This is not a stag do

Dagenham and Redbridge FC 3 - 2 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

8:30 am. I am horribly confused. I had just woken up in a strange room. I could hear pans clanging. There were cooking smells. I could hear some slightly off key whistling. It took a moment or two to refocus - and then the facts begin to slot slowly into place.

I was in Mr. Cootes living room in the Principality of Essex. The whistling chef is Mr. Keane. I am here to watch the latest installment of football's least likely derby. Dagger's vs. Dale. El Clasico Del Sur.

With my wits carefully gathered, sorted and filed. I was ready to start the day. That said, those few seconds of: Where am I? What the hell is going on? had been pretty troubling. Not something I would really like to repeat any time soon - or ideally, ever.

With a hearty breakfast inside me, a mug of tea and a family size carton of orange juice drained and a crafty hour of 'resting my eyes' - we set forth for Dagenham and the Eastbrook Hotel.

Our native guides, Mr. O'Shaughnessey and Mr. Evans, duly made their appearance with a seemingly endless entourage of family and friends - almost all of whom seemed to be called Dave. More on this later.

The time before kick-off was wiled away watching West Ham see off Hartlepool in the FA Cup and making the painstaking climb from beneath the ill effects of last nights frolics in and around Romford.

If you remember the coverage of El Classico Del Norte - The Rochdale/Dagenham game earlier in the season - you may remember the small matter of a forfeit. Eels of the jellied variety. We had considered a similar prank ourselves for the return leg - probably involving tripe - but being civilised Northern folk, we decided not to engage in this kind of schoolboy one upmanship. We had however brought a secret weapon. Mr. Rigby.

Who? He's never been mentioned before. Who is Mr. Rigby?

Mr. Rigby is not a regular follower of Rochdale AFC. He is however the shadowy force behind the Littleborough Debating and Choral Society. The man behind the scenes. A shaper of the destiny's of lesser mortals. The Puppetmaster... and as his mood takes him, a casual thief of cigarette lighters.

The fact that Mr. Rigby is in Dagenham along with an ever swelling crowd of friends and well wishers (sadly not including Mr. Chaffey - because he was in the wrong pub) points to something of great significance. It is not a Stag Do.

Let me explain:

Mr. Keane is not getting married. So consequently he is having a not Stag Do. Clear? Probably not. In truth I struggle to fully comprehend it myself. Just imagine a Stag Do with no follow on nuptials. Use your imagination...

Weather:

There definitely was some - unfortunately it escaped my attention. Very cold though.

Food:

Having inconveniently forgotten to visit the Pie and Mash shop next door to the Eastbrook I had a cheese burger in the ground. At £2.50 it wasn't too bad - although I did go large on ketchup and mustard following an exploratory bite. As is now the tradition - Mr. Keane disapproved of his burger. The reasons are so numerous that I simply don't have the time to list them all.

Ground:

It is - as it is.

Action:

Kyle Lambert is the latest casualty of Mr. Hill's re-shaping of his team. Probably very disappointing for Mr. Lambert - but considering he had only made a handful of appearances in the blue and black this season - not very surprising.

Oh, and that other little matter... Nicky Adams.

Speculation was rife around the end of last season that Adams would be signing for Dale in the summer. As is now a matter of record, he signed for Leicester City instead, but having struggled to cement a place at the Crisp Bowl he has opted to join Rochdale on loan for a month, perhaps longer. This was the man every Dale fan had hoped, prayed would sign for us in the summer. The fact that 264 Rochdale fans had made the long journey south showed just how important the Dale rank and file think our new signing could be.

Perhaps sensing the level of excitement, Mr. Hill elected to pitch Adams straight into the fray - replacing Rundle on the left side of midfield. Keltie would replace Toner in the heart of midfield.

Now let me see, how does this go again? Started brightly, played some attractive stuff, conceded an early corner, woeful marking. 1-0 Dagenham - courtesy of Mark Arber. Yeah - that's how it goes. Unfortunately.

Minutes later Dagenham had the ball in the net again. Although this time our official for the day, Mr. Hooper, decided that Benson's use of Stanton as a step ladder was not really in the spirit or to the letter of the laws. Nonetheless, pretty worrying. Not a good start.

Considering this, what happened next was quite perplexing - if you are a Dagger's fan. Dagenham seemed to lose the will to press their adavantage and Dale captured the initiative. Adams and Buckley seemed to have the Dagger's hypnotized. Buckley in particular was running riot.

Around the quarter hour mark Dale won a freekick near the edge of the Dagenham area. After a rather long period of wall setting, Kennedy stepped up and bent the ball around the afore mentioned wall and into the bottom left corner. 1-1!

