Close up magic

Football Association Challenge Trophy: First Round Replay

Rochdale AFC 0 - 2 Luton Town FC

Journey

Have you seen 'close up magic'?  It is very clever stuff.  I met a bloke in a pub once who offered to show me a trick.  As far as I could tell we were just having a pleasant chat - when he casually produced my watch from his inside jacket pocket.  It seemed like magic.  I haven't checked this - but to the best of my understanding no one in the Rochdale Borough is actually a wizard - so it was a trick, a very good one, but a trick none the less.

On Sunday afternoon, Mr. Culshaw pulled a similar trick.  The phone rang mid afternoon.  It was Mr. Culshaw.  'What are you doing on Wednesday night?' - 'Nowt.'  'Can you commentate on the replay?' - 'Er, yeah, I guess.  I thought it was next Tuesday though?'.  'It's gonna be live on ITV4 - so they've moved it up' - 'Wow! - telly!'.  'Yeah - but don't tell anyone - it hasn't been announced yet' - 'OK'.

In spite of my ground state of complete apathy to the FAmous Cup - I was actually very excited.  Telly - at Spotland!  That should bring in a few quid - maybe Dale won't be forced into their normal discount fire sale of players in the new year.  Assuming Dale got past Luton - there's even more money to be had.  It seemed like magic.

Oh and as per Mr. Culshaw's instructions I didn't tell a soul.  Apart from all the people I told.

And so to tonight.  A quick trip up Roch Valley Way and onto Sandy Lane, drawn on by the blazing floodlight towers.  A jog up to the ground from where I had dumped my car, through a growing throng of excited Dale fans, past the soldiers with buckets - Rememberance Day today - emptied my pockets of change, press pass collected and in.

For those of you who watched on ITV4 - the gormless ape who came wandering out of the players tunnel looking slightly bewildered - that was me.

Weather

Rochdale weather is back!  Cold and damp.

Food

I was far too busy gawping at Robbie Earle doing his pre-match routine from the touchline to be bothered with pies.

Away Support

It's a long way from Bedforshire on damp Wednesday night so unsurprisingly - not that many.  Mr. Culshaw came up with the curiously precise figure of 119 away fans.  I suspect it was closer to 121.

News

Sweet 16.  With Kenny Arthur's trick back having failed to recover and Dale's second choice keeper, Matt Edwards, also injured; tonights goal keeping duties would fall to Danny Taberner.  At 16 years and 147 days, tonights appearance would make 'our Danny' Dale's youngest ever keeper.  On the bench was the even younger keeper, Jordan Andrews.  At the tender age of 15 he had to get permission from his headmaster to miss the last two lessons of the day so that he could join up with the team.

Action

Your team for tonight:

GK: Taberner

Def: Kennedy(T), Dawson, Mc Ardle, Holness

Mid: Rundle, Kennedy(J), Jones, Thompson

For: O'Grady, Dagnall

Bench: Andrews, Brizell, Flynn, Spencer, Byrne, Manga, Higginbotham

Just one change from Saturday's encounter for Dale.  'Our Danny' stepping in for the injured Kenny Arthur.  Will Buckley who had made a telling cameo on Saturday was deemed unfit for service and didn't even make the bench.  Luton on the other hand would make six changes from the team which started the game on Saturday.

Dale made it clear from the off that they wanted to get things wrapped up quickly.  Tom Kennedy smashing a shot towards the Luton goal in the opening seconds.  Only an improvised block from Shane Gore spared the Hatter's from very early embarrasment. 

As the half rolled on Dale hacked and slashed at the Luton defences.  Rundle and Kennedy making the Luton full-back's evening's a waking nightmare.  Chance after chance presented itself for Dale - but frantic defending and an inspired performance from Gore would ensure that Rochdale would be thwarted.

At the other end, 'Our Danny' had little to do -  Luton failing to produce a serious attempt on goal throughout the half - the Rochdale back four providing an almost impentrable shield for the youngster.  The only serious worry for Taberner was caused by an under cooked back pass from Dawson which the Hatter's Kevin Gallen sought to capitalise on.  As hearts lept into mouthes around Spotland - Taberner charged forward and hammered the ball away.  It deflected off Gallen and for an instant seemed to be heading goalward - but Tom Kennedy swept in to tidy up and the danger passed.

The half concluded with a flurry of efforts from Dale, Rundle seeing a close range effort parried and Dagnall having a bullet header cleared off the line. 

Dale were well and truly on top, but with the scoreline still locked at 0-0 quite who would be the happier manager at the interval was anybody's guess.  The highlights on TV were pretty impressive - although somewhat marred by an extreme close-up of an old man eating a pie.  This is a feature of all TV coverage of Rochdale AFC - no matter how impressive the performance on the field - the director always has to get some reference to Rochdale being a quaint little backwater in there.  Usually abetted by the commentary team who feel obliged to make some reference to 'dark, satanic mills'.  Which is apparently side splittingly funny if you live in the heathen south.

