Shaker Maker

Rochdale (supporters XI) 9 - 0 Bury (supporters XI)

and in other results:

Rochdale AFC 1 - 1 Bury FC

Journey:

Following my own little (and rather expensive) jaunt into the Orient last week, I was somewhat surprised by just how much I missed the Beijing Olympics this last week. There is something quite pleasant about waking up every morning to realise that the British are not in fact rubbish at everything and so much more satisfying that I can smirk knowingly at Australian's and say with no sincerity whatsoever - 'bad luck old chap, bad luck...'

Therefore it is all the more disappointing that the Bury game rushed upon me so soon. Bury had started the season like the proverbial train - Dale had stuttered into life this term. The pretty pink fog of 19 gold medals and loads of the other ones to - seemed likely to be blasted away. Which ever way I worked it around in my mind - today felt like it would be a horrible rout in favour of the Shakers.

Having suffered the bitter bile of Bury fans picking over our reverse at Wembley throughout the summer - the trepidation was all the more acute.

I arrived in the saloon bar of the Ratcliffe Arms at around 2pm - to find Mr. Keane 'sleeping with the enemy'. A number of his ex-workmates had rolled-up for a refreshment break - Shakers to the man - well except Mr. Denwood (Blackburn Rovers) who was doing his best impression of Switzerland i.e. neutral.

Mr. Keane does this kind of thing every year. I really wish he would stop it.

Weather:

Hot and humid - it reminded me of my time in 'Nam - we lost a lot of good men back there...

Food:

Usually famous for not eating, Mr. Mitchell became notorious today for not actually turning up. The new Mrs. Mitchell's dad, Geoff explained to us when he arrived, that a recon into Crewe last night had resulted in Mr. Mitchell being unfit for duty today. So far only myself and Mr. Turner remain eligable to complete the 101 Project - disappointing, considering this is game four of forty six.

Today demonstrated the capacities of myself, Mr. Keane, Mr. Turner and Mr. Jones to over indulge in junk food - although it should be pointed out that Mr. Turner's weak attempt towards his five-a-day by having peas with his pie didn't fool anybody.

Away Support:

Loads.

Action:

Ok, so I have already run through my forbodings about todays encounter...

As around 2,000 Bury and 3,500 Dale accused one another of being a small town in Heywood and to a lesser degree of having an unusually close relationship with their blood relatives, the White Stripes pounded out 'Seven Nation Army' over the speakers, the sprinklers twirled erratically on the pitch and a sense of visceral menace desended over Spotland.

...Mr. Bates of Staffordshire put the whistle to his lips - and let slip the dogs of war.

Under reporting restrictions imposed by Mr. Keane I am not allowed to elaborate significantly on the events of the first half. So in short - Bury looked pretty covincing - Dale matched them most of the way without offering any real threat. As half time descended it was 1-0 to Bury (unfortunately) thanks to Sam Russell.

Let us not beat about the bush - on eight minutes, Russell punched the ball into his own net from a Bury corner. These things happen from time to time. I am confident that it was not what Mr. Russell had in mind - but ...

As I am sure you can imagine the Bury contingent went insane. Welcome to my nightmare.

Only tenacious defending from Dale saw us to half-time without further incident - Stanton and McArdle in particular shone.

Half time. In the name of all that is holy - what the hell is going on! The Vegas like razamataz that is 'Golden Gamble' was ruined by some callow youth chancing his arm. I saw the real Mr. Golden Gamble in the main stand sipping coffee as I joined the pie queue. In these situations, you do not need your star striker warming the bench - you need him where it counts. Hopefully, he is being rested for a big game - erm, hang on a minute....

After the League, Championship and Premiership results were read out over the PA - the announcer revealed that the unofficial supporters game between Rochdale and Bury this morning had finished 9-0 to Dale. Whilst it may seem irrelevant to point out the score of a game nobody cares about - I should point out that I have no interest in the the winners of FA cups more than 100 years ago - in spite of which it still seems to get raked up.

Half time also saw the introduction of one of Mr. Turner's more inspired flights of fancy. 'Celebrity Dogging' - a game show concept - judged by Stan Collymore, Steve McFadden and Britney Spears (non-dogger - but anything to get her career going again) - compared by Paul Ross (also a non-dogger - but he really needs the work) - along the lines of 'Strictly Come Dancing' - each celebrity is paired with a 'pro-dogger' - big cash payout's (all for charity - of course) - look out for it at a secluded car park near you - soon...

As Dale returned to the pitch, it seemed that the half-time talk may have been of the very direct kind. Rochdale took on the second half like a team transformed. The Shakers control of the first period wilted and then evaporated. Mounting Dale pressure saw young Will Buckley burst into the Bury box on 65 only to be felled by Sodje and Scott.

Mr. Bates emphatically indicated the spot and Daggers confidently stepped forward . I can't rightly tell you what followed - due to my looking at the ground - but the gasp around me and the roar to my left told me that Brown had saved it for the Shakers. 1-0 to Bury it remained.

A minute later, Daggers had the chance to make amends from six yards - but launched it just inches north of the bar. A well place boot from Sodje into Dagnall's lower abdomen as the Dale striker let fly may have had some bearing on procedings - a goal kick to Bury and the 'magic sponge' were Dagnall's only rewards.

A minute later, young Will Buckley burst into the box...

Mr. Keane muttered something like '... go on, win us another pen' - Bury's Ben Futcher duely obliged. Once again Mr. Bates indicated the spot. This time, St. Adam took the responsibility - straight down the middle - GOAL! 1-1.

The Shakers were shocked. The balance of the half saw Dale pour forward into an increasingly frantic Bury rear guard. Bury's Sodje being the key contributor to the Shakers salvation.

In spite of the Dale's best efforts - including a highly gymnastic foul by Hellboy - 1-1 it remained.

Summary:

In spite of Staedler and Waldorf behind me - who moaned uniformly throughout the game - Dale
 handled this pressure tie fairly well.

Ok, Sam's punch was not in the script - but, the Dale response was reminiscent of last season when defeat was simply not an option. Bury are indeed a good side this season - but aside of a freak goal were incapable of conjuring up much on their own - and but for better finishing by Dale they could have left empty handed. Considering Dale did almost everything within their power to lose the game, this is definitely a point won.

Oh, and in the tradition of the Navajo who named their braves for their acts in battle - young Will Buckley will hence forth be known as 'Shaker Maker'.

Turner Watch:

Celebrity Dogging - genius. Although, as we had to explain to Mr. Mitchell's father in law - there are no actual canine's involved.

Mr. Turner made it very clear to me this week that under absolutely no circumstances should Playboy Dan worm his way into the report. I didn't actually see Playboy Dan this week - so under the terms set out in recent weeks, it would be wrong of me to include him in the report. Sorry Dan, this week you just missed out, better luck next time...

30/08/08