Ready or not

Rola Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rochdale AFC 2 - 3 Chesterfield FC

Journey

Men take no time at all to get ready.  Ladies take much, much longer.  These are known facts.  What few people appreciate is that children have the knack of not being ready - just when you really need them to be ready.  If you have children you may know the anguish of seeing your taxi to the airport arrive to discover that your child is no longer dressed in their smart holiday outfit - but is running around the kitchen wearing one sock, swimming trunks, a Batman cape and a tupperware bowl on their head.

Thus my journey begins.

In my continuing quest to seduce the innocent over to 'The Dale Side' I would be taking Mrs. Eden-Maughan and her associate Ms. Croney to the football this afternoon, along with her birthday boy son, Croney jnr, and her nephew Josh.  I arrived at the appointed hour.  I waited while presents were opened.  I waited while trousers were changed.  I waited while socks were put on.  I waited while coats were put on.  I waited while coats were discarded - and then put on again.  I waited through the false start a lack of shoes created.  I waited while shoes were put on.  I waited while more presents were delivered and then opened.  I waited while little actually seemed to be happening.  And then, quite without warning, everyone was ready.  I duly joined the queue of traffic which stretched all the way to the bottom of Roch Valley Way - and waited a bit more.

Weather

Pop upstairs.  Put the shower on - set it to the coldest setting.  Stand under the shower - no, don't bother getting undressed.  Are you with me?

Food

I used to do something in this section - no, it's gone again - probably not important.  Trousers continue to expand at an alarming rate.

Away Support

300-400.  Maybe a few more.  A feisty bunch who got into the 'Who Are Ya's!?!' before Referee Gibbs had even started the game.  That said, the 2,700 or so home fans gave pretty much as good as they got.  Today marked the biggest attendance of the season so far with 3011 souls in Spotland.

News

The heat is on.  So, Josh Lillis in goal for Bournemouth, Kenny Arthur in goal for Luton away, Danny Taberner in goal for Luton at home... and for today!  Highly fancied young keeper Tom Heaton made the trip round the M60 from Old Trafford to fill in between the sticks.  Heaton will be on loan at Spotland till the end of December.  Four keepers in four games - this may be some kind of Dale record.

Bo Selecta.  Toner's road to recovery is proving to be a long one.  Stanton sitting out game three of a four game ban following his shenanigins at Dean Court.  Rundle and Thompson both ruled out after pulling up on Wednesday night.  Buckley doubtful.  The only bright spot being the return of Wiseman.  Selection at Spotland these days is definitely not Bo.

Action 

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Wiseman, McArdle, Dawson, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Stevens, Jones, Kenndy(J)

For: Whaley, O'Grady, Dagnall

Bench: Taberner, Holness, Flynn, Manga, Spencer, Higginbotham, Buckley

I arrived in the press box to be greeted by a wild eyed Mr. Culshaw.  'It's 4-3-3!' - although from his tone it sounded more like, 'We're All Doomed!'.  There is a good reason for this.  Every time Dale start 4-3-3 it goes a bit, well - wobbly.  History is littered with good (possibly bad) examples.  Maybe it was tactical, maybe it was due to the shortage of healthy wide men.  But 4-3-3 it was.  On the upside, Buckley would make the bench.  Mention should also be made of Dale hero's of yesteryear David Perkins and Tommy Lee returning to Spotland in Chesterfield colours today.  Perkins for the first time since that amazing day in 2008.  As they were introduced, the applause was both rich and genuine.

After real concern that Mr.Gibbs might call the game off after a day of torrential rain, smart work by the groundsmen ensured that despite the continuing wet and wild conditions the game kicked off as planned.

As now seems to be the tradition, Rochdale roared out of the blocks.  O'Grady almost making good on a Wiseman cross in the opening minute.  Whaley fired over.  Dagnall forced a couple of good saves from Tommy Lee and a man bearing an uncanny resemblance to Rory Mc Ardle was observed executing a flying bicycle kick inside the Spireites area.  Breathless stuff.

