Time of the season

Rochdale AFC 2 - 2 Exeter City FC

Journey:

This is game forty of Rochdale AFC’s 2008/09 season. Dale are sitting second in the table. There are just six games after this one to decide if this really is going to be Rochdale’s year.

That first game of the season away at Grimsby seems a whole lifetime away. Since then I have covered more miles than I care to mention, eaten more pies than I would care to admit and lived every moment of what has been a remarkable, emotional season for Dale. With just weeks to go now, can Rochdale cement a place in the automatic promotion spots or will it be the nerve jangling process of the play-off’s again?

What I do know is that since last August, while Dale have been fighting their way to the finishing line– the rest of the world has been happily going about it’s business.

It would appear that Lady Luck has grown up while my attention has been distracted. When I asked if she was coming to the football today – she said yes – but she would be watching the game with her boyfriend - could I drop her off at his house?

Just how long has this season been? I was pretty sure when we started the season that Lady Luck was playing with dollies and such (probably). Now I find she has a boyfriend! It could be a lot worse I suppose – he is a Rochdale fan at least – and the knowledge that his mum and dad would be there as well probably helped.

So with Lady Luck dropped off at young Mr. Simpson’s house. I set forth for Spotland. As I walked round to the main entrance I bumped into Playboy Dan. As is the way with Rochdale’s very own international man of mystery – he was in a hurry. He had managed to procure a ticket for today’s game for Mr. Turner and was on his way to meet him. It was a far cry from preventing evil genii from achieving world domination – but an important mission nonetheless.

I wandered into reception and queued up for my press pass. In all of my previous visits the lady behind the counter has treated me with polite indifference – today I got a cheery ‘hello’ and a smile. For the first time since I started doing match commentary, I didn’t feel like a complete chancer who would be unmasked at any moment. I was actually meant to be there.

With press pass in hand I wandered down the tunnel and joined Mr. Culshaw.

Weather:

There is an old joke about Rochdale. Well, there are quite a lot of old jokes about Rochdale – but very few of them are repeatable. The one I had in mind was: ‘If you don’t like the weather – hang around for an hour’. Today it was no joke…

Interludes of clear skies were punctuated by rain, sleet, snow and hail - ably accompanied by a swirling gale which had the wind turbines on Knowl Hill doing double time. You didn’t even have to wait the afore mentioned hour – 5-10 minutes was more than enough for the elements to throw up yet another surprise.

Food:

Pie free. Although I did have a decent stab at the buffet in the press room come half time.

Away Support:

Considering the distance involved – I went to Exeter, it is practically in France – the 3-400 Grecian fans who had made the journey north represented a great turn out. Lively throughout, with their own equivalent of the ‘Noisy Boys’ up at the back of the Wilbutts Lane stand leading the singing.

Action:

After the flurry of activity in the emergency transfer window which saw the arrival of Madine and Newey and the departure of McEvilly and Evans over the last few days – there isn’t any new news.

The news for today was television. Sky had a match commentary team at the game – sadly not Kris Kamara – which was a shame. Having ‘Kammy’ going berserk in the commentary area would have been a treat. I believe it was Dickie Davies - no not the bloke from World of Sport (if you are old enough to remember that). Mr. Davies was not the only one with a camera crew though – Mr. Culshaw and I had one to. Granted it wasn’t Sky (It was Hopwood Hall College’s AV department) – and they were really there to film Mr. Culshaw, not me. But I think it counts.

For most of the game I would have a young man poking one of those big, furry microphone things in my ear and asking me to get out of the shot. I wouldn’t mind, but I had done my hair and put a bit of slap on - disappointing.

In team news, Stanton would return to centre half in place of Ramsden, Daganall would replace LeFondre upfront, St. Adam would start from the bench having collected a knock at Chesterfield. Buckley, having shaken off the worst effects of tonsilitis, would return to the starting line up. By way of a change, Dale would line up 4-3-3 for today.

After what had been a pretty wretched evening at Chesterfield during the week and considering that Exeter are snapping at Dale's heels in pursuit of promotion - a significant improvement was required. I'm still not exactly sure what happened down at Saltergate other than to say that Chesterfield were very good - and Dale weren't.

The good news was that from the moment that Mr. Bates got things underway it was clear that Dale were ready to make amends. The team which had been made to look distinctly ordinary on Wednesday started much the brighter and had the Exeter defence scampering from the opening moments.

However, Dale weren't getting things all their own way. Our referee for today, Mr. Bates, seemed to have some kind of problem with Lee Thorpe. Let me explain...

Thorpe goes up for a header, his marker has both hands full of Thorpe's shirt and is manfully hauling him back earthward. Whistle. Freekick. For Rochdale? No. For Exeter.

Thorpe goes up for a header, his marker has Thorpe in a headlock. Whistle. Freekick. For Rochdale? No. For Exeter.

