Timing is everything

Wycombe Wanderers FC 0 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

I used to work with a bloke called Pete. His catch phrase was 'timing is everything'. His view was that in every aspect of life - the timing of things was probably more important than the things themselves. He applied this to work, football and with irritatingly consistent success to the game of pool. Essentially, too soon or too late are every bit as bad as not at all. There is an optimal moment in time where everything should come together to achieve the perfect result. Timing is everything.

My SatNav's timing couldn't have been worse. Somewhere in the environ's of Warrington at 2:35pm on Friday, Jane died.

Not in her usual - just refusing to accept instructions - sort of way. A black screen with the unhelpful message: 'An unrecoverable error has occurred'. I tried all the usual tricks to coax her back into action - but nothing worked. Dead as a door nail

At times like this you are supposed to say nice things about the recently departed. In Jane's case I can only say that she was a wilful, capricious and contrary madam who has made several journeys this season almost impossible.

The trouble was I needed her. I have never been to Wycombe before - much less Adam's Park and I would have no time to get a replacement before setting off this morning.

Desperate measures were required. When I got home on Friday afternoon, I read the manual.

I found an interesting section on page one: 'It is recommended that before using your SatNav that you connect it to your computer - with the cable provided, install the supplied software (CD enclosed) and download critical software updates.' Mmmm. I have had Jane for nearly two years. Probably should have read this bit a little sooner.

Thirty minutes and dozens of software upgrades later - and in the manner of the Bride of Frankenstein (the clap of thunder was somewhat unexpected) - Jane gasped back into consciousness. SHE'S ALIVE, MY CREATION IS ALIVE!

At 9:20am I pulled up outside the Club Shop. Today I would be once again taking up my role as chaffeur/bloke who repeats what the other guy said. After a few minutes of loitering, Mr. Culshaw arrived and along with Mr. Brookes and Mr. Ashworth from the Daleworld commentary team we saddled up and headed south.

M62, M60, M62, M6, M5, M40. Actually very easy indeed. Allowing for a longish stop for tea and buns near Birmingham we arrived in Buckinghamshire just after 1pm.

As is now customary, the trip was punctuated by I-Pod related sniping. However, when I pointed out the alternative to listening to my I-Pod - the hard shoulder - that seemed to calm things down a little. In truth I suspect it was just nerves - because the one thing we did not talk about at all on the journey was the game.

This one is a biggie. Due to midweek fixtures Dale had been bounced down to fourth place. A win today and (with other results favouring Rochdale) we could be in 2nd spot again. Defeat could mean slipping out of the play-off slots altogether. Wycombe had been in the top three pretty much all season. This was not going to be easy.

As I waited for my press pass in reception at Adams Park, the Rochdale team arrived. As this season has worn on I have moved past starring at my feet or gawping, open mouthed at the players. I watched them file past with something approaching composure. They were cheerful, but serious. They knew it wasn't going to be easy either.

Weather:

After my prediction last week that Spring was on it's way at last (which usually guarantee's unseasonal ice storms), we were treated to a bonafide Spring day. Clear skies, warm sunshine and a little nip in the breeze to remind you that it isn't quite summer yet. Pretty much perfect.

Food:

A cheeseburger from a vendor outside the ground. Curiously it appeared to include a relish made of caramelised celery and mushroom. Most odd - even for the south. That said, it looked and smelled scrumptious. Unfortunately it tasted of - well - nothing at all.

Another £2.50 I will never see again.

Ground:

Quite charming really. Food stalls outside (see above), ice cream vans, face painting, bouncy castles - it felt a bit like a village fete. As for Adam's Park itself, whilst all rather new and shiny - I couldn't shake the feeling that the outside looked like a train station or perhaps a supermarket. There isn't anything wrong with that - just that at first glance it doesn't really look like a football ground.

Inside it really is very good. A large modern main stand with a big two tier stand facing it, a modern covered terrace at one end and another large seated stand at the other which would house the 3-400 away fans today. Not quite the Darlington Arena or Meadow Lane - but definitely one of the best grounds in the league.