Therefore what happened on 25 minutes was a bit of a surprise.

Chesterfield had been very quite up to this point - it had been all Rochdale.  However, a Perkins free kick from just outside the Dale area found the Dale defence far from ready and Breckin lurking at the back post.  His nod down found perennial Rochdale tormentor Jack Lester - and from all of two yards, he wasn't to be denied.  Heaton was rotted to the spot.  Definitely not ready. 1-0 Chesterfield.

Dale had a decent chance to be back on level terms from the restart when Whalley had Lee beaten from long range - but his effort drifted just north of the bar.  Minutes later Dale were in deeper trouble.  Lee's goal kick was flicked on in midfield, Dawson wasn't ready for the extra zip the ball picked up off the wet surface and the extra yard saw Lester bearing down on goal.  Heaton sold himself cheaply.  Lester just doesn't miss a chance like that.  2-0 Chesterfield.

Dale looked on the verge of collapse.  The lack of width Dale's 4-3-3 provided meant that the Spirite's full back's had licence to romp forward at will.  The three man midfield was terrorised by Perkins and Allott.  Chesterfield were shooting at will.  It seemed like it could turn into a rout.

With five minutes to go Stevens made way for Buckley and trusty old 4-4-2 was reinstated.  The ship was steadied and half time duly arrived without further harm being inflicted.

I popped down to visit with my clutch of apprentice Dale fans at half time.  The reactions were mixed.  Croney jnr. and his cousin were somewhat disappointed.  Actually, they said it was 'rubbish'.  Nothing wrong with their eyes then.  On the other hand Ms. Croney had really enjoyed herself.  She was a bit unclear on the score but had learned the names of all the players with good legs.  Football is thankfully a broad church.

The second half put in an appearance.  But not for Gary Jones.  Dale's captain was withdrawn from the action - presumably due to injury - and replaced in central midfield by right full-back Matt Flynn.  The replacement of recognised central midfielder, Dale Steven's, before half time in favour of Buckley looked like a dreadful mistake.

Seven minutes later, the introduction of Buckley looked like pure genius.  Buckley had tested Lee within minutes of the restart and was giving the Spirite's full back, Mark Little, serious problems.  Chesterfield were simply not ready for Buckley's onslaught.  Dale piled on the pressure and got their reward on four minutes when a Buckley secured corner was whipped in by Tom Kennedy and parried into the path of Chris O'Grady.  From just short of 18 yards he produced a swerving shot which Lee was helpless to stop.  2-1!

Three minutes later, more Buckley induced chaos, another corner, another Kennedy delivery but this time the head and possibly one or two other bits of Craig Dawson did the damage.  2-2!

And that - as they say - was your lot from the Will Buckley show.  He carried on gamely trying to harass the Chesterfield back line - but his recent injuries and lack of training caught up with him ten minutes into the half.  He just looked worn out.

As Buckley faded, Chesterfield probed forward again.  A couple of speculative efforts followed and then just after the hour, Lester found himself in an indecent amount of space on the edge of the Dale area.  He slid the ball square to the feet of David Perkins, who side footed an effort towards goal.  The ball's erratic path - via two meaty deflections - left Tom Heaton completely powerless.  3-2 Chesterfield.

Dale applied themselves - Buckley, although exhausted, kept trying to work an opening.  Whaley would have a couple of decent efforts - one blocked away and one saved.  But Chesterfield were well set by now and content to let a jaded Rochdale side blown themselves out.

Speak Your Brains 

Your cast for today: Myself, Mr. Keane, Keane jnr., Mr. Mitchell, Mrs. Eden-Maughan, Ms. Croney, Croney jnr. and Josh.

The curse of 4-3-3 strikes again - Mr. Hill, please stop doing this.  It never works.  Look at the history!

O'Grady's first goal at Spotland - believe it or not - and what a goal!

