took my place next to Mr. Culshaw to see who needed the win most.

Things started well enough. Both sides probing the others defences. Bournemouth probably slightly more patient than Dale. However on 12 minutes the early calm was dispelled. Liam Feeney contrived to get past Kennedy - Kennedy had won the ball, only to lose it again. No matter though, Rundle stepped in and won the ball, only to lose it again. Feeney lashed the ball to the edge of the area where it found a prowling Brett Pittman. Ramsden moved to charge down his shot. The ball flicked off Ramsden, looped up in the air and over the stranded Fielding. 1-0 Bournemouth.

Seven minutes later, Feeney struck again. Kennedy was once again powerless to stop his surging run. With an indecent amount of time and space at his disposal, Feeney cut back infield and unleashed a fizzing left foot shot which defeated Fielding's dive and slipped just inside the back post. 2-0 Bournemouth.

Rochdale rallied and produced two decent efforts of their own. A thumping drive from Rundle, spilled by the Cherries 'keeper, Jalal, was almost bundled home by Thorpe and in the closing moments of the half a shot on the turn from LeFondre was also spilled by Jalal - resulting in a corner.

Sadly, these were Rochdale's only two shots on target all game. Bournemouth were very much in control and any attempt to break the strangle hold they were exerting was clinically snuffed out. The Cherries were quicker to every ball and more purposeful in possession. Dale looked like eleven men who had never met before.

Half time was something of a mercy.

Changes seemed inevtable. However the changes were surprising. Adam Rundle who had been one of the few bright spots in the first period came off in favour of Buckley. Mark Jones was replaced in central midfield by Rochdale's on-loan left back, Tom Newey. All very peculiar.

In the second period Dale scratched around pretty unconvincingly, producing nothing worthy of comment. Dagnall replaced Thompson around the sixty minute mark and Dale went 4-3-3. It made little difference.

Whilst Mr. Culshaw wrestled with the technical complications three false starts at the Grand National can cause a live broadcast, Bournemouth decided to put Dale out of their misery. A long clearance was flicked onward to Pittman who found that the Rochdale defence had evaporated in the warm sunshine. 3-0.

Minutes later Thorpe limped off the field meaning Dale would play out the balance of the game with ten men. The Rochdale fans were leaving in significant numbers by now. One fan making his break for freedom through the vacant area behind the goal - a number of yellow clad officials helped speed him on his way.

To cap an utterly wretched afternoon, on ninety minutes the Cherries decided to produce an action replay of their third goal with the same consequences for Dale and rounding off Pittman's hat trick. 4-0.

This was a far from perfect day.

Summary:

One of the perks of being part of the press pack is being able to hear Keith Hill's thoughts after the game. I have listened to his comments after wins, draws and defeats - in all cases he has accentuated the positives - even after a defeat. Today was different.

Mr. Hill did not emerge from the dressing room for more than half an hour. The team's sports scientist Mr. Svensson was posted on the dressing room door to shoo away inquisitive journalists. When he did finally emerge - he simply said sorry. I'm not sure he could have said anything else.

This was the worst performance from Rochdale I have ever seen - ever. I was there when Shrewsbury hammered us 7-1 - even then you could see what the team were trying to do, sadly it just didn't work. Today there was no sense that Dale had any idea what they were trying to do.

Both teams needed to win. Bournemouth needed and wanted it much, much more. They out thought, out fought and out played Rochdale in every department.

After a 540 mile round trip all I have to show for it is a mild sunburn.

Turner Watch:

As I arrived at the Hotel Royale, Bournemouth I got a text from Mr. Turner. 'What time are we setting off for Bournemouth - when are you picking me up?'

Oops...

4/04/09