Through the looking glass

Rochdale AFC 1 - 2 Brentford FC

Journey:

10:45am. Hare Hill Park, Littleborough. The latest chapter in Littleborough Yellow's 2008/09 league campaign. The visit of local rivals, Wardle.

As I watched Keane jnr. and his team mates go through their warm up - my mind slipped off to my own, rather brief, career as a schoolboy footballer.

I had a number of natural gifts that would shape my time as a footballer:

No pace, no talent and no idea. In summary, I was not very good.

However, in spite of my numerous short comings - I managed to play half a dozen games for St. Peter's Junior School, Hazel Grove in the early summer of 1982. Measles were doing the rounds and they were really desperate for players.

In my short tenure I collected no cards and scored no goals - but I did make one assist, against Norbury Hall School:

A Norbury corner. I was loafing around somewhere near the edge of the area - when the ball ballooned up in the air, landing somewhere near the halfway line. Whilst everyone else was wondering where the ball had gone - I was running. I collected the ball and continued to sprint towards the Norbury goal. It was all going quite well so far - but, what the hell was I going to do when I got there? The Norbury keeper advanced off his line. What to do, what to do?

I decided to go for glory. The ball slid off my boot and went sideways.

Fortunately, football is a team game. My team mate Mr. Duo was alert to the fact that I had absolutely no idea and had run the length of the pitch to help out. My 'shot' arrived at his feet just as he arrived on the edge of the area - the keeper, now miles off his line was stranded. Mr. Duo did the rest. 1-0 St. Peter's! St. Peter's would go on to win the game 1-0 thanks to my 'natural gifts' and Mr. Duo's foresight.

Sometimes having a clueless liability on the pitch can work out.

...and back to the present. The Mighty Yellows saw off Wardle 3-1 and maintained second spot in the league. Keane jnr. delivering an assured performance between the sticks.

I met up with Playboy Dan and Amancalledshaun in the Studd's Bar a little later and discussed possible outcomes for today's encounter with Brentford. The Playboy had dreamt last night that Dale would win the game 1-0, courtesy of a Chris Dagnall header - which seemed a bit far fetched to be honest - I mean c'mon - Chris Dagnall, a header! That's just Alice in Wonderland stuff...

Having met Mr. Culshaw, I collected my press pass and made my way to the media area.

Since I started doing match commentary a few people have asked me, which one am I? Am I the one who does the actual commentary? - or - are am I the other one who states the obvious and makes inane unrelated remarks? I am the other one. Glad to clear that up for you.

Weather:

Overcast, breezy and chilly. By now you have probably worked out that this is normal weather for Rochdale.

Food:

Due to my commentary duties I would not be in a position to provide my weekly update on meat filled pastry goods. I had been hoping for a despatch from Messers Keane, Mitchell and Jones on the delights of the Sandy Lane Patisserie. Unfortunately events today would dictate that for once - pies would not be the main talking point of the game.

Away Support:

There were rumours that the travelling support from Brentford exceeded 800. There certainly were lots of them - more than the typical away contingent - but I don't think it was 800. 4 perhaps 500 max.

A good natured bunch who seemed to be determined to have a good day out. They sang, cheered and waved their banners enthusiastically throughout.

Action:

The big news this week is that Nicky Adams has further extended his loan from Leicester City by another month - with hints that there may be a further extension to come. In other news, Dale's very own invisible man - Nathan D'Laryea - has gone out on loan to non-league outfit Farsley Athletic. It's near Leeds - apparently.

Nathan Stanton had recovered from his sprained ankle and would re-take station at centre half - Ramsden would drop to the bench meaning Thorpe would spend the game in the stands, sat with his old Brentford team mates.

You have probably realised by now that I am trying to avoid describing the game. It is still something of a sore point. I will do my best.

Rochdale started brightly. Adams and Wiseman combining nicely down the right flank to give the Brentford defence a few things to think about. A through ball from McArdle would set Dagnall up for an attempt to chip the marooned Brentford keeper, Hamer - his effort finished up on the roof of the net.

With eight minutes on the clock, and unbeknownst to the watching public, Spotland fell through the looking glass...

Brentford's Sam Wood under pressure from his marker decided to escape his attentions by paddling the ball around him with his hand.

The laws of the game are pretty clear on this kind of thing - but not on this side of the looking glass. Our official for today, Mr. Hall, calmly waved play on.

Wood now free of his man charged towards the Dale area and delivered an angled ball to the back post - where an on-rushing Brentford forward ran into said post - amidst the ensuing confusion, Tom Kennedy cleared the ball towards the touchline. That should have been that.

...but you are forgetting, we are in Wonderland now.

Mr. Hall had blown the whistle. Stanton had made some remark to him about the earlier 'non-handball' - for which Mr. Hall produced a yellow card. A bit out of the ordinary - usually the referee would wait until play stopped to issue the card. However, this was only the beginning of the strangeness.

He awarded Brentford a freekick - where the ball had been when he blew the whistle. This is not only out of the ordinary - it has never happened in recorded history. A drop ball is more traditional - but like I said - looking glass.

From the resulting freekick sometime Dale loanee, Jordan Rhodes, rose above the crowd and headed the ball past Fielding. 1-0 Brentford.

It is probably worth remarking at this stage that the Rochdale players and management were apoplectic. Who could blame them, the last time so many bad decisions were made - the First World War got started.

Seven minutes later things got worse. That man Sam Wood ghosted through the still bemused Dale defences and delivered a low pass into the Rochdale area where Charlie MacDonald cooly side footed the ball into the top corner. 2-0 Brentford.

But!

Nobody leaves Mr. Hall's Wonderland of discount refereeing empty handed. He provided Rochdale with a complimentary penalty. Possibly for pushing, possibly for handball, possibly to provide a fig leaf of respectability to conceal his abject performance. Kennedy stepped forward and performed the honours. 2-1.

Half time. Free sandwiches, mini-sausage rolls and coffee in the media lounge. Amidst people who make a living from watching football I was pleased to note I was not the only one who was completely mystified by the events of the first period.

Second half. Dale attacked - bringing on McEvilly, LeFondre and Keltie and going 4-2-4 towards the end of procedings. Brentford defended expertly and counter attacked with pace and fluidity, demonstrating very clearly why they are top of the league. Rochdale saw Dagnall have his shirt practically dragged off his back in the penalty area - and were awarded a freekick outside it. The final whistle marked a welcome return to the real world.

Summary:

It would be crass to suggest that Mr. Hall should take all of the blame for today's result. Rochdale should have defended the freekick better - whether it was valid or not. Thompson and Wiseman should have done better against Wood in the build up to the second.

Brentford were good value for their win - and could have further extended their lead several times due to an uncharacteristically nervy performance from McArdle. In spite of playing some very tidy stuff and giving Brentford a decent run for their money - Dale struggled to generate a clear cut opportunity to level the tie.

...and so to Mr. Hall.

I have seen some shocking interpretations of the referee's art this season, but Mr. Hall has re-writen the rule book - literally. A critical handball waved away, a freekick granted on a whim, a penalty claim converted into a freekick - four yards from where the incident happened and a non-penalty awarded. An appauling performance. His decisions changed the course of the game. Having a clueless liabilty on the pitch can work out sometimes. But not today - not by a long shot.

After my performance against Norbury Hall I never played for St. Peter's again. I suggest that a similar fate for Mr. Hall would not be inappropriate.

Turner Watch:

I imagine Mr. Turner was delighted by his lifetime achievement award at the Brits - and who would have thought he knew all of those Pet Shop Boys songs. A great performance.

21/02/09