According to Ms. Croney the heart-throb's of Dale are as follows (in reverse order):

Keith Hill (very nicely dressed)
David Flitcroft (very manly)
Will Buckley (very pretty)

AND THE WINNER IS...

Tom Kennedy - (very pretty and has good legs)

Tom Heaton looked like a bloke who had turned up yesterday and didn't really know anyone.  Pretty much bang on then.  He gets the benefit of the doubt this week.

Dale could have gone top today - as it is they slip to third.

Now to the serious business.  Next week - Dale vs. Daggers, El Classico Del Sur.  The Littleborough Debating and Choral Society will once again venture into the wild and lawless Principality of Essex.  Probably with hilarious consequences. 

Have I met you before?

Chesterfield FC 3 - 0 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

It happens at work. It happens at parties. It happens in shopping centres. In truth, it can happen just about anywhere. That awkward moment where you realise that you should know the person stood right in front of you – but for the life of you, you can’t think where from. You think that you know them – and they certainly seem to know you – but can you remember who they are? Unlikely.

The very last thing you are going to do is ask: ‘Sorry, have I met you before?’. It would be the logical thing to do. Yet no-one does. Instead you just grin inanely hoping that the penny will drop sooner rather than later.

At 17:10 I left Warrington. This part of my journey is usually the most stressful as I typically spend the next 20 minutes locked in a battle of wills with my SatNav, Jane. Will she or won’t she take me to where I want to go? Not a bit of it today. Postcode goes in. Destination calculated. Off we go.

‘Sorry, have I met you before?’

It still looked like Jane, but this isn’t the Jane I know. The old Jane – if she was actually a person as opposed to a piece of moulded plastic– was the kind of girl you would find dancing on the bar, swigging Jack Daniels from the bottle and either questioning the masculinity of rugby players or offering to arm-wrestle them.

New Jane occasionally forgets where she is or where she is going. Other than that, she is harmless. I had the occasional urge to ask her if she was warm enough and perhaps to offer her a small sherry.

Aside of her rather alarming personality transformation her route planning was excellent. Straight through the Peak District National Park. As you may have gathered from earlier instalments, I do like a little bit of countryside. The Peak District is lots of big countryside. Hills, valleys, forests, streams, tiny stone built villages – all viewed from a sinuous ribbon of tarmac where I could once again indulge my Jeremy Clarkson road test fantasies. The best journey of this season by miles. With the bucolic splendour of the Peak District whizzing past my windows I could reflect on the fact that whilst my Wild Child, It Girl SatNav was probably gone forever - slightly dotty, favourite aunt SatNav had done a very good job.

At 18:45 or there abouts I arrived at Saltergate, the home of Chesterfield Town FC.

Weather:

Having put in an appearance for the last week or so, Spring decided to have a little rest today. As I walked towards the ground heavy black clouds fringed the horizon, bathed in the dregs of a lurid purple sunset. Compared to the clear, bright skies on Saturday, this evening’s back drop looked positively ominous. It wasn’t just the sky either. Chesterfield was being lashed by an arctic gale which defied any form of warm clothing. Absolutely freezing.

Food:

I think I may have actually found the best pie in League Two! A nice golden brown, not too hot, not damp and a generous amount of filling. Pricey at £2.60 – but worth every penny. It was like angels were dancing in my mouth.

Ground:

Erm. Well. It has got a lot of history and many original features…

I give up – it is dilapidated and pretty unattractive in most respects. I had a very brief stay in the main stand – where I was shocked to find that most of it is wooden – seating takes the form of school style wooden benches.

My stay was brief because my co-conspirators for the evening – Playboy, Iceman and Amancalledshaun – had decided to ignore my desire to stay in the stand and had gone into the open terraced area behind the goal.

It's like a joke – but much, much smaller.

After some negotiating with stewards I was allowed to join the comic trio and the other 600 or so Rochdale fans who had made the trip.

The change of location did have one fantastic bonus however. I had the chance to level almost unending mirth at Iceman’s stylish, new, all-wool overcoat. A triumph of the tailor’s art – which offered absolutely no protection from the wind whatsoever. Most diverting.