If all this isn't enough - it is pretty well surrounded by woodland. On a warm Spring day like today, Adam's Park is almost idyllic.

Action:

Big news! The nice folks at Sky Television have decided to put Dale on the idiot lantern. On Saturday 18th April at 12:45pm you will be able to see Rochdale take on Darlington 'Exclusively Live from Spotland' (not 'Scotland' as they once misprinted it) on Sky Sport's One. Who are you to resist eh?

In other news, Dale's very own answer to the Yo-Yo, Lee McEvilly, has gone out on loan to Barrow for a month. Within 24 hours of this rather startling piece of news, we heard that Rochdale had signed 18 year old centre forward, Gary Madine, from Carlisle - on loan for a month.

As for the team, Toner had recovered from his hamstring injury and would join the bench. Jones continuing injury problems would rule him out. The Shaker Maker, having recovered from the worst effects of Bradford had succumbed to Tonsilitis. Dagnall, having seen out his three match suspension, would return to the starting eleven - on the right wing - I did wonder about this myself. A jippy tummy meant that Stanton would spend the game on the bench - Ramsden would deputise at centre half.

In other news, the Yellows overcame their opponents 5-1 this morning to keep their promotion charge rolling.

As I settled into the commentary box today I faced a unique double challenge: providing match commentary for the population of Rochdale Infirmary and providing text updates to Mr. Keane. It is not that unusal for Mr. Keane to be absent from away games - he usually keeps abreast of developments through the commentary of Messers. Brookes and Ashworth on Daleworld. Not today however. The man who took Ms. Bentley for a romantic weekend in Preston earlier in the season - has struck again. Obviously he didn't take her to Preston again. Obviously. He is Mr. Romance afterall. He took her to Leeds.

So, timing. Firstly, I could reflect on the timing of the Chair Boys puzzling decision to spend the first half camped on the edge of their own area. Being at home in a critical tie like this I had expected a bit more - I was to be disappointed. I could reflect on the excellent timing of Wycombe's on-loan keeper, Marek Stech, who time after time was in just the right spot to thwart an unremitting bombardment of his goal by Dale. In the opening 45 minutes Dale could - probably should have been 2 or 3 up. Stech's irksome ability to be in the right place at the right time meant that the scorer would remain untroubled.

I could comment on Frank Fielding's timing to deny a rare effort from Wycombe's Akinde and then, whilst still sprawling on the ground, recover to parry Harrald's close range follow up. I might even favour you with an account of the timing of Fielding's tackle on Harrald as the Wycombe striker profited from a lazy clearance from Fielding to be presented with an empty goal to aim at. Harrald dithered for too long, Fielding's timing was exquisite. The danger passed.

I could even remark on the timing of Lee McEvilly debut goal for Barrow - news of which crackled through my headphones part way through the first half.

As you can see there was certainly plenty to talk about. The thing is - none of them were important. In this game there would be one perfect moment where timing really was everything. Lets talk about that:

The second half had been a pretty dreary affair. Dale's first half onslaught had subsided. Wycombe looked happy with a point. My text update to Mr. Keane read: 'Bit Boring'.

Elsewhere, second place sitters, Gillingham, were losing to Grimsby - but - Bury (5th) were winning against Chester albeit by a single goal and with just 10 men. The encouraging news was that the teams below Bury were also losing. It seemed that Dale would be dropping to 5th - Bury would go 3rd.

As the shadows drew out accross the pitch and the referee had a casual look at his watch - an excited voice from the studio announced that Chester had equalised in the 85th minute! Dale would now stay 4th.