Relief swept over the away end. Minutes later relief would turn to undiluted joy.

On twenty minutes a move started by Buckley and involving Thompson and St. Adam delivered Adams the chance to finish from close range. He did. 2-1!

Dagenham were visibly shaken, Rochdale were rampant. However, in spite of a hatful of good chances, Dale did not extend their lead further. The Dagger's struggled manfully to force their way back into the game but got no change from the Rochdale defensive unit. Fielding in particular - in spite of looking like Plug from the Bash St. Kids - was absolutely outstanding.

All in all an excellent 45 minutes of football - I couldn't wait for the second half.

They do say be careful what you wish for. Well, they do...

So. Back to the subject of Dave's. I mentioned earlier that there were a lot of Dave's around today. I know loads of Dave's. So many in fact that they all have descriptive pre-fixes to their name to help distinguish them. Tall Dave, Big Dave, Young Dave, Halitosis Dave - you get the idea. One of the Dave's I know is simply called 'Coat Dave' - because he never takes his coat off.

Today I met a new Dave. 'Big Shouty Cocker-ney Dave'. He had been among the crowd in the Eastbrook. I mentioned earlier that 264 Dale fans had made the trip to Victoria Road. This is not quite true. There were 263 Rochdale fans - plus one 6'3'' Charlton fan booming encouragement to his newly adopted team in the thickest Cocker-ney accent I have ever heard. The Rochdale regulars looked varyingly curious or just deeply scared. As our newest fan bellowed his support for Rochdale we found ourselves in the middle of a rapidly widening circle of away fans.

The second half started well for Dale, Gary Jones smashed the ball into the foot of the post from just inside the area. All very encouraging. However, it appeared that Dagenham had done some replanning at half time - and having got clearance from Heathrow, Gatwick and Stanstead - their plan went into action. High ball's anyone?

Rochdale's original plan eroded away in the face of the ariel onslaught and before very long Dale were happily joining in the 'look how high I can kick it!' competition. This was the beginning of the end.

On 64 Adams limped off injured, to be replaced by McEvilly. To this point, and in spite of the bombardment Dale had remained fairly well organised - with the reshuffle after Adams' departure, all semblence of shape evaporated. The Rochdale midfield suddenly looked very fragile indeed - placing yet more pressure on the overworked defenders.

That said it was still a shock when the Dagger's equalised on 74. Choatic and utterly ineffectual Dale defending from a throw set-up Ritchie near the edge of the penalty area. His low drive defeated the under protected Fielding. 2-2.

Five minutes later Dagenham benefitted from the fact that the Rochdale defence had been been surreptitiously replaced by the Keystone Cops. The Dagger's Southam found their little performance heartily amusing. 3-2 Dagenham.

For the second time today I had that confused: Where am I? What the hell is going on? feeling. It really is not a nice feeling.

Rochdale produced a few good opportunities to re-level the tie including a great chance for McEvilly which required an excellent save from Tony Roberts in the Dagenham goal. But it was far too little, far too late.

In the dying moments Dagenham's Southam was dismissed after stamping on the Shaker Maker - but that didn't change the facts of the matter - 3-2 it remained. I am not ashamed to admit that I pretty well ran out of Victoria Road.

Summary:

Well, what the hell did go on?

After the first half I felt confident that there really could only be one result today. In the second half Dagenham changed tactics and Rochdale simply didn't have an effective answer. Dale just meekly tried to imitate the Dagenham approach and then fell apart altogether.

It was painful, even heartbreaking to watch. Particularly considering I would be spending the evening in the company of triumphant Dagenham fans.

Dagenham were good value for their win. As for Rochdale's performance: This is not acceptable.

Spencer Watch:

As is now the tradition (this is the second time I have done it for the Dagenham away fixture - so that counts as a tradition in my book) we turn the spotlight away from the clown prince of Spotland and focus on some of the local characters.

Last season's star, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, had a fairly lacklustre performance this time around. Mr. Evans - in spite of being an all round good egg - did not grab the headlines. We turn instead to the Messers Spencer.

Mr. Spencer the younger - A solid performance from the youngster. Bags of potential and should mature into a top quality player in years to come. Definitely one to watch.

Mr. Spencer the elder - An old head with a fund of stories and anecdotes to suit any occasion - most of which end badly, for him. A good bet for clubman of the year.

Mr. Spencer - Joined at a tricky time late in the game when things could have gone either way. He welded together a disparate gaggle of weary players and through sheer force of personality drove them onto - an excellent curry house in Barking. A midfield general. Man of the match for me.

24/1/09