Action:

News. In spite of attempts to hold onto him for another month, Nicky Adams has gone back to Leicester City. His stay at Rochdale was not without success – but I think most people expected a little more from the ex-Bury man. That said, it was great to have him in the side – and very few would turn their noses up if the chance came around again.

Reserve full-back, Raphale Evans, has gone out on loan to Leigh Genesis. Whilst it sounds like the lead singer from a 1970’s prog rock band – it is in point of fact a football team. Taking advantage of the emergency transfer window, Mr. Hill has already brought in centre forward, Gary Madine, from Carlisle. In his second swoop he has brought in Grimsby Town full-back, Tom Newey, until the end of the season.

Only two changes to the starting line-up which faced Wycombe - Adam Rundle slotting into the left wing berth in place of the now departed Nicky Adams and Gary Madine taking Lee Thorpe's spot upfront.

Mr. Singh got things underway and it was rapidly pretty clear that there were problems. After the heddy success at the weekend both I and the assembled Rochdale faithful expected more of the same. Unfortunately, it didn't materialise.

Chesterfield have been on a good run lately and sought to impress themselves upon the game quickly. I am on record as not being a huge fan of Chesterfield. This is borne of watching their over aggressive, over physical, cynical gamesmanship on a few more occasions than I would have chosen to stomach. The thing is - a completely different Chesterfield turned out tonight...

Classy defending, slick passing, pacy wingers and wiley forwards had Dale in difficulties from the off.

'Sorry, have I met you before?'

There is probably some irony in the fact that the Spirite's chose to really turn it on for my first visit to Saltergate. Probably...

Dale defended ever more desperately and sought to escape the ever more determined advances of Chesterfield by getting the ball out of harm's way. By getting the ball up to the strikers.

Here again there was a problem. Madine was expected to play the role Thorpe traditionally plays: win the ball in the air and bring the other striker or midfielders into the game - or - hold the ball and bring the other striker or midfielders into the game. A combination of poor control and expert defensive work meant that he rarely managed either. Every attempt to relieve the pressure simply triggered another Spirite attack.

The only genuine surprise was that Chesterfield took so long to make a breakthrough. It took until the 34 minute mark. The unremitting Spirite pressure finally forced a mistake from Kennedy. His sliced clearance found its way to Jack Lester inside the Rochdale area, who kept his feet while Dale defenders threw themselves in the path of his feinted shot's. Having watched Rochdale's troop of tumblers go about their business, he picked his spot and drove the ball past Fielding. 1-0 Chesterfield.

Half time was a mercy when it came. Dale could and possibly should have been 2 or 3 to the worse.

Half time was not a brilliant experience. Lashed by a swirling gale. Frozen. A goal behind. Playing badly. The raptures of Saturday seemingly a lifetime away.

I couldn't even text Mr. Keane - my phone battery had died just before the first half kicked off. Still, I could amuse myself at the expense of Iceman's coat - so all was not lost. Encouragingly Dale started the second half with a bit more purpose - Rundle in particular provided hope that something could be salvaged and Dagnall produced Rochdale's first serious effort of the game - saved at Dagnall's feet by some time Dale hero, Tommy Lee.

Rochdale were straining every sinew to force a way back into the game. Inevitably this created spaces for the Spirites to exploit. On 61 minutes they exploited. A rapid counter attack found Jack Lester lurking on the edge of the Dale area with his back to goal. Stanton seemed to have him under control - he just had to stop him from turning. He couldn't. 2-0 Chesterfield.

Rochdale made changes - Buckley replaced the injured LeFondre, Toner replaced Keltie and Thorpe replaced Madine. Dale really went for it and a string of half chances followed. But with a two goal cushion the Spirites could afford to defend in depth - a defend they did.

