Something happening here

Rochdale AFC 2 - 0 Grimsby Town FC

Journey:

Little things. The traffic on Roche Valley Way was a little heavier. The foot traffic on Sandy Lane was a little busier. Little things.

If you weren't looking for it - you would miss it. But it was there nonetheless.

The sense of expectation in the assembling crowd made it feel like the first home game of the season again. Except it wasn't. This is game 33. Dale are 4th - one point off the automatic promotion spots. A win today, and results permitting, Rochdale could break into the top three.

Following a great away win at Darlington midweek, the spectre of the Brentford game had been well and truly banished.

I attempted to slip into my regular parking spot - to find that access was bloked by roadworks - patrolled by a Policeman on a mountain bike... I wasn't falling for that one again. I crawled along at 10 mph and finally found a place to park - I think it was somewhere near Huddersfield.

Due to the heavy traffic and the delay in finding a parking place I was on the minutes for kick-off. As I cantered onto Pearl Street I could hear that the players were making their way onto the pitch. At something approaching a run I arrived at the Sandy Lane turnstiles.

...and then something very odd happened.

A man detached himself from the milling crowd and blocked my path. He was saying something - I just couldn't understand him.

'Say again?''A ticket. Do you need a ticket for the game?'

Now I have been coming to Spotland for a goodly while - but I have never seen tout's before. Something really is happening here.

He said he was waiting for his mate who hadn't shown up. I could have the ticket for a tenner.

Either his story was true or he was the worst ticket tout in the world. Either way, it saved me £4. Which was nice.

As the game got underway I sidled into my regular spot, Messers Keane and Mitchell were already on station.

Weather:

Rochdale weather.

Food:

The more observant of you will have noticed that I have been in a public house - or two. In my very limited experience of licenced premisies I have come across the concept of 'guest ales' - naturally I didn't try any of them - strictly mineral water for me, as you know. However, I was somewhat taken aback that the Sandy Lane Patisserie is offering 'guest pies'. This weeks 'guest pie' was cottage pie. Very tempting.

However, as I am on a diet, I had a Ryvita. A meat and potato flavoured Ryvita.

Away Support:

A decent turnout from the fishier end of Lincolnshire. 300 or so. It has been a tough season to be a Grimsby fan. At the start of today's encounter the Mariners find themselves flirting with the drop zone. They wouldn't have much to cheer about today.

Action:

A quiet news week this week. The big story being Darlo's slide into administration the day after Dale took all three points away from the Darlington Arena. With administration comes an automatic ten point deduction which dropped the Quakers from 5th to 11th in the table.

Dale would start with the team which started against Darlington - save for the exchange of Keltie for Jonah in central midfield. Based on an eyewitness account from my roving reporter, Mr. Jones, Jonah was in the gym on Friday and seemed to be OK. Hopefully his exclusion today was just precautionary.

At various stages this season I have made reference to Staedler and Waldorf. I should probably explain this for you. Staedler and Waldorf were two grumpy old men in the Muppet Show - they were puppets. In every episode they sat in a box at the back of the theatre and loudly criticised everything the other muppets did. Their catch phrase being, 'You call this a show?!'

Sadly the Staedler and Waldorf I have been refering to are not cuddly puppets. They are two old blokes who stand behind me - who moan, complain, criticise and generally carp about every aspect of Rochdale's performance - at every home game. I could move I suppose - but it's the principle of the thing.

Even by their own high standards - their performance today was literally unbelievable.

'Rubbish Rochdale!'

'Useless Rochdale!'

'Clueless Rochdale!'

'No idea Rochdale!'

'Pointless Rochdale!'

'Wasteful Rochdale!'

... did I mention 'Useless Rochdale!' - oh, yes I did. So did they, again and again and again.

What was unbelievable about their performance was that Dale were in the lead after five minutes courtesy of a massive deflection from a Rundle shot following a mazy solo run by Mr. Keane's favoured left winger. 1-0 Dale!

On twelve minutes Dale doubled their advantage courtesy of a breakaway run from St. Adam who slotted the ball neatly past an incredulous Henderson in the Mariner's goal. 2-0 Dale!

...but Staedler and Waldorf ground on, and on, and on.

Sometime later Mr. Keane turned to me and muttered through clenched teeth, 'Thats it! One of us is going to have to do time!' Fortunately, we didn't get to drawing straws. Mr. Kettle's whistle indicated the conclusion of the first period.

Apart from the opening fifteen minutes, the first half had not been a brilliant spectacle. Having scored their goals Dale seemed more than happy to contain Grimsby. Grimsby bustled but created only one chance of note - Forbes forcing Fielding to tip his goal bound effort north of the crossbar.

