This is how it feels

Rola Cola Sponsored English League Two
Cheltenham Town FC 1 - 4 Rochdale AFC

Journey

I have done some marginal things in my life.  I'm not going to go into them now - there really isn't time.  Suffice is to say that if you can think of a daft, ill-considered thing to do - I have probably done it.  So, with a track record like that, agreeing to take three complete strangers to Cheltenham on the basis of a handful of Facebook messages seems risky - even by my standards.  But that is exactly what I had agreed to do.  What could possibly go wrong?

As some of you will recall, last season I was accompanied on my travels by Jane, my SatNav.  I say accompanied - dogged would probably be a better description.  She took me the wrong way and on many occasions simply refused to work at all ...then without warning she died.  Today I finally emerged from mourning and took the plunge - I bought a new SatNav.  She is called Emily.  She was pretty cheap.  She does SatNavy things - quite well actually.  She sounds like a Cylon.  Can't have everything I guess...

As the big hand touched 11 I rolled up at Spotland.  Messers Booth, Walsh and Murray were waiting as we had agreed.  After some brisk greetings my passengers boarded and with Emily whittering on in her strange Cylon-like dialect - I'm pretty sure she said 'by your command' when I put the post code in - we headed south.

According to my wife I am obsessed with Rochdale AFC.  She has never met Messers Booth, Walsh and Murray.  As we hit the motorway, my passengers broke into a fevered conversation about Dale.  The depth of their knowledge was staggering - I reckon I know a thing or two, but I was struggling to keep up.  Each of them displayed an enyclopedic knowledge of every facet of this season and delivered each nugget of information with an intense passion that left me feeling like a part-timer.  Mr. Booth confessed that he will not be cutting his hair until the end of the season - as a sign of his commitment to the cause.

For a change of pace, it also became clear that their knowledge extends beyond all things Dale.  Aside of seeming to know the name of every player (including their position) and manager in every team, in every league, in Britain - they also have a couple of speciality topics: Truro City FC - currently mid table in the Zamaretto League.  According to Mr. Booth, Truro will be playing league football sooner rather than later.  He is really looking forward to the away trip.  Mr. Murray on the other hand, is a devotee of Shelf United FC.  They play in the Halifax Ziggy's Spice House League.  He has fond memories of chanting 'You're just a small town in Shelf!' when Rochdale last played Bradford City.

In spite of the whole of the M6 being reduced to 50MPH - apparrently for roadworks (needless to say, there wasn't any actual work going on) - and after witnessing Messers Booth, Walsh and Murray perform the ritual of 'chumping' Walsall FC's Bescott Stadium (it's like a salute... sort of) - we arrived at Whaddon Road just before 2pm.

Weather

After weeks of shin deep snow and ice it is a pleasure to say that it was just a bit grey and chilly.

Food

I heard on the news the other day that sales of pies in Britain have gone up a staggering 36% in the last twelve months.  Naturally I take full credit for this - well, who else has done so much to promote the joy of pie?  I shall be writing to Holland's and their ilk demanding my share of the profits directly.

Ground

Tidy.  Four all seater stands.  All quite new.  Well kept pitch.  Friendly stewards.  The longest pie queues I have ever seen - literally miles long.  No wonder the folk of Cheltenham all have a lean hungry look about them.

Tucked away in a corner were 573 Dale fans.  Yeah, 573!  An amazing attendance considering the distance.  They believe - now hows about the rest of you?

News

Considering the weather induced break - loads.  Buckle up...

Heaton extends his loan until the end of January, blizzard, Rotherham off, Scunthorpe bid £250k for Dawson - how I laughed, Hill wins manager of the month for December, Dawson wins player of the month, More snow, Aldershot off, Taylor's loan extended to the end of the season, O'Grady's loan from Oldham made permanent for £90k ish - Oh happy day!, Jon Shaw released - Jon who?, rumours, rumours, rumours, torrential rain, Port Vale off, Atkinson goes back to Hull, Dale draw with Aldershot 1-1,Haworth comes in from Blackburn on loan until the end of the season.

...and breath.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Wiseman, Stanton, Dawson, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Thompson, Taylor, Kennedy(J), Buckley

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Arthur, McArdle, Flynn, Jones, Rundle, Higginbotham

It is the better part of a month since I saw Dale rout Morecambe off the field at Spotland - so I was really looking forward to today.  I was also a bit nervous.  Dale had outplayed Aldershot for much of the game on Tuesday - but had only come away with a point - and nagging at the back of my mind was the nasty little surprise Cheltenham had served up earlier in the season.  The Robins had been outplayed for much of the game by a slightly wasteful Dale back in August - and then conjoured up a last minute winner courtesy of the well upholstered form of Julian Alsop.  You would think being six points clear at the top of the table would make you worry less.  I assure you, it doesn't.