Mr. Culshaw did the handover to the commentary team at Gigg Lane for their ruminations on Chester's equaliser. As the Gigg Lane team started to speak - Stech kicked the ball upfield, it wasn't a great kick - it didn't even make the half way line - it grounded a few yards in from touch. Rundle was on it like a shot and blitzed past the Wycombe right back. His cross found Madine in the six yard area. As Madine attempted to control the ball he became entangled with the Wycombe defender, Antwi, and both collapsed to the ground. But, Madine had not lost the ball. Still tangled up with Antwi he stuck out a leg and pushed the ball back to - well who else? - Adam LeFondre. From that range he really wasn't going to miss now was he. 1-0 Dale!!!

At times like this I have heard that everything is meant to go really slowly. It doesn't you know. The next few seconds were a blur. The Daleworld team had jumped out of their seats and launched all of their broadcasting equipment onto the floor. Someone bearing an uncanny resemblance to myself was pounding on the perspex which enclosed the commentary area whilst shouting 'GET IN!'. In the midst of all this chaos Mr. Culshaw was screaming 'BACK TO ME! COME BACK TO ME!' into the microphone.

I felt my final text update to Mr. Keane was a triumph of factual simplicity: 'Full time. 3 points.'

Dale go 2nd... Timing is everything.

Summary:

I'm not really certain what Wycombe's plan was today. Did they really intend to play out a 0-0 draw? For a team with plenty of attacking talent this just doesn't seem right. Thing is, it very nearly worked. Dale had given it everything they had in the first half and drawn a blank. The second half was far more even and in the closing ten minutes or so both teams seemed to have settled for a point. Considering the quality of Stech's performance - particularly in the first half - it was a shame that his mis-cued kick led to the Rochdale winner. In a close encounter like today, it was probably going to be a mistake that would decide things. So it proved.

So, timing. It really did turn out to be everything for Dale today. As it turned out it would be for me as well.

Having decided not to join the huge tail-back leading away from Adam's Park, Messers. Brookes, Ashworth, Culshaw and I hovered around the main entrance. Rochdale's Chairman Mr. Dunphy was there, grinning like a mad man, slapping backs, telling jokes. As Dale's finest filed onto the bus a small knot of Rochdale fans cheered and sang each players song in turn - when St. Adam emerged there was an explosion of clapping, cheering and chanting 'ALFIE! ALFIE! ALFIE!'. A perfect end to a perfect day...

Well not quite. The Rochdale physio, Mr. Thorpe, emerged and explained to Mr. Dunphy that Rory McArdle had taken a bang on the head. He had played the last 30 minutes of the game with double vision and a banging headache. He needed to go to hospital.

Mr. Brookes had heard all of this. He casually turned to me and said, 'you can take him can't you?'. 'Erm, sure'.

Messers. Brookes and Ashworth boarded the team bus. Messers. McArdle and Thorpe climbed into the back seats of the medium sized Audi.

As I rolled away from Adam's Park I mused on the fact that a few weeks ago I thought that being the official photographer for a night was the oddest thing that had happened this season. A quick look in the rear view mirror suggested otherwise.

Timing...

Turner Watch:

We had hoped to have Mr. Turner with us today. However, I understand that a new branch of Lidl needed opening in Bolsover - and Anthea Turner had cancelled. Ever the professional, Mr. Turner stepped into the breach.

21/03/09

Fame

Rochdale AFC 0 - 1 Wycombe Wanderers FC

Journey:

My trip to Spotland today involved a detour to Tesco to pick up a shirt. Mr. Kilgour ties the knot today and I needed something to wear at the reception later. Tesco may seem a little downscale - but it represents a triumph for Mrs. Eden-Maughan - she has finally pried me away from Matalan.

Having braved the bizarre parallel world that is the car park at Tesco (forget whatever you have lerned about driving and do whatever you feel like), I finally managed to park and trotted to the main entrance.

Well... It seemed it had finally happened. Bury fans were picketing the Rochdale branch of Tesco. OK - they had thrown away a 1-0 lead and come within a hairs breadth of losing the game last week - but picketing a major super market. This was a serious development.

Erm - well, not exactly.

It seems that not everybody shaking a bucket is a Bury fan. Under cross examination the silver haired lady who shook her bucket at me as I tried to walk into Tesco's kept to her: 'it's for Christian Aid' story. She had an honest face - I made a donation and pressed on.