Half time. Small boys playing seven aside, Golden Gamble and then a surprise appearance from Jon Bon Jovi in the crossbar challenge. Like I said, there's something happening here.

As it turned out, it wasn't his Jovi-ness. It was a lady with a rather extravagant perm. Disappointingly neither of her efforts got more than a foot off the ground. Desmond the Dragon had a go - but could not replicate his form from earlier in the season.

At the start of the second half, Mr. Mitchell predicted a seven goal thriller. He always does.

However, it was not to be. Rochdale were quite happy to defend and then break when the opportunity presented itself. Grimsby had most of the ball but in spite of the introduction of the rather fabulously monikered Akpa-Akpro on 61 minutes, failed to produce a serious effort on the Dale goal.

Messers Keane, Mitchell and I spent our time checking the other results - two particularly caught the eye - Bury were losing and Wycombe were drawing.

Staedler and Waldorf continued their stream of criticism.

Mr. Kettle whistled and it was all over. 2-0 Dale.

Summary:

There really is something happening here. The game was over in under 15 minutes. The other 75 minutes were just there for the look of the thing. A thoroughly clinical performance from Dale.

As the final whistle blew I made my way to the ticket office to get my ticket for the Bury game next weekend. Having collected it, Messers Keane, Mitchell and I dropped into the Ratcliffe Arms.

Over a sparkling mineral water we watched the classified results and then the league tables.

Premiership - United 1,000,000 points clear with 16 games in hand, Championship - don't care, League 1 - care slightly less. As the graphic for the bottom of League 1 faded - something happened. It started as a whisper, it rose to a murmur, a rumble, a growl, a thundering roar - the League 2 table appeared, Dale were 2nd - and the roof came off!

I looked at the table. I looked again. I waited for the tables to go round once more - and had another look. The table still showed Dale in second place. Around me the chatter included one word more than any other - no not 'typical' - it begins with 'P'. The word Dale fans seldom say or even dare think - and in fairness have rarely had reason to say or think.

I looked at the table again - still the same. Still second. Then Mr. Keane said a new word. It begins with 'C'. More commonly associated with Manchester United. Never even dreamt of by Dale fans.

There's something happening here...

Turner Watch:

Mr. Turner is in pole position to become Paris Hilton's British best friend. TTYN.

28/02/09

The Long Road To Grimsby

Grimsby Town FC 0 - 0 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

Standing outside Rochdale town hall on a rainy evening in May - that is how this journey began.

Amongst a bedraggled group of Dale fans, Mrs. Eden-Maughan and I peered through the drizzle as the Rochdale staff and players mugged, sheepishly down at us from the balcony.

It was intended as a joint celebration of Rochdale AFC's centenary season and a hero's homecoming after our rightfull triumph at Wembley Stadium. In practice it was a vaugely uncomfortable gathering of a couple of hundred people who had managed to bunk off work and were prepared to brave the elements. There was some mumbly singing of 'Away the Dale' which petered out fairly quickly in the face of a pitiless, persistent shower.

All rather unsatisfying.

After a few words from Messers. Hill, Flitcroft and Jones it was all over. Summertime was upon us again.

Through the departures of Lee, Doolan, Muirhead, smoking and the Big Jag - the sales of Matty Hughes to Glasgow Celtic and David Perkins to Colchester United. Through Spain's long overdue triumph in the European Championships. Through trips to Scotland, Ireland, Turkey and an accidental visit to the top of the Natwest Tower in London. Through the arrival of Toner, Keltie, Wiseman and Shaw - one thought was on my mind - when do we start again?!

Today!

At noon Mr. Keane, Keane jr and Mr. Turner arrived and boarded the medium sized Audi. Just under two hours later - allowing for a traffic jam outside Leeds - we arrived in Grimsby.

Weather:

The Inuit peoples of North America are famous for having hundreds if not thousands of words for 'snow'. This is not strictly true. They have hundreds if not thousands of words for types of snow. Lets face it - when your entire world experience is literally filled with nothing else - you can be forgiven for expending a few words on it.

It is interesting that the British have so few words for rain.

Our trip to Grimsby pretty well used all the ones we knew - I even made up a few, which I regret are not printable here.

Food:

Unusually none of us ate in the ground - I had something which was billed as coffee as did Mr. Turner. At £1.50 a throw I had expected French roast - or at least Nescafe - what I got I suspect had been dredged out of the Humber earlier that morning.

The reason none of us ate in the ground is quite simple - we visited a chip shop near the ground before the game. The queue was huge - it took over ten minutes just get into the shop - but boy was it worth it! A tray of golden brown chips topped by what appeared to be a batterd and deep fried whale shark - all for just £3.50. Ace! I was even prepared to forget the amazing basin hairstyle the bloke behind the counter was sporting - truly breathtaking.