Things didn't start brilliantly.  Mr. Culshaw was doing guest commentary on Dale Player, so I would be let loose on Roch Valley Radio's listeners on my own.  I apologise to all of them unreservedly.  As the game was about to kick of the news filtered through that Will Buckley had pranged himself again and would take no further part - young Andy Haworth would take his place.  Things got a little worse when Mr. Horwood indicated the start of play.  The Robins had clearly done their homework.  Cheltenham closed Dale down well and in Josh Low and Matt Thornhill the home team had a genuine outlet down either wing.  Tom Heaton was in almost constant action as crosses and high balls bombarded his area.  It was clear that Cheltenham under their new manager Mark Yates felt that Rochdale could be got at.

Dale looked a little rocked by the onslaught - so much so that they didn't produce a shot until the 11 minute mark when Dagnall smashed the ball north of the bar.  Five minutes later we got our first chance to look at Andy Haworth - it was immediately clear that this lad has some talent.  He picked up the ball on the Dale left powered forward, skipped past a couple of challenges and unleashed a curling shot which had Scott Brown in the Robins goal beaten - only the inside of the post spared him.

A minute later, Dale were in the lead.  Dagnall collected the ball on the left, drove to the byline, checked and threaded a pass into the Cheltenham box where O'Grady was prowling.  He took a touch and smashed it into the bottom corner.  Brown saw it coming - but could do nothing about it.  1-0 Dale!

The balance of the half was far from comfortable for Dale.  Efforts from Hutton, Richards and Thornhill all had the travelling fans chewing their nails.  However, chances for O'Grady, Dagnall and Haworth promised that Dale had more to come.  As half time descended - Dale had taken the half on points, just.

I did venture forth for a pie at half time - sadly the queue stretched most of the way back to Birmingham.  I do like a pie - but I didn't have an hour to wait.  Instead I relied on young Mr. Jones from the Dale Player commentary team to provide.  All I can say is that the BBC Gloucestershire commentary team's selection of biscuits was a bit lighter by the time Mr. Jones had practised his ninja-like skills.

The Robins started the second period as they had begun the first - but this time Dale had little interest in being put under pressure.  Just three minutes into the half Rochdale scored again.  A determined charge down the left by Haworth produced a teasing cross.  Brown seemed to have it covered and them inexplicably - didn't.  What had looked like a comfortable catch became an improvised parry.  O'Grady pounced on the loose ball and rifled it passed an indignant Brown.  2-0 Dale!

Seven minutes later Dale struck again.  A Tom Kennedy freekick from wide on the Dale right evaded every man in the Cheltenham box - except one.  Loitering at the back post was the League Two player of the month for December.  His first attempt was parried by Brown but Dawson wasn't to be denied and roughly bundled the rebound over the line - making his tally ten goals for the season.  3-0 Dale!

Cheltenham introduced Hammond and Bird for Hutton and Alsop but the die was now cast.  Dale were rampant.  Chance followed chance.  Dawson had the pick of the efforts with a brace of close range headers - both requiring quality saves from Brown.  However as dusk settled over Gloucestershire it seemed that in spite of a flurry of efforts from Elvis Hammond and late arrival Barry Hayles that Cheltenham's race was run.  Not so...

On 90 minutes Josh Low unleashed a thumping drive into the Dale area - chaos ensued as the ball pinged around, Cheltenham captain Michael Townsend was the most alert and poked the ball past Heaton's despairing dive.  3-1.

Sensing that just perhaps they could get something from the game the Robins poured forward.  However, their frantic efforts left gaping holes at the back.  O'Grady seemed to have rounded of a fine hat-trick minutes into added time - but the linesman's waving stick denied him.  Undaunted, a minute later O'Grady waltzed through a tired, threadbare Robins rearguard and hammered the ball past Brown.  No flag this time.  O'Grady's first Dale hat-trick. 4-1 Dale!

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Messers Booth, Walsh, Murray and Dave and Eddie who I met on the carpark at Whaddon Road.  Oh - and me.

• Bournemouth lost - Dale are now nine points clear at the top of League Two. 
• Imagine Ronaldo.  Get rid of the hair gel and the strange fascination with the ground and you have Andy Haworth.  This lad is class.  Gone are the days when Dale loan signing's were there because no-one else wanted them.
• Dale have a history of signing players who performed well as loanee's only to find that once they are on a permanent contract they become lazy and disinterested.  Enter Mr. Christopher O'Grady.  He looks to be having the time of his life.
• Watching Dawson today - in defence and attack - you would appreciate why Scunthorpe's £250K was dismissed so quickly.  Nice try Scunny.
• Cheltenham were much better today than they were in August.  Elvis Hammond was a real nuisance and should feel unfortunate not to have made the score sheet.  Under Mark Yates I am confident they will turn things around.
• The final word goes to Mr. Booth.  As we headed north the luxurious keyboard work of Clint Boon floated out of my stereo, it was the Inspiral Carpets classic 'This is how it feels'.  When the chorus rolled round Mr. Booth treated as to an alternate set of lyrics:  'This is how it feels to be Rochdale, this is how it feels to be small, this is how it feels when your team wins nothing at all'.  Under my breath I added the word 'yet'.