Tesco.

Early one morning, quite some time ago and probably mildly hungover I met Tony Ford at the cash points at Tesco. This was my first brush with the Dale glitterati. The best I could manage was 'you're Tony Ford aren't you!' - he said 'yes' took his cash and headed for his car. My inability to say anything sensible around the good and the great could be an issue today...

Keane Jnr. would be one of today's official match mascots - thanks to some negotiation from Mr. Keane I would be part of the 'family' party - a seat in the Main Stand, just behind the dugout and unrestricted access to the players lounge - before, during and after the game. Theoretically, this should represent the greatest day of my life - assuming I didn't say anything really dim.

Whilst waiting for the rest of the 'family' party to arrive, Will 'Shaker Maker' Buckley walked right past me. Seconds later, John Shaw, Raphale Evans & Nathan D'Laryea also walked within inches of me.

Did I:

1) Nod as they passed by and say 'alright lads'

2) Heartily shake them by the hand and wish them a great season.

3) Nervously shuffle from foot to foot, making every effort to avoid eye contact.

I'll give you a clue - the correct answer begins with 'T' and ends with 'hree'.  All in all a pretty conservative start.

There was a brief moment of alarm when I tried talking to the real Mr. Golden Gamble - but Mr. Keane intervened in the knick of time to ensure that Rochdale's Mr. Vegas was not unduly detained or inconvenienced.

Weather:

Cool and cloudy with patches of blue and sporadic warm sunshine.

I should say at this point it was really warm in the players lounge - I mean really warm - in the players lounge - warm - players lounge - did I mention I was in the players lounge?

Food:

So - I saw quite a lot of Dale notables today. However, very little prepared me for seeing the girls who run the Sandy Lane Patissierie lurching into work - perhaps just the worse for their Friday night exertions. I can't be absolutely sure why - but this was every bit as exciting as seeing the players - I suspect I should get out more.

Being a pretend-VIP today I didn't have to go through the usual drudge of pie queues. A polite young lady in a smart uniform served me home made meat and potato pie with as much red cabbage as I wanted for £2.70 - to add to my dining experience, I got to eat it within spitting distance of the Dale board of directors (being a gentleman - obviously I didn't spit). A decent enough bunch all in all - well, apart from the fellow with the toupee. I suspect he is the only man alive who believes what the salesman told him:- 'your friends will never know'. Well, perhaps his friends never will - but the Keane 'family' party definitely did.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any better - Ex-Dale keeper Matt Gilks walked in... What a day.

Away Support:

Ms. Bentley in her new capacity as my unpaid and largely unappreciated researcher counted them - 109. Chanted like they were posessed throughout. Entertainment must be in really short supply in their neck of the woods if what Wycombe served up today was worthy of such raptures.

Action:

With moments to spare we took our seats in the main stand. The Keane 'family' party consisted of Mr. Keane, Ms. Bentley, Keane jnr (mascot boy), his little sister, young Mr. Bentley, Mr. Keane snr, Mr. Mitchell - and in a surprise return - Mrs. Mitchell. Oh - and myself in the capacity of celebrity hanger-on - or if you will - ligger.

I'll be honest, this new practice of having the players line up World Cup stylee before the game has left me a little cold this season. However, with Keane jnr taking a leading role - ably stewarded by the endlessly versatile Gary Jones - and a seat in the Main Stand meaning I could actually see what was going on - I thought it added something to the procedings. Keane jnr discharged his responsibilities with some degree of style - the Keane 'family' party all looked suitably proud.

It was around this point that I noticed that the actor Bernard Hill was sitting a little way away from me. For the younger generation - he was the king in Lord of the Rings - for me he will always be Yosser Hughes. This really was becoming a slightly surreal day.

And so to the game...

Shaw didn't start again, Ramsden replaced Wiseman at right fullback and due to an injury to Hellboy in the warm-up Ciaran Toner made his first start for Dale. Will 'Shaker Maker' Buckley kept his place on the right side of midfield.