Thorpe goes up for a header, his marker climbs over him leaving Thorpe bent double. Whistle. Freekick. For Rochdale? No. For Exeter.

Had one of the Exeter defender's smacked Thorpe about the face with an oversize fish, shoved dynamite in his shorts and then blow him up with an oversize 'Acme' detonator or dropped a huge anvil on him - I suspect I could have predicted Mr. Bates decision.

From one such decision, Exeter produced the first real chance of the half. A thunderous freekick from Moxey had the goal frame vibrating and only some quick thinking from Tom Kennedy ensured that The Grecians could not capitalise on the loose ball.

Around 25 minutes Dale had a freekick of their own, delivered by Kennedy, it forced a fine save from Jones in the Exeter goal. Mark Jones delivered a deep ball from the resulting corner, McArdle headed the ball back into the six yard box - evading Dale and Exeter alike on its journey - until it met the stooping head of Lee Thorpe less than a yard from the goal line. 1-0 Dale!

Dale played out the half quite comfortably, Exeter seemed happy enough to let them.

So, half time again. As I elbowed my way towards the buffet in the press room - things seemed to be going rather nicely. The only slight concern I had was the whereabouts of Mr. Keane. I hadn't seen him in the Sandy in the first half and I hadn't had my usual update on the progress of the Mighty Yellow's or his ruminations on the first half via text. Quite troubling.

On the other hand, I was very well aware of Mr. Turner's presence due to his texted opinions from somewhere in the Pearl Street stand on the subject of my dress sense. In my defence and considering the weather - a duffle coat, which probably did make me look a bit like Paddington Bear, seemed a prudent choice.

After a bit of a delay, Dale finally emerged from the dressing room and the second half got underway. Once again Rochdale started the better of the sides. An uncharacteristically buccaneering run from Stanton almost allowed Thorpe in for his second - unfortunately Thorpe could only drive it wide of the post.

Minutes later, Exeter launched their first serious attack of the half. A cross from the left found Marcus Stewart - or more precisely - found Marcus Stewart's arm. The Rochdale defence broke stride and appealed vigorously to Mr. Bates - Mr. Bates did not share their conviction. As the Dale defence appealed in vain, Stewart scored. 1-1.

Having found their way back into the game, the Grecians set about taking the game to Rochdale. The next 25 minutes were pretty much all Exeter. Some breathless Dale defending and some poor finishing was all that stood between the men of Devon taking the lead.

The impetous eventually drained out of the Exeter assault and a stalemate developed. Around 80 minutes I remarked to Mr. Culshaw that both sides seemed happy with a draw. As he mentally digested that pearl of wisdom I turned my head to see St. Adam bearing down on the Exeter goal. With only the keeper to beat - this was Dale's best opportunity of the second half. At which point the Exeter centre half, Troy Archibald-Henville (I gather he has no contact with his parents these days), made a clumsy attempt to disposses him. Penalty!

Puzzlingly Archibald-Henville wasn't sent from the field - which as he was the last man you might expect - Still, a penalty so late in the game should tie things up nicely - LeFondre won't miss - 3 points - job done.

Well - LeFondre did miss. His effort was driven straight at Jones - however, the rebound was fortuitous and second time around St. Adam buried it. 2-1 Dale!

I had very nearly 60 seconds to bask in the glow of Dale's lead...

From the restart Exeter drove forward. Stuart Fleetwood drove into the Dale area - and then for reasons which only Nathan Stanton can probably explain - he made an ugly lunge at the Exeter man. Penalty.

Stanton did recieve a yellow card - and having now collected ten for the season will miss the next two games. Fielding ran through his repetoire of wobbly legs etc. Marcus Stewart wasn't impressed or distracted. 2-2.

In the dying seconds a header from McAllister looked as though it had secured all three points for the Grecians - but it clipped the bar and flew out of play. 2-2 it remained.

Summary:

A few times this season I have spoken in harsh terms of the match officials. Somehow I just can't summon up the enthusiasm for another tirade. Mr. Bates was pretty poor - but in a slightly comic way. My sides were aching by the end of the game.

Did Rochdale deserve to win the game? On balance, probably not - a draw was a fair reflection of both team's performances. But...

For 60 seconds Dale were in the lead - with only minutes left on the clock. An unconvincing win it may have been - but any Rochdale fan would have taken it.

Mr. Bates may have given the penalty - which was one of a small number of things he did get right this afternoon - but he didn't make Stanton flatten Fleetwood in the area.

As Bury won this afternoon, they leapfrog Dale into 2nd place - Dale drop down to 3rd.

Turner Watch:

Mr. Turner will be writing for the Times fashion supplement from June. Don't miss it.

28/03/09

Devon & Hell

Exeter City FC 4 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

At some point in everyone's life they will make a plan which involves picking someone up at an ungodly hour of a Saturday morning.

