Nothing to see here

Rola Cola Sposored English League Two
Rochdale AFC 0-0 Port Vale FC

Journey

The wife and I went to Southport today.  A walk along the beach.  A bit of dinner.  That was sort of thing.  Unfortunately, Southport had other idea's.  The sea had retired to somewhere near the coast of Ireland.  I invested 50p in one of the telescopes on the pier in the vain hope of catching a glimpse of the briny deep - something more powerful was probably in order - sadly Jodrell Bank wasn't handy.  Still, there was the prospect of a bit of dinner.  Erm - no.  Silcock's Chippy was shut.  We tried McDonald's - it was also shut.  In fact, everything was shut. We wandered about for a bit and then came home - in short, as a day trip, it was a bit of a write-off. 

Still, there was the football to look forward to.  The visit of Port Vale tonight promised another Dale goal-fest.  After the convincing demolition of Cheltenham at the weekend Dale are in flying form.  We might even get brackets tonight.

As I made my way slowly back down the traffic clogged M6 I got a text from Mr. Keane.  It is the same text every Dale fan got by one means or another this afternoon: 'Buckley has been sold to Watford'.

Weather    

Cold and damp.  You were expecting beach weather?

Food 

I have written to the nation's pie manufacturers concerning my share of the profits following the massive increase in pie sales in the last twelve months.  I have explained in some detail my unstinting efforts to promote the pie in all it's forms.  I imagine the cheques will roll in any day now. 

Away Support

About two hundred of the hardier souls of Stoke had made the journey tonight - fairly vocal throughout in spite of the events on the field - god bless them for trying.

Total gate tonight was 3081.  If you leave out the away fans - there were 2800 or so Dale fans in Spotland.  Slow progress - but progress nonetheless.

News

A word from our sponsors. The nattily titled Home Energy and Associated Trades Ltd have become Dale's new club sponsor.  Look out for 'Mr. Heat' around Spotland - no, not the aging porn star - the smirking, house-shaped cartoon character.

No heat related puns.  Tom Heaton re-extends his loan at Spotland until the end of the week.  The heat goes on and on and on - sorry.

Mind the gap. I mentioned it earlier - but today saw the final chapter of the Will Buckley to [insert club here] saga.  Granted, few had suspected the recently destitute Watford as his destination.  In his short time at Spotland he became the poster boy for the 'New Dale' and a firm favourite with the fans - who could forget his terrorising of Bradford last season?  His departure is very sad - but the move has financed the purchase of O'Grady and secured the services of Taylor and Haworth.  Not a bad exchange.  Good luck Will Buckley - gone but never forgotten.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Wiseman, Stanton, Dawson, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Haworth, Taylor, Kennedy(J), Thompson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Arthur, McArdle, Flynn, Jones, Rundle, Hagan, Higginbotham

Rochdale's recent history with Vale has been a mixed and pretty inconclusive bag.  A curious defeat, a scruffy win and a mildly controversial draw.  Having disposed of the wildly unpopular Dean Glover at the end of last season, Mickey Adams has been recruited to impress his own individual style on the Potteries side.  Whilst far from prolific in front of goal, he has made the Valiant's very hard to beat - 12 draws and just 5 defeats from 24 games makes it clear that this season's Vale are no mugs.  Mind you, considering that Mr. Adam's put the whole team on the transfer list earlier in the season after a dip in form - the incentive to perform well is pretty strong.

The first half started brightly for Dale.  Andy Haworth drove upfield, skipped around a couple of Vale defenders and lashed a shot goalwards.  Chris Martin (no, not that one) in the Port Vale goal scampered, but the shot finished just wide of the post.  Vale quickly recovered and forced a string of corners which worked the Dale defence hard.

Whilst the rest of his team were upfield, I suspect that Chris Martin was digging trenches around his eighteen yard box.  Vale fell back on the prepared positions and set themselves to repel the Dale assault.  Dale prodded, probed and on occasion they seemed to have broken through only for the Vale defence to rally and throw them back again.  A powerful O'Grady header was deflected away from goal by a Vale defender throwing himself in the path of the ball.  Dagnall was hurried into a shot by a charging Valiant, the effort going well over and later Dagnall would have the ball whipped off his toe by Chris Martin as he shaped to shoot.

With minutes to go, the beseiged Valiants did manage to break out.  Lewis Haldane producing the only on target effort of the half which Heaton saved comfortably.