Dale had a decent shout for a penalty as a Dagnall shot cannoned off a Chesterfield hand which Mr. Singh waved away - moments later there was an even stronger shout as a Buckley shot, having evaded Lee, has punched off the Spirite's goal line by a defender. Once again, Mr Singh saw no infringement.

As before, Rochdale's attempts to claw their way back into the tie meant that gaps appeared in their defences. On 86 minutes a cute back heel from that man Lester gave Robertson the chance to romp through the hole where the Rochdale defenders should have been and slotted the ball past an utterly helpless Fielding. 3-0 Chesterfield.

The dying minutes were punctuated by the Chesterfield throng enquiring if they could play us every week.

Do I not like Chesterfield

Summary:

'Sorry, have I met you before?'

Was this the same Rochdale who played Wycombe off the park last Saturday? I recognised the players and I recognised their play - but this wasn't the team I saw at the weekend. They simply didn't get the chance.

Chesterfield played with pace, style and no small amount of skill. Dale were simply swept away in the first half and only some frantic defending saved them from a worse fate. The second half was mostly Dale, but organised Spirite defending meant that clear opportunities were few. Rochdale's increasingly frenzied efforts to get back in the game set them up to be picked off on the counter attack - which Chesterfield did with aplomb. Pleasingly, Dale never gave up - on the night it just wasn't enough.

Having scored in every one of their last 29 games, Dale finally drew a blank. As is the way with these things, the all time record for scoring in consecutive games - 46 in total in the 1930-31 season - was Chesterfield.

Turner Watch:

With the crucial World Cup qualifier against Ukraine approaching, Mr. Turner is waiting by the phone for that all important call from Mr. Capello.

25/03/09

Instant Karma

Rochdale AFC 2 - 1 Chesterfield FC

Journey:

Do you remember Tom andJerry? Course you do.

Do you remember the ones where Jerry befriends the boxing kangaroo? Let me remind you:

Tom chases Jerry - Jerry's cause seems utterly lost - Jerry switches places with the boxing kangaroo (disguised as a mouse by now - just work with me on this - OK!) - the kangaroo beats the living daylights out of Tom. It's an old, old story...

What I want to know is where were Rotherham hiding their kangaroo?

A week later and I still can't explain what happened - 2-0 up - and then disguised kangaroo time! I have another forty games this season - I don't think my nerves can take that again. What I need now is a nice 'gimme' tie to calm me down - thank god we've got Chester today...

Chester - FIELD! Not Chester! CHESTERFIELD! Oh no - not Chesterfield.

Their mascot is Chester the Fieldmouse - it's fate.

When I joined the traffic jam on Roche Valley Way - I could have turned back - I really could. But No! I am on a noble quest to follow Dale the length and breadth of this fair isle.

That - and I've had a load of '101 Project' T-Shirts printed this week - and I haven't paid for them yet.

Weather:

Not a cloud to be seen. I drove up to Spotland with the windows down - I even risked the forearm-out-of-the-window pose - although having Radio 2 blasting out of my stereo probably ruined the effect to some degree.

Blue skies - hot sunshine - male Rochdale fans in shorts. Not all upside then... There is a time and place for shorts on men. The time is rarely - the place is certainly not Rochdale.

Being a total stranger to fashion as I am, Mr. Keane's arrival was both exotic and bewildering. A Fenchurch hooded top; paired with the product of what appeared to have been a succesful raid on Kanye West's sunglasses collection. It used to be about the football Mr. Keane - remember? A little sunshine and he goes all Hollywood on me. Celebs!

Food:

As I arrived Mr. Mitchell was surreptitiously disposing of a Twix.

I was delighted to see that Mrs. Mitchell had joined us once again - it reminded me of something I saw in the week: Holland's are looking for part time pie tasters. What is brilliant about it is that they pay you - get this - in pies!

You are now wondering what has Mrs. Mitchell got to do with pies or pie tasting for that matter...

Because she was there.

She was there the day I ate seven pies during 90 minutes of football. (Thank god we got rid of Paul Simpson - I could have been as big as a house!)