This morning was my turn.

Picture the scene. 07:45 hrs. Milnrow. Me standing on the sodden lawn outside the abode of Mr. Turner. By this stage I had already tried knocking and ringing - no response. I tried another knock, another phone call - still nothing. Bang on window, another phone call - nothing. Boot door, yet another phone call - zip. I suspected I knew the reason.

Last night's gathering of the Littleborough Debating and Choral Society had been little short of shambolic. Myself, Mr. Keane and Mr. Jones had elected to patronise the friendly hostelry's of Sudden - Mr. Turner on the other hand had decided to lead a splinter group towards the flesh pots of the town centre. A disaster waiting to happen.

At 08:05, with the knowledge that I had a further pick-up to make, I decided to leave Mr. Turner to his slumber. At which point he blundered out of his front door.

I could waste a lot of time recounting the lengthy explanation he offered. However, in the interests of brevity - he had finally got in at 5 am. Having folded the incapacitated and largely incoherent Mr. Turner into my front seat - I set off for Spotland for the second collection of the day.

Last week I had made my debut as a match commentator on hospital radio. In the course of the week I had received literaly no letters from delighted listeners - not one. (Then again, I hadn't received any hate mail either - which made a pleasant change from a normal week I can assure you.) Considering this and my footballing cliche-athon last Saturday, I was a little surprised when Mr. Culshaw asked if I would mind joining him again this week.

At 08:30 I rolled up Pearl Street to be greeted by Mr. Culshaw and a guest. Mike Brookes. Mr. Culshaw had mentioned that Dale's Media Officer would be joining us. However, it was still something of a surprise to meet him in person, let alone have him occupying the back seat of my car. Mike Brookes is one of very few people to justly carry the title 'Dale legend'. A jounalist and broadcaster who has invested a good portion of his carreer promoting our humble little club. Today he would be providing the commentary for the official Rochdale website. Mr. Keane refers to him simply as 'Rochdale royalty'.

With my travelling companions all now safely installed we pushed on towards the motorway network and into the teeth of a swirling tempest.

M62, M6 - a diversion onto the M6 Toll to avoid the closure of the M6 near Birmingham - M42, M5.

Due to the rather strong smell of stale beer coming off Mr. Turner we made an enforced pit-stop south of Birmingham to pick up air freshener; and in spite of a long delay near junction 11 of the M5 due to an accident we arrived at St. James' Park at 13:40.

No issues with parking today - courtesy of Mr. Brookes reserved space. A quick walk accross the carpark to the stadium - in via the media entrance - collected my press pass (with my name on and everything!) and sauntered over to the press box trying to affect an air of a man who really is meant to be there.

Weather:

Cold and wet in Rochdale, building to what would have counted as a tropical storm - but for the frigid temperature - as we pushed southwards. As we approached Exeter the rain finally abated and as the game was kicking off, the sun broke through. Then it went dark.

Food:

Considering I was an official representative of the journalistic fraternity today - it may come as something of a surprise to find me in the pie queue in the away end. But that is where fate put me - more on this later.

Once again I fell foul of the 'no meat and potato pie' rule which seems to have been enforced accross the barbarous south.

'No poys moy luvver - we gots parstees thow'. A parstee/pasty it was then.

Where to begin... floury, dry, oversalted - horrible. I couldn't even fall back on the coffee I had bought to help bolt it down. The land of cream tea's had delivered me a cup of bitter mud which turned out to have rotten milk in it. One mouthful sealed it's fate. Floor.

Incidentally. Is a Cornish pasty bought in Devon still a Cornish pasty? Or is it a Devon pasty? Or in this particular case, is it - revolting, overpriced rubbish?

Ground:

Have you ever wondered who those people are who wander around the edge of the pitch before the game starts? You know the ones I mean - tend to look a bit self-important, although don't seem to be doing that much.

Today that was me.

I was making my way to the commentary box - which along with the changing rooms is not actually located in the shiny new main stand. They are in the rather unattractive Victorian era stand facing it.

St. James' Park is in truth a bit of an odd one. The afore mentioned shiny new main stand, an equally shiny and new terrace at one end; steeply raked and covered, the gothic horror which houses the press box (easily the worst stand I have seen this year - Grimsby and Morecambe, please forgive me) and the away end which is a low, open concrete terrace.

Following in the wake of Mr. Culshaw I had a brief meeting with Keith Hill. As Mr. Culshaw chatted with the Dale manager I remembered some useful advice:

'Better to remain silent and appear an idiot - rather than open your mouth and remove any doubt'.

Having grinned stupidly at Mr. Hill for a few minutes we headed for the press box. Things were about to take a serious downturn. The fact that the press area was a dead fly encrusted dump was a concern - but more worryingly none of the telephone lines in the box worked. No phone lines means no commentary.

