Don't call me Shirley

Rotherham United FC 2 - 2 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

Droning. I woke up this morning to the very faint sound of droning.

After a Friday night get together of the Littleborough Debating and Choral Society, insistent ringing is slightly more normal - but no - droning. Almost imperceptable - but there none the less. I checked with Mrs. Eden-Maughan: 'can you hear that? - 'hear what?' she replied. I didn't press the point - she has been convinced that I hear voices for years - no sense in fueling the fire.

Today marks a first but probably not a last for the 2008/09 season. For the first time since 2001 I am going to an away game - on my own.

So - wiggling an index finger in my ear: still droning - I mounted up and headed for the land of the rising sun.

I'll be honest with you. I had been a little concerned about going solo. But - do you know what, it was truly liberating.

No complaints about my choice of radio station - Radio 2 all the way, no complaints about how fast I drive - under 70 all the way and no requests to stop at services, turn the air-con on/off, turn the music up/down - bliss...

An hour of gentle progress whilst taking in the glories of the Pennines and I arrived in Sheffield. Still droning though - it seemed to be getting louder.

Weather:

Blue skies and warm sunshine - is this the Indian summer we constantly hear about? Interestingly, the people of the Indian sub-continent have a word for typical English summer weather - they call it monsoon.

It might be a bee - possibly a large fly. Droning.

Food:

As already detailed, Friday night had involved a trip to Littleborough for a couple of quiet drinks - swiftly followed by several very noisy ones. Consequently, before I made the trip over the hill I had to make a pit stop for McMedicine - two cheeseburgers later and I was thoroughly on the mend.

Maybe a hummingbird. Drone, drone, drone.

£2.50 at the Don Valley Stadium gets you a Pukka meat and potato pie. Quite agreeable once it had cooled down - which took around twenty minutes. I suspect they had been using a jet engine on full afterburn to warm the pies - the first bite was a little like eating lava (I have a surprisingly large range of experience in this area).

Jet engine - now we're getting somewhere. It's like a plane - just a long way off - droning.

Ground:

If the unthinkable happened and Rochdale got themselves into a load of financial bother and lost the ground - you know in your heart that any rescued Dale would end up playing on Bowlee playing fields. Rotherham United however end up with the Don Valley Stadium - home of the 1991 Student Games - the burner for the Olympic style flame is still there.

It is your classic athletics bowl complete with running track. Uncovered seating around the inner rim of the bowl and a large covered stand on one side. For the purposes of today both Dale and Miller's fans would be in the covered area - 3,500 all told - 5-600 Dale.

I haven't been to this type of stadium before - it is one of only two in the Football League. The pitch seemed miles away and as the game wore on it became clear that all that empty space could swallow any attempt to generate an atmosphere. Not ideal for football - comfy seats though.

It is definitely getting louder - 'Can anyone else hear that?'

Action:

Right. So I had been deserted by Messers Keane, Mitchell and Turner - but this seasons revelation: Playboy Dan didn't let me down. I caught up with him in a pub over the road from the ground and spent the game in the company of the enigma that is - the Playboy.

I was thankful I could spend some time with Rochdale's newest celebrity because the football was pretty poor fayre.

Rotherham sides of yore were big, strong and happy to hoof it up the middle to a predictably gigantic striker who would happily bundle ball and keeper into the back of the net. It would seem that the new financial realities had caused them to downsize their players and curtail any residual creative impulses they may have had.

They were very poor to watch - the total silence from the home crowd said it all.

Dale struggled a little in the face of some typically uncompromising Miller's defending - but on 43 minutes an incisive passing move saw loaner Jordan Rhodes latch onto a rebounding shot which he lashed home to make it 1-0.

It can't just be me - that is definitely getting louder.

Half time saw the volcanic pie episode play out - the Playboy had similar challenges - but handled it like any undercover operative would. Oh - I may have said too much...

The only other real development was the sun settling just above the roof of the stand - from where it would shine directly into my eyes for the balance of the game.

Dale began the second period confidently and on 51 minutes were 2-0 up. More classy build-up play saw the Shaker Maker blast a low drive past Warrington in the Rotherham goal.

Right this is getting silly - it sounds like it is right on top of me.

Onward the black and blue tide rolled - and as they rolled forward, the clock rolled back. It was like being back at the end of last season. This was the best I had seen of Dale this term - surely three points were beyond doubt...

Well - they weren't - and, don't call me Shirley.

On 66 minutes, St. Adam made way for Lee Thorpe. It may have been the sun in my eyes but I could have sworn Leslie Nielsen appeared very briefly and spoke to Lee as he crossed the white line.

'I just want you to know, we're all counting on you'.

Just three short minutes later he was heading back accross the white line.

Two feet, entirely too airborne and a prone Rotherham defender left Mr. Drysdale with no doubts - straight red.

The droning had stopped... Replaced by the ear-splitting howl jet engines make as they hurtle towards a blind date with the ground.

On 77 under heavy Rotherham pressure the usually nerveless McArdle cracked and put the ball into his own net. 2-1.

Although seriously under the cosh, Dale were just managing to hold on - with minutes to go Dagnall had a golden opportunity to stretch the lead and play Rotherham out of the game. An over anxious lash at the ball saw it soaring over the bar. Still 2-1.

The Dale faithful all silently prayed for the board - well until the fourth official produced it that is - 6 minutes time added on!

Mayday! Mayday! We are going in...

95 minutes, Rueben Reid, top right corner, 2-2...

BOOM!

Summary:

Sublime to ridiculous. 66 minutes of the best football I have seen from Dale this season - including two cracking goals. Followed by two catastrophic error's of judgement and some form of temporal vortex on the touchline which delivered the longest period of time added-on I have seen since the nets collapsed at Spotland a few years back. I think the officials that day only added on ten minutes.

I checked up on the Thorpe dismissal - it isn't the fastest Dale red card of all time. The record is currently 18 seconds and is held by - Keith Hill...

Surely things can only get better from here. We'll see I guess - and, don't call me Shirley.

Turner Watch:

Brokering a new middle east peace deal. Probably.

13/09/08