During halftime, Mr. Golden Gamble did his stuff, Mr. Sweetmore read out the halftime scores and then treated us to a selection of music.  Mr. Sweetmore has won awards for the quality of the music played at Spotland.  The mix of indie classics is some of the best I have heard at any football ground - and I have been to a few.  Thererfore what happened next was a bit out of the ordinary.  I was chatting to Messers Culshaw, Ashworth, Sharples and Jones - when as a man we realised something was very wrong.  The latest tune seemed to consist exclusively of a stream of profanities.  We looked at Mr. Sweetmore and mouthed 'What?'  Thankfully the players came trotting out, the track was cut off and Mr. Sweetmore wiped a bead of sweat from his brow.

The second half started at express pace.  Haworth romped into the box and lashed the ball goalward, Martin parried, Dagnall pounced - but Martin recovered and beat away the danger.  Moments later the second best chance of the game fell to that man Lewis Haldane.  His shot picked up a crazy deflection which sent it soaring into the night sky before dropping towards Tom Heaton's goal.  Fortunately, Heaton was alert to the danger, back pedalled furiously and clawed the ball around the post.

After that little flurry of activity, Vale returned to their trenches.  Dale hammered at the defences - but the Valiants were not to be moved.  Tom Kennedy limped off to be replaced by McArdle, Gary Jones (remember him?) replaced Jason Kennedy, Higginbotham replaced Haworth.  Dale had played all of their cards in an effort to breach the stubborn Vale defences.  Chances came and went, but half chances at best.  However, just for one instant it seemed that Dale had broken the deadlock.  From all of ten yards and with the goal at his mercy, Dagnall unleashed a rasping shot.  It smashed off the underside of that bar and bounced back into play.  It would prove to be Dale's best chance of the game.

As time ebbed away, Vale appealed for a penalty after Haldane collapsed theatrically in the area under challenge from McArdle - no penalty - and Dale appealed minutes later when Anthony Griffiths appeared to handle the ball in the Valiants area - no penalty.

Stalemate.

Speak Your Brains 

Your cast for today:  Myself and Mr. Keane.

• 
  
  Dale stretch their lead to 10 points at the top of League Two.
• 
  
  First draw of the season at Spotland and Dale's first 0-0 since August 2008 - against Grimsby.
• 
  
  For all the effort expended tonight, it was a bit of a non-event - that's the second time that has happened to me today.
• 
  
  It was good to see Jones again - although his introduction did seem a bit 'last throw of the dice'.
• 
  
  Port Vale wanted a point. Port Vale got a point. The most determined defensive performance I have seen all season - not exactly thrilling to watch - but I guess that's what the threat of the sack will do for you.
• 
  
  Following what turned out to be a very tough test, Dale will no doubt be looking forward to a nice low key game next time out.  Unlucky.  See you at Gigg Lane.

Back to basics

Rochdale AFC 1 - 0 Port Vale FC

Journey:

The journey back from Bournemouth had been a long and miserable one. I have heard people use the word 'inconsolable' before. I never really understood exactly what it meant until last Saturday.

Still, as the week wore on the disappointment and anguish began to fade and I remembered that there have been worse times following Rochdale AFC. Much worse times. Many much worse times.

Lets face it - even after the 'Dean Court Demolition', Dale are still fifth in the league with five games to play. A win today and with other results going Rochdale's way - they could bounce back up to third. Such is the nature of League Two this season. It is just too close to call.

Back through the mists of time, long before I became a plaything of the media, the format for match days was simplicity itself. A pre-match pint or two with Messers Keane and Mitchell and then two hours on the Sandy, just to the right of the goal, near the wonky bit of concrete that moved when you stood on it. Possibly followed by a post-match pint or two.

A simple basic formula.

After last weekend, we needed to get back to basics. I hung up my headset - cast aside the allure of the free buffet - eschewed the chance to once again gawp stupidly at Keith Hill as he made his post match utterances and met Mr. Keane for a pre-match pint in the Studds Bar. Suitibly fortified we sallied forth to meet Mr. Mitchell on the Sandy, just to the right of the goal, near the wonky bit of concrete that moves when you stand on it.

In times of trouble - go with what you know.

Weather:

After my clothing disaster at the home game vs. Barnet at the start of the season where I misjudged the balmy conditions and spent the whole game sweating like a cart horse under my big coat - I opted for a light summer shirt today. Blue skies, a few cotton wool clouds and sun! sun! sun! As I was driving to Spotland I saw leaves on the tree's - no really. Leaves!

Food:

Am I meant to be on a diet? Yes, I think I am. I'm pretty sure I agreed to it.

The good news is that this week's guest pie was diet meat and potato. Just like classic meat and potato - but only 45% fat. As I say, just like classic meat and potato - but they add the word 'only' - which is nice.