To my knowledge, that record has never been broken.

Today I had one pie and a diet coke. Watching my weight - I'm sure you understand.

Away Support:

300. No. Not like the movie - much less oiled, man thigh.

Action:

Last season I seem to recall that I dismissed Chesterfield as being little better than an ice hockey team. Refreshingly, this season they have produced a niggly, over physical, un-sportsmanlike variation on the theme of football that... Ahhh - now I come to think of it, that is exactly what they did last season.

Two dismissals last week at the Royal Borough of Dagenham, plus Jack Lester's enforced absence meant that Chesterfield's starting line-up was somewhat depleted. Dale's starting line-up remained unchanged from last weeks trip to '80's theme park world. Higginbotham replaced the intemperate Thorpe on the Dale bench.

Lets not dwell too deeply on the first half. The Spirites achieved their goal of ensuring that the absolute minimum of football was played. Dale were willing conspirators. There were chances for both sides - Chesterfield actually looked quite handy when they decided to play and Dale could point to a couple of great opportunities including a point-blank Rhodes effort saved by the Chesterfield keepers face.

So - half time again. Hendrix - 'Cross Town Traffic' blared from the PA as myself and Mr. Keane performed the compulsary 'paper and comb' noises. Sometimes I pity the people who have to stand near us - well - except Staedler and Waldorf; who get right on my nerves.

The real Mr. Golden Gamble was back - and had the unalloyed joy of introducing us to a new half-time game - 'The Crossbar Challenge'. And when I say new, I obviously mean - was good fun on Soccer AM, when my children were small - but has basically been done to death ever since. The whole episode became touched by a whiff of the amateur when no-one from the crowd emerged to take part. In the end Desmond the Dragon was wheeled up to fill the time on the promise of £1000 for a local charity.

You have all seen American sports movies - so you know how this plays out. The first two kicks were woeful - and then, with the music from 'The Natural' booming in my mind the Dragon crashed the ball against the bar from 18 yards. You couldn't write it. Oh. I think I just did.

Dale normally start the second half well - but in fairness to the Derbyshire Anti-Football Collective - they moved into the ascendency creating a selection of decent chances which provoked a string of quality saves from Sam Russell in the Dale goal.

Thankfully Dale weathered the - well lets not say storm, lets say vigorous shower - OK? On 67 the Shaker Maker moved into space on the right and unloaded a cross into the box. Well I am assuming it was a cross - that or the spirit of Marco Van Basten has possessed Will Buckley - and as Marco is still warm and upright I am going to assume cross.

Nonetheless, it evaded Carson in the Spirite's goal and nestled in the top right corner. 1-0 Dale.

After some rather over excited celebrations, the Shaker Maker had to be pulled from the Sandy Lane crowd by his feet - he had just cause to celebrate, he is now Dale's top scorer.

A bit of excitement, a bit of luck, are we done yet... No!

On 85 Gary Jones gave away a freekick thirty yards from the Dale goal. Jamie Ward stepped up and unleashed possibly the most unorthodox free-kick I have ever seen. It squirmed under or through the wall and arrived at Russel on the second or third bounce - Sam had a moment - fumbled - and the ball trickled into the net. 1-1.

I think the kangaroo may be back again.

Or perhaps not. In the closing moments of added time a long clearance from Russel saw Rhodes bearing down on Carson in the Spirite goal. At the moment Rhodes got his rather rushed shot away, Carson bore him to the ground. Due to the hurry, the ball went straight upwards and hung in the air - seemingly forever - before dropping oh so slowly towards the Chesterfield goal - only to bounce harmlesly wide. But as the ball bounced out of play Mr. Haines had already blown for the foul on Rhodes and was indicating a free kick on the edge of the area. Carson went in the book.

So Dale set up for a direct free-kick, in the 94th minute, to seal an unlikely win against a gritty opponent - in my mind the irksome statistic that Dale have never scored directly from a freekick under Mr. Hill's management loomed large. Then something very odd happened...