The second half got underway at a breathless pace.  With just seconds on the clock Dagnall smashed the ball against the bar, Gore well beaten, from 30 yards.  Dagnall would go close again minutes later when a slip by Alan White gave him a clean run at goal.  His resulting shot was once again well saved by Gore.  Thompson had two opportunities to head Dale into the lead and Dagnall once again found himself clean through on Gore - only for Gore to beat the effort away.

Now for a little close up magic...

On the hour Thompson smashed the ball goalward - it was going in - Spotland held it's breath - and then Pilkington palmed the ball off the line.  Rochdale arms were thrown skyward, Mr. Bates waved play-on, Gore bowled the ball forward to Burgess, Burgess slipped through Holness' tame challenge and fed the ball forward to Craddock, Craddock's near post cross found the prowling Gallen.  1-0 Luton.

My on air reaction said it all.  Silence - followed by 'Luton have scored?'.

The effect on Dale was stunning.  It was like a big lever had been flicked into the 'OFF' position.  The enforced substituations of Thompson and Rundle didn't help.  Their replacements, Manga and Higginbotham, struggled to make any impression on a Luton side, who bouyed by the goal,  were now very much on the march.

A Little over ten minutes after Luton's goal, Rochdale collapsed completely.  Tom Kennedy was caught dithering in his own area by Gallen, Gallen lashed an effort at goal but Mc Ardle managed to intervene and send the ball over the bar.  But the danger wasn't over.  From the resulting corner Pilkington headed the ball back accross goal, Taberner executed an acrobatic parry which I am sure he felt would go over the bar to safety.  It didn't.  It came straight back down and into the path of Gallen.  Gallen's knee cap did the rest.  2-0 Luton.

Shall I go on?  No, I don't think I will.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for this evening: Me.

As I was making my way out I passed Robbie Earle handing a beaming Kevin Gallen the man of the match award - for get this - 'two great strikes'.  I wonder, Mr. Earle - were you watching the same game as the rest of us?

Shane Gore was trialling a new kit tonight - made entirely of velcro.  I think it could catch on.

As I wandered back to the car I heard some of the knowledgeable Spotland faithful pinning the defeat on Joe Thompson.  He did have two efforts which he probably should have put away - and but for a blatant hand ball could have won the game.  However, lest we forget - without young Joe, there would have been no game tonight.  No TV.  And none of their lovely cash.

After the game Keith Hill was probably wondering just where the second round tie with Rotherham had gone - it turned out it was in Luton manager Richard Money's inside jacket pocket all the time.  I imagine Mr. Hill's face was a picture.

I reflected on Saturday that the FA Cup is the 'opium of the people'.  Like any form of substance abuse - the come down can be pretty horrible.  Allegedly. 

Opium of the people

Football Association Challenge Trophy: First Round

Luton Town FC 3 - 3 Rochdale AFC

Journey

'The FA Cup is the opium of the people'

Karl Marx (probably)

Does it make you a bad person not to love the FA Cup?  I don't hate it as such - but consider these facts:

The very best that Dale can hope for is a 'decent run', make a few bob, maybe even get some TV time out of it and then end up as cannon fodder for one of the 'Big Four's' youth team's.  All in all - pretty unsatisfying.

OK the money will come in handy - it always comes in handy for the minnows of league football.  But to actually win the shiny, jug eared thing?  Do me a favour!  I have more chance of enjoying an evening of wine and romance with Sheryl Cole.

Add to all that Dale's last 'decent run' in the cup - going all the way to the fifth round in 2002/3 - coincided with a nearly catastrophic collapse in league form, that saw Dale flirting with life outside of the football league.  Perhaps you begin to see why I am less than taken in by 'the magic of the cup'. 

However, at 09:30 I was waiting outside the club shop at Spotland - waiting to take on passengers: my co-commentator for today's game, Mr. Culshaw, Dale's cub reporter, Mr. Jones, and a man identified simply as 'Russ'.  I would like to tell you more about 'Russ', but in over six hours in my car I don't think he spoke once.  However, he did cough up his petrol money without complaint - so in my book he could do pretty much as he liked.

So you are asking, why is he going to the game if he doesn't like the FA Cup?  There are three reasons:  the last game I saw was Accrington - which was dreadful - so I needed something to wash away that memory, after the horror show at Dean Court last season, I decided not to bother this time around - what a good call that turned out to be!  (I can count the number of 4-0 away wins for Dale that I have seen on the fingers of my tail)  and finally, I really like Kenilworth Road - it is in fact one of my favourite grounds - so when the chance came to have another gawp, I simply couldn't resist.

Nothing to do with any 'magic of the cup' nonsense.