Away Support:

3-400. A decent turnout considering the Easter traffic. Maybe they were hoping that Issac Newton would intervene on their behalf again.

Action:

In the aftermath of the Bournemouth game Mr. Hill had given an uncharacteristically down beat interview which had most Dale fans hoping that anything slicy, staby or tablety had be removed from his immediate reach. In response to Mr. Hill's shell shocked summary of the trip to Dean Court - something very odd happened. A ringing endorsement of Mr. Hill, Mr. Flitcroft, the players, the staff and just about anyone connected with Rochdale AFC - from the chairman, Mr. Dunphy.

Now then, for those who follow football, getting the 'full backing of the chairman' has an ominous ring to it. Normally it can be translated as, 'I wouldn't be making any plans to redecorate your office young man'. But this time it wasn't. It was a bit more like a protective father having a word with the neighbours after his favoured son's 16th birthday party had gotten slightly out of hand and the Police, Fire Brigade and Coast Guard had to be called out.

The message was pretty clear. I'm proud of the boy. He's a good lad. Don't judge him on that alone. He will make it right. Quite touching really.

In other news, Dale keeper James Spencer has gone to Chester on an emergency loan. After his fateful 'Charge of the Light Brigade' at Edgeley Park last season - few Rochdale fans have truly forgiven him. His departure went unremarked and unquestioned.

After the events of last weekend it wasn't a surprise that Mr. Hill elected to ring the changes. Fielding would remain in goal. Marcus Holness would make a rare appearance at centre half along side McArdle. Wiseman would drop to the bench, Ramsden (hair growing back nicely now) would take his place at right full back. Kennedy kept his place at left full-back.

Toner would retain his place at centre midfield but would be partnered by Clark Keltie, Mark Jones was not even considered worthy of a place on the bench. Buckley would re-take his place on the left and in a real turn up for the books - Kallum Higginbotham would start on the right. Following a season where he has played little part for Dale and spent a good chunk of the season out on loan - perhaps this would be the chance for last season's darling to rekindle his fortunes.

In the absence of Thorpe, LeFondre (minus pink boots) and Dagnall would lead the line.

The Valiants have had a pretty indifferent season. They loiter in mid-table - there is slim danger of relegation and scant chance of the play-off's for them. From the opening whistle it was pretty clear that they would really rather just get this over with.

On the other hand, Dale had a point to make. Nothing but a win would do today. From the opening moments it was pretty clear that Messers Hill and Flitcroft had also decided to fall back on what they know best. Dale attacked.

Higginbotham and Buckley set to their task with gusto. Higginbotham in particular was causing the Port Vale defence significant issues. Dagnall and LeFondre were also getting a good deal of joy against the Vale centre backs - neither of whom were of great stature or particularly mobile.

To a soundtrack of the Noisy Boys bellowing 'Barmy Army' in a rather complicated descant, Rochdale rolled forward again and again. However, in spite of all the pressure, a Tom Kennedy freekick which the Vale keeper, Martin, nudged over the bar (to be awarded a goal kick!) and a Chris Dagnall drive which fizzed wide were all that Dale had to show for their labours. Frantic Port Vale defending and a few slices of luck were enough to keep the visitors in the tie.

The torrent of Dale attacks subsided slightly and as is the way with these things, Vale got their first serious chance on goal. A corner directed back accross goal by Taylor found McCombe in an indecent amount of space - his resulting header cannoned back of the upright with Fielding nowhere in sight.

Startled into action Rochdale rolled forward once more. Just after the half hour Higginbothom went to earth following a strong but fair challenge as he drove towards the byline. The seconds ticked by but there he remained - prone on the turf. The Physio, Mr. Thorpe, was summoned and in due course Higginbotham was carried to the touchline.

While he was being treated, Dale continued to press. On 36 minutes the breakthrough finally came. Dagnall had chased a ball which seemed to be heading out of play for a goal kick. Just at the moment where it seemed his efforts would be in vain, he stretched out a leg and hooked the ball accross the face of the goal. From all of one foot and through a combination of stomach and thigh, Buckley smuggled the ball past Martin. 1-0 Dale!

Maybe it was the release of the frustration which had built up through the week, maybe it was just relief - whatever it was, Spotland exploded. The celebrations were only slightly tempered by the sight of Higginbotham being carried back to the dug-out, clearly in pain. Thompson would replace him.

All in all a good 45 minutes from Dale. A goal to the good against a side who had offered very little and a creditable performance from all in Rochdale colours.