Ground:

Considering the last ground I visited was Wembley - whatever came next was inevitably going to be something of a come-down.

I had not quite anticipated how far down.

There is one modern-ish stand - reserved for the home fans - the rest seems to have been bought as a job lot when a battery chicken farm was closed sometime during the 1960's. Our 'stand' although all-seater was wooden - I mean - c'mon!

Having absorbed the surroundings my attention turned to the pitch - well, after I had found a seat where I could actually see anything - the pitch, oh lordy! Whilst beautifully mowed and manicured - one could not help but notice that it was - well - a little un-even. Perhaps during the closed season it is marketed as a scale model of the Lake District...

The only really high point of Blundell Park was 'The Mighty Mariner' - Grimsby's club mascot - who produced possibly the most erotic dance routine I have ever seen from someone in a foam suit. Quite how much I enjoyed it is between myself and the lady who does my laundry...

Action:

I don't tend to go to the friendly games - this year was no exception - so today would be my first chance to see our new signings in-the-flesh, as it were.

Having finally located a seat with an unimpeded view it became clear that our new striker Mr. Shaw (Shaw, Shaw, Shaw - how do you like it, how do you like it? - yes... I know) would not be taking part in the game. Pleasingly Mr. Thorpe had evidently recovered from his encounter with USS Howe on the way to Darlington - so I felt sure he would start, probably with Dagnall.

Erm - no...

Dagnall and St. Adam to start. We have tried this partnership before - I am not convinced.

Everything pointed to Jones and Keltie anchoring the midfield - which was the case. The only remaining question was who would start on the right - Messers Keane and Turner favoured Higginbotham - but having seen Scott Wiseman slice through Dale's defence at the Darlington Arena, I had a feeling Mr. Hill might give him the nod. How right - and - how very wrong I was...

In the course of last season I received significant and persistent criticism on the subject of the 'Action' section of the match report. Namely: it is far to long and I really don't know anything about football anyway. So, allow me to summarise:

The first half was rubbish. I think that covers it.

At half-time we were privileged to receive a visit from 'Playboy Dan'. He admitted that he had only popped over in the hope of getting into the report - well done Dan!!! Half-time also gave us time to reflect upon the performance of Mr. Pawson - who was officating in his first game in the football league. I am certain he was glad that he could fall back on - 'It's my frst day'. At no point in the game did he actually make a valid decision - all in all, rubbish.

The second half was better - Dale really did go for a win - but the Mariners keeper: Barnes, was just too good and held Rochdale very firmly at bay. He even managed to deal with a point blank effort from Dagnall which looked certain to clinch all three points.

As Mr. Pawson managed to successfully put the whistle to his lips (OK, he got that right) the five or six hundred Dale fans who had made the trip offered a standing ovation to the Dale squad as they trudged off the sodden pitch.

Summary:

OK! It was a rubbish game! What is there to shout about in a 0-0 draw?

It is our best start to the season in 4-5 years - thats what!

It was disappointing not to see Shaw. Despite my rememberings of last seasons play-off's, Wiseman did not convince as a right-winger in any measure - our search for a right-winger goes on. I really liked Keltie - he does not have the frantic intensity of Perkins - but, he is cultured, considered and comfortable on the ball. I see a great partnership with Jones developing this season - it is just a shame that he looks so much like Hellboy...

In spite of having kicked the habit and recovered much of my sense of smell - I didn't notice the infamous fish smell - well except when I was eating the huge fried fish - but you would kind of expect that - and I can tell my grandchildren that I have been on 'The road to Grimsby'. Thank-you Roger Mellie.

Turner Watch:

In spite of an extensive and insidious misinformation campaign by Mr. McCabe - this section of the match report will not be replaced by a section called 'Chub Chat' this season.

Mr. Turner was back to his very best today- and as Mr. Mitchell didn't make the trip, we didn't get told off for misbehaving either - although the interlude of singing songs from Buggsy Malone in the second half was a little dis-quieting.

'We couldha been anythin' that we wanted to be....' Although not today!

9/08/08

American Sea Power

Rochdale AFC 3 - 1 Grimsby Town FC

Journey:

Lady Luck is 12 today - Happy Birthday Miss. Eden-Maughan.

This meant that my trip to Spotland today was subject to a slight detour - via York. Miss. Eden-Maughan's birthday treat was a trip around York - in a gyrocopter. Very cool.

She even had a go at flying the gyrocopter - those of you who watch the news will note that York Minster was not hit by a small helicopter today - so I assume things went well. I haven't gone into the area of product endorsement before - but, if you would like to try this for yourself check out: www.theGyrocopterExperience.co.uk.