The journey itself was unremarkable: M62, M60, M62, M6, M1 bingo!  Mr. Culshaw's Sat Nav, named Jane in honour of my now deceased Sat Nav, did Sat Navy things with quite efficiency - unlike her dearly departed, fruit bat aunty. 

On our brief lay over at Watford Gap we had the good fortune to meet a group of Macc Town fans who were on their way to Milton Keynes.  We talked about our seasons so far and the importance of getting a 'decent run' to bolster our respective club's slender finances.  After a few moments we bid our farewell's - one Macc fan quipping 'see you in the final then'.  What was deeply alarming was the complete lack of irony in his voice.  He really seemed to believe it.  What did I tell you: opium of the people...   

Weather

Pouring down in Rochdale, but as we left God's Country, the skies cleared and the sun came out.  For any readers from outside the North of England, it is easy to find God's Country on a map - it is the bit under the big cloud.

Food 

I came to Kenilworth Road last season.  It was Luton's last home game in the Football League.  From memory they put on a fantastic selection of sandwiches.  The new realities of the Blue Square Premier League seem to have bitten hard - specifically into the sandwiches - because there was none.  Plenty of free tea and coffee though - so not a complete disaster.

Ground

The hour or so before kick-off was taken up with myself and Mr. Culshaw arguing.  Arguing about Kenilworth Road.  Mr. Culshaw asserts that the afore mentioned ground is something of a dump which should probably be condemned - for the asbestos content of the rooves if nothing else.  Unusually for my esteemed commentary partner - he is of course completely wrong.  Kenilworth Road is brilliant.  Sure, no two bits of it match or for that matter join up.  OK the corporate boxes look like holiday chalets - actually, I think they probably once were holiday chalets.  But that is just the point! 

It sort of reminds me of my own efforts at DIY - not pretty, not exactly straight, probably would have benefitted from a bit more patience - but it does a job and it will almost certainly last forever.  Possibly.  I love the place.

News 

Night of the living dead.  Well, more like the walking wounded.  Kenny Arthur, Garry Jones, Will Buckley, Scott Wiseman and long term sick note Ciaran Toner have all been keeping the treatment table warm in recent days.  I got there specially early today - well, you just never know do you?

Fizz Swizz.  Keith Hill nominated for the League Manager of the Month award for October.  Said award is a silver plated replica of a bottle of the dental professions favourite soft drink.  Apart from being cursed, it is also devoid of any cola drink.  What a jip.

Permission denied.  Oldham have declined to let Mrs. Stevens little boy come out and play in the FAmous Cup.  Taking their lead, Delia Smith has decided that young Simon Whaley can't come out either.  However, to show that they aren't completely neurotic parents - Oldham have allowed little Chris O'Grady to come to the party today.

What a performance.  In recognition of the 4-0 demolition of Bournemouth last weekend, Dale have been awarded the League Two performance of the week award.  Quite how it will fit in the cabinet next to all the other silver wear is quite beyond me.

Action 

GK: Arthur

Def: Mc Ardle, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Rundle

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Taberner, Brizell, Flynn, Manga, Buckley, Spencer, Higginbotham

There had been specualtion that 16 year old trainee Danny Taberner might have to deputise between the sticks due to Kenny Arthur's trick back - but some oblique quizzing of Dale's coaching staff revealed that he had been passed fit and would play.  Likewise for Gary Jones, and Will Buckley would start the game on the bench.

Two things would define the first 45 minutes:  Kenny Arthur's back and Rory Mc Ardle's legs.

It became pretty clear in the opening seconds that in spite of passing a fitness test, Kenny Arthur was far from fit.  He shuffled about his area with a pained stoop and delegated goal kicks to anyone who happened to be near enough.

Adam Newton and Kevin Gallen had clearly done their homework on Dale's right full-back.  Pace and manoeuvrability are not Rory's strongest suits.  Newton and Gallen whirled around him like a pair of cheetah's tormenting a wildebeest.

It took just four minutes for Dale's defensive mobility issues to be cruely exposed.

The Hatters Burgess picked the ball up on the halfway line, nutmegged Kennedy and drove onward.  A neat pass found Newton who undid the already dizzy Mc Ardle and slipped the ball forward to Gallen who launched a pacy cross into the box.  Arthur had just about enough manoeuverabilty to watch the ball fly into the back of his net from a close range Basham header.  1-0 Luton.

Dale rallied and good efforts from Dagnall, Jones, Rundle and O'Grady followed.  But on 21 minutes it all went wrong - again.  Burgess once again started the move from midfield, picking out Newton on the Luton left.  Mc Ardle was predictably undone and Arthur was predictably immobile.  Newton's cheeky chipped finish from twenty yards did the rest.  2-0 Luton.

Resplendent in their orange shirts, Luton were stroking the ball around like Cruyff's boys of '74.  So, it wasn't a great surprise when Basham popped up on the edge of the area on thirty minutes to hammer home another for the Hatters.  3-0 Luton.  