Half time was spent crowded around Mr. Mitchell's fancy phone trying to get the scores from the other League Two games from t'internet and trying to work out the horribly complicated maths which would reveal where Dale stood in the league. In the face of a slow internet connection and the collective mathematical capabillities of a meat and potato pie - we gave up. Rochdale could go as high as fourth was as much as we could surmise.

After the thrills and spills of the first period the second half was a far more measured affair. Vale occasionally probed forward but to little effect. Rochdale had a couple of opportunities to extend their advantage including a very late effort from Dagnall which forced a very good save from Martin. Aside of the home debut of Gary Madine and the late introduction of Port Vale fan favourite, Danny Glover, to a gale of derision from the away fans - there is little else to remark on.

1-0 Dale.

Summary:

A good first half followed by a non-event of a second half.

Dagnall had a truly exceptional game - not just for his efforts in creating the goal - his all round play, endeavour and energy throughout the game was exemplary. It was just a shame that he couldn't get himself on the scoresheet as well.

After last weekend's comprehensive hammering it was vital that Dale turn in a good performance. This was far from vintage Rochdale - but with three points in the bank, Messers Mitchell, Keane and I could tuck into our post match refreshments with renewed optimism.

Four games remain and Rochdale are fifth.

Turner Watch:

The eagle eyed amongst you will have spotted that Mr. Turner was not mentioned in my little meander down memory lane earlier. There is a reason for this. Mr. Turner was not part of the original line-up - he only joined our happy little band in the summer of 2003 after I discovered him under a pile of coats on a Stag-Do in Whitley Bay
.

In my darker moments, I wish I was not quite so inquisitive.

11/04/09

Isaac Newton has the answer

Port Vale FC 2 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

All this travelling has become a bit of a doddle. I have been all over the place this season - and nothing has deflected me from my sacred purpose. Night games at Gillingham, Lincoln and Notts County proved no problem. Saturday's away to Brentford and Exeter went surprisingly smoothly. Even a Sat Nav with a mind of her own, which whilst quite irritating, has always come through for me. I really didn't see what all the fuss was about.

Well until today that is...

Port Vale - apart from not actually being a real place - is one of the shorter away trips on my calendar this season. Not even as far as Stoke. No more than an hour's driving. With quiet roads due to the Christmas holidays maybe even a bit quicker.

Mr. Keane and Keane jnr arrived at 12:30 - allowing for a stop for fuel, drinks etc we joined the motorway at 12:50.

Remember all that stuff about 'quiet roads', 'not even as far as Stoke' and 'no more than a hour's driving'. That was all rubbish.

Things started well enough - but as soon as we joined the M60, things began to slow down. By the M62 things were moving seriously sluggishly. Once we were as far as the M6 we were pretty much stationary. The cause? An accident somewhere near Birmingham.

In this situation I always start from the ground state of 'I really hope everyone is OK'. Well everyone does - don't they. However, as time bleeds away and my sub one hour journey expands into over two hours. Other thoughts cross my mind. Usually along the lines of 'what did they do to cause the accident?'. I know it is wrong. But on a typical motorway journey I see so much genuinely awful driving that I live in a state of permanent amazement that there aren't actually more accidents: Middle lane driving, changing lanes without indicating or looking, driving too fast, driving much too slowly - none of these things help. But there is one thing that I think would really help the situation. A simple thing really. When you are driving - make driving at least the most important thing that you are doing. This applies to me to.

At 14:55 hours we finally arrived at Vale Park.

Weather:

Not sunny, not windy, not rainy... Just grey and a bit chilly.

Food:

I hadn't really intended to produce a 'Good Pie Guide' when I started doing this. However, I have had a lot more positive feedback on the 'Food' section than the 'Action' section. So without further ado:

The pies at Port Vale come in plastic bags! I was shocked at Gillingham when I was served my pie on a paper plate - but pie in a bag! Judging by my now expert palate, I surmise that the bag plays some part in the cooking process. I base this on the fact that the pie whilst quite tasty - was very damp (caused by the bag retaining the moisture, one presumes) and apt to fall apart.

Let the record show that Mr. Keane's pie was cold. Which provoked some disgruntled harrumphing from him. The fact that the manufacturer of said pies sponsored the 4th officials board only seemed to upset him more.

Ground:

Having finally made it to Vale Park, found somewhere to park, queued up to buy a ticket, queued up again to get into the ground, I arrived at my seat just as the game was kicking off.

I really don't understand why Port Vale operate this 'queue twice' system. Nowhere else does. Under normal circumstances it would make no sense - with tempers frayed today due to the traffic situation, I am surprised there wasn't a riot. Although if there had been, the hundreds of police officers who were loitering around the ground may have been put to some more practical use than simply drawing double-time.