Jamie Ward - the scorer of Chesterfield's equaliser had trotted from the half way line, just as Mr. Haines had the wall just as he wanted it - and proceeded to dawdle between the wall and the ball as Tom Kennedy shaped to take the kick. Mr Haines had no doubts - a second yellow card equalling a red card and goodbye Mr. Ward.

Kennedy finally stepped up to take the kick on 97 minutes.

Is that the music from 'The Natural' again?

Left foot, top right corner, GOAL! 2-1 Dale.

Summary:

Not really a great game. Chesterfield deployed their typical tactic of stopping the opposition playing at all costs which they did to good effect. With a fit Jack Lester in the side I suspect that the Spirites could have prevailed today.

Dale were not bad but were by no means great, that said they came away with all three points - sometimes that is just how it goes. Gary Jones was inspirational and kept Rochdale going for much of the game - Will Buckley, well what can you say? Tom Kennedy, he was due - thank god it was today.

It seems ages since we won a game - it's nice to be back.

After the game two very unusual things happened:

I got an anonymous tip off that Playboy Dan had been seen hanging from the window of a car at Spotland Bridge singing 'Tom Kennedy - he's not a bucket any more!!!' at innocent passers-by.

I found a group on Facebook - 'Rochdale A.F.C.' - check it out. It was started by two blokes who live in Athens, Greece: Panos & Costas - they are die hard Dale fans. Dale has gone global.

Amazing...

Turner Watch:

Running for U.S. vice-president under an assumed name - and sex.

20/09/08

Stanley Cup

Rochdale AFC 0 - 1 Philadelphia Flyers

Journey:

Today marked the great Rochdale fan drive. £10 in with a voucher. A great offer which I am certain would have upped the attendance - had anyone been able to get near the ground.

Sudden roundabout strikes again!

Once again Sudden's infamous traffic blackspot has taken the weekend off and decided to become a chicane instead. With Roch Valley Way closed the only option was to go via Spotland bridge. I joined the queue at Tweedale Street.

After 20 minutes of patiently crawling towards Rochdale I became aware that a large number of cars were bombing down the outside lane and then bulldozing their way into the left lane to take the left turn. Personally - I am a letter innner - much to the fury of wife and friends. However, after this had happened 2-3 times and only 10 minutes remained to kick-off, my generosity gave out.

I particularly enjoyed the mute fury of the young man who had tried to barge in in front of me to find that I can behave like a miserable, self-interested imbecile as well.

Food:

Diet coke and two pies. I have some asbestos gloves on order and will give the coffee another go once they arrive. Mr. Turner opted for the cheeseburger and a Fanta. Mr. Mitchell was characteristically secretive about his noshings.

You have probably noticed by now that our ever present utility scoffer is absent from the starting line-up. Regrettably, after bidding him a hearty good evening as we departed our gentlemans club on Friday night, m'colleague became involved in an unfortunate disagreement over a taxi. Some unpleasantness followed resulting in an unscheduled trip to the ground for the good Mr. Keane. Fortunately, no serious harm resulted - however, he felt it better to remain on his sofa today.

Weather:

Friday night had been marked by vicious winds in the environs of Rochdale. Saturday morning was characterised by bits of tree, roof and wheelie-bins galore decorating the highways of the borough. Saturday was breezy and chilly. The game would be played out under a grand grey marbled ceiling.

Away Support:

Over 200 - perhaps 300. A good showing considering what they are obliged to watch every week. Largely silent throughout - well - until the 89th minute when they put on a passably good impersonation of Michael Caines legendary foes.

Action:

A win at Spotland has been a rare thing indeed since Christmas. Mr. Hill went on record in the week expressing his frustration after the very disappointing result of the Wycombe game. It was clear at kick-off that Mr. Hill meant business. Gone was the natty man-about-town look seen in recent weeks - back came training ground attire. Although the change did provoke some heated debate - it seemed for all the world that Mr. Hill was wearing tights. Answers on a post card please. I have recently reflected that a strong defence has been the key for teams visiting Spotland. The endlessly classy Peterborough, the clinical Wycombe. The Spirites had clearly seen these performances and taken note.