The fact that Dale managed to get to half time without further disaster was little short of magical - not the kind of 'magic of the cup' pundit's glibly witter on about - but magic nontheless.  The first half had been dreadful.  Dale could have no complaints.  They had been systematically 'done' by a very capable Luton eleven.

Had there been any opium going -  there would probably have been more than a few takers amongst the 355 travelling fans.  Dale were going out of the cup and anything to dull the pain of another 45 minutes of footballing purgatory would be more than welcome.

The half time chat in the commentary box was all about changes.  Kenny Arthur had barely made it off the pitch at the whistle - he would certainly be subbed for Taberner.  Mc Ardle had been pretty comprehensively worked out by Luton and would almost certainly be changed - probably for Flynn.  All good, logical stuff.  And all wrong.  There would be no changes.  Mr. Hill had another plan. A much simpler plan.  Holness swapped with Mc Ardle - and Dale would play the second period in the Luton half - thus protecting the hobbling Kenny Arthur.  Like I said - simple.

Things didn't start exactly to plan - Luton rattled the post in the opening seconds - but then Dale settled to their task.  O'Grady having a glorious chance on 50 minutes - but with the goal at his mercy, he could only fire over the bar.

Just before the hour Dale had a freekick on the edge of the Hatters area.  While everyone took their places O'Grady departed the field for Buckley and Rundle made way for Higginbotham.  Kennedy (T) delivered, Mc Ardle connected with his head, Dawson stuck out a leg and it was in!  3-1.

So, the trip home would be a little better.  But - there would be none of that 'magic of the cup' mumbo jumbo.  Oh no.  Dale were still going to lose and I would get to do my 'opium of the people' monologue (long version) all the way back to God's Country.         

Dale seemed to have other ideas though.  They kept the ball well away from Kenny Arthur and continued to create chances - the best of which being a driving run from Gary Jones concluding with a thumping drive, which was well saved by Gore who then leapt back to his feet to parry Will Buckley's follow up. 

Dale were playing really well by now - but Luton were defending in depth and with the confidence a two goal lead brings.  As the minutes slipped by I was preparing an extra 'long version' - which would probably conclude with something about being free to concentrate on the league.

With just over five minutes left, Tom Kennedy overlapped on the left and flashed a cross into the area where young Joe Thompson stooped to head the ball past a wrong footed Gore.  3-2.

Erm...  Surely not.  That 'magic' stuff is just for the hopelesly deluded.  Not me - 'long version' it is.

The minutes and then the seconds began to drain away - Dale pushed hard for an equaliser - but the Hatters were having none of it.  A fistful of great chances came and went and the 90th minute duly arrived.  No 'magic' here - no sir.

...and then Buckley broke forward down the left, neatly laying the ball off to Jones who charged to the byline and unleashed a pin-point cross onto the head of the only Dale player in the box - young Joe Thompson.  From just a couple of yards out, he couldn't miss.  3-3!

355 Dale fans went berserk behind the goal Joe had just scored in.  Myself, Mr. Culshaw and Mr. Jones jumped up, fists aloft, screaming - and then remembered just exactly where we were.  The commentary box is in the middle of the main stand, enclosed by a low wall.  As one man, we glanced backwards to see 1000 or so stoney Lutonian faces.  As one man, we quietly slipped back behind the safety of our wall.

Four minutes of added time - but 3-3 it remained.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Myself, Mr. Culshaw, Mr. Jones and Russ

As we drove back north we got word that Keith Hill had missed out on the cursed Manager of the Month award.  That was a relief.

Mr. Culshaw spent a good deal of the trip home trying to find out when the draw for the second round would be - using his fancy voice recognising Google search thingy.  In the end he didn't find out - mostly due to the inability of the Google thingy to recognise what he was saying.  For a giggle he asked it to search for 'John and Edward'.  It came back with a list of German Airports. 

Today was an amazing performance.  Amazingly bad in the first half, amazingly good in the second.  By rights, the game was over at half time - Dale were down and out.  The decision not to make changes was brave but incredibly risky.  Had things gone differently I am sure Mr. Hill would have been roundly criticized.  As it turned out it was pure genius.

Those who habitually condemn Joe Thompson for one reason or another all got free pie for their tea.  Humble pie.

Have I changed my mind about the FA Cup?  Not really.  One of the Big Four will almost certainly win it,  Dale will definitely not win it.  The FA Cup is still a distraction from the important business of escaping English football's bottom rung.  But, Dale do have a home replay - which will bring in some much needed cash and maybe a big name tie to follow if they see off Luton second time around.  All that said, when that third goal went in - just for a minute or two I really did believe Rochdale could go all the way to Wembley.  Like I said, opium of the people - even I got a bit giddy - just for a little while anyway.