We started with Daggers and St. Adam up top again - having seen Wycombe in action a couple of times last season it seemed likely they would have a tough afternoon.

Wycombe sides last term were not fantastically gifted or expressive - but they were ruthlessly organised, resolute in defence and most importantly took their chances when they materialised. Their new manager, Peter Taylor (Ex-England Manager - and one time Page Seven Fella in the Daily Star) clearly saw no reason to mess with a formula which took Wycombe all the way to the play-off's last season.

After last weeks poor start Dale seemed determined not to repeat the mistake. An impressive selection of chances were created - regrettably none of them being converted - at times it seemed that Dale were trying to walk the ball over the line. It was quite frustrating - lots of possession - some nice flashes of skill from Buckley - a placed effort from Daggers trickling inches wide of the post having already beaten the Chairboys keeper - but nothing to show for it.

Remember what I said about taking your chances...

On the half hour Wycombe won a corner - Russell saved the orginal Mike Williamson effort but the loose ball fell to Chris Zebroski who made no mistake from inside the area. 1-0 Wycombe.

Now, with sixty minutes to go you would think that there was a way back into this game - maybe even push for the win. You are clearly forgetting that we were playing Wycombe. Having got their goal, as far as the Chairboys were concerned the game was over - the referee just hadn't blown the whistle yet.

I enjoyed my half-time pint - I saw Marcus Holness in the players lounge - we speculated about how Playboy Dan may make his bid to get into this weeks report - I retook my seat and prepared for the inevitable.

Dale made a decent fist of the second half and when Thorpe joined on fifty-seven minutes there were moments when it seemed that there may be a way through. But - as I say - we were playing Wycombe. Chances came, chances went, the whistle blew, we left.

Summary:

Please don't misunderstand me - Dale were not bad today. In fact they controlled most of the game and played some nice tidy stuff. It all came down to finishing. Once again Dale generated more chances than the opposition but just couldn't find a way to finish them. Wycombe had one really decent chance and took it.

This was a disappointing end to what had been a brilliant day. The Keane 'family' party had planned to hang around for a while - maybe get some autographs, but the experience of watching Wycombe seemed to have squeezed every ounce of enthusiasm out of everyone. We just wanted to go home.

Turner Watch:

Q. What is a weekly feature in this report and also invisible?
A. No Turner Watch

He was at Mr. Kilgour's wedding so we didn't see his happy little face this week.

6/09/08

'Pick 'em up', where art thou?

Rochdale AFC 0 - 1 Wycombe Wanderers FC

Journey:

I can't blame Sudden roundabout for my 35 minute journey to Spotland today. I can't - because it isn't a roundabout anymore. The ongoing improvements dictated that both Edinburgh Way and Roch Valley Way were closed to traffic. Meaning the ex-roundabout was converted into a contra-flow cum cone storage area. A long and infuriating diversion via Spotland Bridge was the alternative - thanks RMBC - you're the best!

Food:

Diet Coke, Pie (just one), coffee at half time - fingers now devoid of finger prints. Mr. Keane and Mr. Turner opted for the burger option again (can't see the fascination my self) - Mr. Mitchell was captured on a hidden camera scarfing down a Twix.

Weather:

Grey, grey, grey. Not cold, not windy - not much of anything really.

Away Support:

About 100 - maybe a few more. A decent showing for such a long trip. A vocal minority kept up a fairly consistent chat of 'Rent Boys' throughout the game. I am obliged to querry this - as it pre-supposes that anyone would be willing to pay your typical Dale fan for what I am told transpires in some public conveniences. As for 'boys' - for me that ship left the harbour a very long time ago.