And so to Vale Park. It is on top of a small hill, into which the stands are partially sunk. I am guessing it was an athletics style bowl at some stage in its history. Looking around Vale Park it is pretty obvious that The Vale have come from a better place - as the ground is all quite modern and well maintained. The only thing is, the rather heavy use of grey coloured, corrugated steel makes it look like a small industrial estate which someone has thoughtfully dropped a field into the middle of. Curious.

Action:

A couple of surprises on the team news front. Russell in goal. Kennedy, Stanton, Mcardle & Ramsden accross the back. Ramsden retaining his place ahead of Wiseman who would start on the bench. Rundle, Keltie and Toner accross the middle - with a rare return to the starting line-up for Higginbotham. Dagnall would partner the Evil one upfront.

The first half was a lively if rather frustrating affair. The Valiants had not been having the best of times this season, recording a number of home defeats. Consequently they set themselves up to defend deep and in depth. Dale were able to roll forward pretty much at will and generated a decent selection of opportunities. However, a combination of highly professional defending and goal keeping from Vale and some slightly indifferent passing from Dale meant that while Rochdale were very much on top, real chances were few and far between.

Vale's approach to the game was a bit troubling at times - may I introduce the five visits of the Port Vale Physio to the pitch in the first half as exhibit 'A'. It was pretty clear that the Vale plan relied upon ensuring that the very minimum of football that could be played - was played. Rochdale huffed and puffed in a sufficiently wolfish manner, but never looked like blowing the Vale house down. As the whistle went and darkness descended the tie remained level at 0-0.

During half time Mr. Keane set off in search of a hot dog with Keane jnr in tow. Having stayed with my seat I was treated to a visit from Playboy Dan. I haven't seen Rochdale's answer to Daniel Craig in quite a while so it was good to catch up with him again. Plus - he managed to horn in on the first match report of the season by fighting his way through the half time throng - so it seemed natural that he would repeat the trick to get into the last report of the year. I had considered doing a rundown of Playboy Dan's highlight's of the season so far. I didn't consider it for long.

Just as the second half kicked off, Mr. Keane returned from his hot dog quest - triumphant. Well, triumphant-ish. There was the small matter of re-hydrated onion for him to contend with. But as I say - mostly triumphant. To explain just exactly what happened in the second half - I need to invoke Newton's third law of motion.

No, Seriously. No, really - I mean it. Trust me on this.

Newton's third law states (broadly) - every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Basically, the harder you throw a rubber ball against a wall - the further it will rebound. Or in this specific example, the more pressure you exert on a football team without taking your chances - the greater the surprise when they score.

Rochdale started the second half just as they had ended the first. Wave after wave of Dale attacks broke over the Vale defence. Every one firmly repulsed. Rochdale made changes - LeFondre and Thompson taking the place of Dagnall and Rundle around 65 minutes. But there was still no way through - and then Mr. Newton took centre stage. On 75 minutes yet another Dale attack collapsed - the Vale full-back picked up the ball, ran up the right wing, crossed it into the box where the Vale manager's little boy calmly slotted it home. 1-0 Vale.

Thoroughly deserved - just very, very annoying.

Rochdale rallied and five minutes later Vale were down to ten men after Mr. Glover's little boy had tried to put Tom Kennedy into low earth orbit, two minutes later and a fairly industrial challenge on St. Adam saw Rochdale secure a penalty kick. LeFondre performed the honours as he has so many times this season. 1-1.

With just minutes remaining and a point in the bag perhaps now was the time to exert caution. No! No! No!

Vale suddenly looked like they were beatable - their hitherto bullet proof organisation was gone. This is what Rochdale had waited 80+ minutes for. Dale launched themselves at the Valiants - even Rory McArdle found himself pressed into service as an auxilliary forward. Just a little more pressure and Port Vale were bound to crack.

Mr. Newton regarded the scene and probably smirked.

A Dale attack fizzled out - Vale swept the ball forward and through the almost non-existent Rochdale rearguard. Russell parried Howland's initial effort - but only as far as Vale substitute Steve Thompson who made no mistake from close range. 2-1 Vale.

Summary:

As I stumbled numbly towards the exit Playboy Boy appeared at my shoulder.

'Whatever do you suppose just happend there then?' - conveys the main thrust of what he actually said.

Port Vale were not great today - but they did have a plan and they took their chances when they came. Rochdale were not great either but also had a plan - however, few of their chances were clear cut and those that were did not find the back of the net.

What happened today? Physics - probably.

Turner Watch:

Developing a set of new physical laws which explain why after four pineapple andcheese on a stick thingys - you really don't fancy another one.

28/12/08