If you would like to promote your business or products in this match report - bring cash. Lots.

Food:

Coffee, the new gloves worked a treat. To my horror the Sandy Patisserie had run out of meat and potato pies - all they had left was cheese pies.

CHEESE! - PIE! Am I hearing right? It's just wrong. Wrong.

In protest, I ate it very quickly and enjoyed it not one bit.

Weather:

Vivid cerulean skies, towering columns of milky white cloud, bright sunshine.

However, just as the game was about to kick off we were treated to a few minutes of hail. Just as quickly as it arrived - it was gone - and we were back to blue skies and sunshine.

Variety. That is the key.

Away Support:

Maybe 100. After last week's Wembley adventure my guess is that the Grimsby massive were spent-up. Dejected looking and largely silent throughout.

Action:

Dale were well and truly on the up entering this contest - coming off the back of three wins and safely installed in a playoff berth. The Mariners were on a down - shattering disappointment at Wembley last weekend and little or nothing to play for as the season runs down.

An interesting recipe, an interesting first half.

Dale and Grimsby poked and prodded at one another in a fairly open half. Neither really committing fully to the game. Chances were rare for both teams - although both sides agitated the furniture - Dale from a Thorpe header and a Rundle free-kick - Grimsby from a swervy Toner free kick.

Pretty uninspiring stuff.

It seemed like the talking point of the half would be Thorpe's untimely departure following what appeared to be a dead-leg. USS Howe slipped his moorings and joined the action in place of the hobbling Thorpe.

Mr. McDermid of Middlesex had indicated his intentions to control the game from very early on. Grimsby's Hunt making his way into the book on ten minutes.

Nathan Jarman should probably have taken note. Regrettably for him - the lesson was lost. A fairly ugly challenge on Tom Kennedy saw him join Hunt around the half hour mark - and on thirty seven minutes an equally agricultural swipe at David Perkins saw him gain a second caution followed by a brisk walk to the dressing room.

The man advantage bore no instant fruit for Dale and the half wound down without further incident. As it was Lady Luck's birthday, Mrs. Eden-Maughan was back on the team sheet along with my neice, Miss. Pixton who was attending her very first football match. They had elected to go into the main stand.

I was accompanied by Messers Keane and Mitchell in the Sandy. The social butterfly that is Mr. Turner had decided to ensconce himself in the Pearl Street Stand. Celebrities!

The big news of half time was that Dagnall, having picked up a cold would not be on the bench today. More alarmingly, Spotty - the Dalemation was nowhere in sight. Desmond was left to frolic alone. As we listened to the half time scores over the PA - with a mixture of joy and disappointment - the skies turned leaden and snow began to fall.

In our half time musings, Mr Mitchell and I felt that a policy a patient pressure would be the way of the second half. But, what do we know?

The snow cleared, the sun came out and on 47 minutes Dale were in the lead.

An instant of artifice from Kennedy sprang Rundle clear, a pin-point left foot cross, USS Howe - arriving at flank speed - with a powerful close range header. Who needs patience?

The Mariners were visibly deflated - whatever plan they may have had was now in tatters. Unsurprisingly, just seven minutes later Dale doubled their advantage when Higginbotham flicked on for USS Howe who navigated through Grimsby's trawler bloackade and unleashed a telling broadside. 2- 0 Dale.

St. Adam joined the fray on 69 for Muirhead and very nearly made it three for Dale - only sharp reactions from Barnes denied him.

Perkins made way for Basham on 83 - in what could be described as a tactical substitution. Mrs. Eden-Maughan had over heard an exchange between Mr. McDermid and Perkins which concluded along the lines of 'you've already been booked lad - one more word and you are off'.

The resulting reorganisation gifted Grimsby a rare opportunity which they grabbed with both hands. Slack Dale defending allowed Taylor to pull one back for the Mariners on 85. 2 - 1. Nervous times ahead.

With the chance of a point - Grimsby threw everything forward - bringing on veteran striker Gary Jones (no not that one!) on 87.

After a few uncomfortable minutes the ball arrived at the feet of Higginbotham. A moment of delightful interplay between Higinbotham and Le Fondre cut the Grimsby defence apart and set up USS Howe to deliver the final coupe-de-gras. 3 - 1 Dale.

Four wins on the bounce - I have a nose bleed.

Summary:

A scrappy first half including a sending off followed by another Dale hat-trick and a convincing win. Three hat-tricks in less than two months - where is Rochdale AFC and what have these lads done with them?

Up to 6th place now.

Onward to Wembley!

Turner Watch:

Too good for the likes of us peasants these days. You've changed man.

5/04/08