Action:

As the game began I was really excited. I had in fact been in a state of un-reasonable excitement since Tuesday. Following the win against 'that' Yorkshire last Saturday I was convinced that the metaphorical corner had been turned and that I was going to see Dale win for the first time in 2008. I was therefore devasted when I learned that Jack Frost had robbed us of our chance to rack up three more points against the ever hapless Notts County. Disappointment turned to fury as I was targetted as a 'figure of fun' by Bury fans over the brazier incident on Monday night. I think I handled it pretty well - I simply pointed out that Bury wouldn't have enough fans to do the same at Gigg(le) Lane if the need ever arose. Oh - and they have a rubbish ground.

So, excited - and with a point to prove.

Dale started like a thunder bolt. They moved and kept the ball well and seemed to have caught Wycombe cold. Young Billy Buckley seemed to work well with Howe and it seemed only a matter of time before the ball would be nestling in the back of the net.

I was and wasn't dissappointed...

On 13 minutes Wycombe were ahead through Leon Knight. Wycombe's first real effort of the game - and we were behind: again!

Un-bowed Dale fought on in the same spirit they had begun the game. They strung together a few decent chances and had a couple of promising close range free-kicks - one of which looked for all the world like it ought to have been a penalty. However, as the interval whistle blew the score remained 1-0 to Wycombe.

As half-time unfolded I was treated to Desmond and Spotty the Dale-mation (oh, god) frolic with the crowd and a group of distictly non-plussed youths traipse round the pitch holding up the winning 'Golden Gamble' number - 822 if you are interested. Whilst this feast for the eye rolled by I noticed that something was missing... 'Get off my train' wasn't in the crowd.

When you stand in the same place week-in, week-out you come to recognise certain regulars - and 'Get off my train' is almost like a landmark down and to my right (I won't explain why he is called 'Get off my train' - watch Ghost and then scan the Sandy to the right of the goal - you'll see what I mean). We are also treated to 'Staedler & Waldorf' two old boys immediately behind us who moan about everything. 'Tony Havana' - behind and to our right - looks like an ex-porn star and also moans about everything.

Then it really hit me - where was 'Pick 'em up'?

'Pick 'em up' is a strangulated scream which emenates from the rear of the Sandy and accompanies every corner Dale have defended for years - and also as I was to discover an anonymous looking middle aged man with an extravagant 'tache. I hadn't heard him at all this season - and feared for his well being. Mr. Keane reassured me that he was still there - and pointed him out to underline the fact. Why has 'Pick 'em up' been becalmed? Then the horrible possibility occurred - perhaps even he has lost the faith?

The second half kicked-off - and Dale were right back at it. They had more of the ball and were making the most of it. The Wanderers didn't really offer much but contained the Dale with a clinical professionalism which was tedious and admirable in the same breath.

Despite Dale's vigorous huffing and puffing there was still no break through. The fifty first minute saw the introduction of Higginbottom and LeFondre in place of the impressive Buckley and the endlessly disappointing Muirhead. LeFondre made an almost instant impact - lashing the ball just north of the bar with his second touch.

As time ran down Dale pushed forward again and again - but in spite of this Wycombe remained resolute and largely untroubled. The highlight of the half was LeFondre's shot on the turn from inside the Wanderers area - agonizingly, just inches wide.

1-0 to Wycombe - probably fair on balance - but still deeply disappointing. Another week goes by and I have yet to see Dale win in 2008.

Summary:

Young Buckley was great value. LeFondre remains a god-like genius. Jones and Perkins excellent as always. Holness and McArdle were outstanding - I particularly enjoyed McArdle's dribble past two men on the edge of his own 18 yard box. Spencer deputised well between the sticks and apart from recovering the ball from the net was barely involved. With so much good to recount - it is galling to report yet another defeat. The win will come - believe in the sign...

Turner Watch:

My belief is that getting his own section of the match report has gone to Mr. Turners head (alarming, I am sure you will agree). At times I felt he was deliberately hamming it up to steal the headlines. He sang ('Money for nothing' and rather bizarely 'We're off to see the Wizard'), danced and at one point went into some kind of aerobics routine.

However, all this was forgivable as through some bare faced cheek he had snagged me a complimentary ticket for the game. 8/10.

23/02/09