It is often said that the only way out of the bottom division - is to kick your way out. Chesterfield had absorbed this axiom with relish - adding push, pull, drag and trip to their repertoire for good measure.

Dale started the game in typical style. Pressing forward with pace and an attractive array of passing. Chances came but were extiguished by the Spirites mirthless eleven man defence. For their part Chesterfield did generate a handful of opportunities - but they were mostly satisfied to contain Dale's efforts. The sight of Dale players sprawling in the mud or flying through the air became more and more common. The efforts of the newly streamlined Lee Thorpe and the ever effervescent Rene Howe were largely nullified by the fact that for most of the half they were giving the Chesterfield centre halves piggy-backs.

As half time was indicated by Mr. Oliver of Northumberland - Dale were very much in the ascendency - they just had nothing to show for their endeavour. That is if you exclude a handsome crop of bruises.

In recent reports I have discussed The Golden Gamble (No. 936 this week for any interested parties); oddly inappropriate mascots; the people who stand near me (I am delighted to report that 'Get off my train' was back in pride of place this week). This week - as I watched a group of desultry youths trudged round the pitch holding up the afore mentioned magic number - I wondered what ever happened to the halcyon days of half time games?

Who could fail to thrill at 'kick the ball through a very small hole in a plastic sheet'; 'kick the ball into the net from increasingly improbable distances' (which my associate Mr. Turner once took part in) or my own personal favourite 'kick the ball into a standard RMBC, plastic, household bin'. Come on Rochdale AFC! Lets have some games at half time! Otherwise we will end up talking about shark's sleeping habits again.

The second half began in gathering gloom accompanied by a thin, pitiless drizzle. Unbowed by the agricultural tactics of Chesterfield, Dale came out with the desire to win the game by playing football. The Spirites, delighted by their first half performance stuck with the ice hockey format. The second half was a genuinely dismal affair. Dale had more of the ball and created some very good chances, but the ball seemed to delight in bobbling away from a swinging Dale foot, dropping into no-mans-land or pinging off a Chesterfield shirt. Even the introduction of the mercurial Le Fondre on 58 minutes (replacing Howe - presumably due to back ache) didn't generate a break through.

Chesterfield offered almost nothing for the majority of the half - save for an occaisional long ball pumped up the middle. Belatedly, Mr Oliver took some interest in the Spirites 'tactics' and a few yellow cards were presented. Too little, too late.

With five minutes remaining it seemed that a draw was the most likely outcome. Dale made a couple of token substitutions and we all waited for the clock to run down. Then, as if by magic Chesterfield woke up and started to play. Oh dear.

An ill judged tackle from Stanton earned the Spirites a free kick on the edge of the Dale area - the resulting melee delivered another free kick for Chesterfield in almost the same spot. Up stepped Leven and either under or through the wall, the ball was in the back of the net. 1-0 Chesterfield. I felt sick.

Summary:

Chesterfield's tactics were in truth disgusting. I haven't seen a display of cynical football like this in years. The referee simply failed to control things - yes, he handed out a few cards - but only when things had gone far too far. Chesterfield were appauling, they weren't interested in playing football and had plainly come with the intention of throttling the game into a turgid draw. But...

In the face of this - Dale simply didn't do enough to win the game. They had lots of possession and created a string of good chances. Few of them however, were clear cut - fewer seriously troubled the Chesterfield keeper. There is an old football cliche about 'cutting edge' or if you like 'killer instinct' - Dale didn't have it today and suffered badly for its loss.

Turner Watch:

Mr Turner spent todays game dressed in a charming blue gingham frock.

This installment of Turner Watch was sponsored by Mr. McCabe. If you would like to sponsor a future episode of Turner Watch please send money - ideally lots.

1/03/08