Mr. Brookes made a string of increasingly angry calls on his mobile. Officials were summoned. Officials arrived. Voices were raised. Limp apologies were made. The telephone lines remained inert.

No commentary today.

Somewhat disappointed, I sloped off into the away end and joined Mr. Turner.

Action:

Before my retreat from the press-box I had taken the liberty of taking a team sheet with me. So here is the news:

Following a set-back during training this week, Jones would take no part today. Stanton would be suspended after collecting a fifth yellow card last weekend. Thorpe's continuing back problems would also rule him out.

Jon Shaw would make a rare start upfront for Dale, Keltie would retain his place in central midfield, controversially Ramsden got the nod over Holness in central defence and Wiseman would return to the right full-back berth.

After what had been a lumpen, dreary performance against Bournemouth - it was pleasing to see Dale start with a bit of sparkle. The opening fifteen minutes saw Rochdale rack up a fistfull of excellent chances to draw first blood - the best of them going to Shaw who having rounded Jones in the Grecians goal could only drill the ball wide of the post.

All very encouraging.

However, having riden the initial storm Exeter produced an attack of their own. A driving run down the Grecians right saw the ball whipped into the near post where it collected a wicked deflection from McArdle - quite how Russell managed to beat it away from the goal is beyond me - however, a quick thinking Steve Basham pounced on the loose ball and poked it home from five yards. 1-0 Exeter.

This was an unfortunate development. But Dale reapplied themselves well. There was no sense of panic. Rochdale had been behind many times this season and had almost always recovered the situation. The following fifteen minutes saw Dale continue to generate chances, only solid defensive work from the Grecians allowed them to retain their slender advantage.

...and then we entered the gates of hell.

A speculative ball forward saw Ryan Harley in space and bearing down on the Rochdale goal. Quick thinking and quicker feet allowed Wiseman to intercept the danger - getting goalside of Harley he took ball of the Exeter frontman's toe and shaped to clear it up field. I was in the process of applauding a brilliant saving tackle - when I heard the whistle go. Mr. Phillips was pointing to the penalty spot.

Quite what he saw which upset him so much was unclear. However, the consequences were not. A straight red card for Wiseman and a cooly converted penalty by Basham. 2-0 Exeter.

Dale re-shuffled themselves and the half played out without further incident.

During the interval news filtered through of another sending off. As the players left the field Mr. Brookes had gone to the tunnel to get some reaction from Mr. Hill. The details are a little unclear from this point onwards - but it appears that Mr. Brookes may have questioned Mr. Phillips decision making process as he was leaving the field. Furthermore it is alleged that Mr. Brookes may have gone so far as to suggest that Mr. Phillips may not be a man of unquestionable integrity. For his trouble he was ejected from the ground.

Like many people I work for a living. If I get something horribly wrong at work I don't find it unresonable that people may question me about my mistake. The only person I am aware of whom is not subject to this kind of scrutiny is the Pope. To the best of my understanding - and I have checked this - Papal infalibilty does not extend to League Two match officials.

2-0 down and with only ten men. Not ideal. Under the circumstances Mr. Hill had little option but to make changes. Buckley and Rundle were withdrawn from the action - Holness and Dagnall would replace them. Dale would line up in a 3-3-3 formation for the second period. Pretty aggressive - but under the circumstances - probably the best option.

It was clear that Rochdale were looking for an early breakthrough. But in spite of the combined firepower of Dagnall, Shaw and LeFondre - and later McEvilly - a goal would not come. At the other end things were pretty desperate. Exeter rolled forward at will and produced opportunity after opportunity to extend their lead - only inept finishing kept the scoreline at 2-0.

Around the eighty minute mark Dagnall was punched in the face by Seaborne in the Exeter area - surely a penalty! Well apparently not - and far be it for me to question his holiness Mr. Phillips who was stood not more than ten feet from the incident. Regrettably in the ensuing confusion McAllister ran the ball the length of the field and slotted it past an unprotected Russell. 3-0.

Three minutes later McAllister popped up again to make it 4-0.

In the dying seconds Shaw was dragged to the ground by Seaborne in the Grecians area. What might happen next was anybody's guess - personally I had my money on Shaw being excommunicated - therefore imagine my surprise when the Bishop of Rome granted a spot kick.

Keltie performed the last rites. 4-1.

Moments later the final whistle blew. I don't think I have ever been so relieved.

Summary:

All in all a rubbish day. Everything that could go wrong - went wrong. A decent start from Rochdale - an unfortunate early concession followed by an outrageous penalty decision and a sending off for Wiseman. From here there was precious little chance that Dale would come away with anything.

Turner Watch:

My car is now pervaded by the lurid smell or stale beer and air freshener - I doubt I will ever get it out. I think it has got into the upholstery.

20/12/08