Dreaming spires

Rola-Cola Sponsored English League Two
Rochdale AFC 1 - 1 Lincoln City FC

Journey

Although I am a foreigner, I am intensely proud of this town, woe betide anyone who pokes fun at Rochdale while I am around.  But I am not so patriotic that I am blind to the plight of the place.  Two World Wars, a depression, numerous recessions and a heapin helpin of Mrs. Thatcher's economic theories have kicked the stuffing out of the place.

Amidst the signs of decline there is one place that reminds you of what the town once was.  The Town Hall.  It comes from a very different time.  A time when Rochdale was a white hot bed of industry.  A place where the very latest technology was developed, used and exported around the world.  In it's day it was like Sillicon Valley.  People made money here - big money.  Granted, the workers were paid in buttons, children knew the value of keeping their head's down and making it to 40 years old was rare - but this was a go ahead place on the cutting ege of technology - and to express this spirit, the town fathers splurged big time on the Town Hall.  It is a statement of what those bearded old duffers believed about Rochdale, set into stone:  We are going places!

Now, it looks a bit, well, out of place against a backdrop of neglect and horrible town planning decisions.  It's so big, so ornate, so... well just - so.  A friend of mine was visiting from the colonies a few months ago - I showed him the Town Hall - the best he could manage was 'WOW'.  

As the mills and engineeing works were flattened and tarmac'd over, claiming benefits became a rare growth area, the best and brightest moved and the go ahead spirit ebbed away - the Town Hall stood as a silent reminder of what this place was about, once upon a time.  Down the years, under the massive stone spire of the Town Hall clock the people of Rochdale may have occasionally daydreamed that the boom times would return .  Sadly, the Town Hall couldn't help.

As I drove up Sandy Lane today, four spires reared up above the trees.  Not stone, but steel - topped with halogen lights.  Under them just over 3000 of the towns folk of Rochdale have stopped their daydreaming.  The dream is becoming real.  That message, set into the stones of the Town Hall by those bearded old fella's is on the loose again: We are going places!

Weather

Cold and grey.  Rochdale weather.

Food   

On the minutes today so I didn't even manage a coffee.  In any case, I am on a diet.  The wife has been very clear on this point.

Away Support

Maybe 100, probably less.  As the Imp's are lurking just above the drop zone, the incentive to make the long trip north was probaly not too strong.  Those who did cheered like mad un's.

News

Dawson/off.  Our Craig's new contract has brought a flurry of new interest.  Swansea made a final bid of £750k in mid week, only to see it turned down.  But interest has only intensified, there were so many scouts at Spotland today I thought I was at a jamboree.

Ticket shmicket.  Accrington away.  All Ticket.  Crazy.

About Keith.  I didn't hear about it until Wednesday lunchtime - but as you will now know, Macc's manager Keith Alexander died suddenly on Tuesday night.  He was a passionate football man who lived and breathed every second of every game - and returned the opposing fans banter with interest - and a smile.  He will be sorely missed.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Fielding

Def: McArdle, Dawson, Stanton, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Jones, Kenndy(J), Toner
For: Atkinson, Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Arthur, Wiseman, Flynn, Thompson, Taylor, Obadeyi, Higginbotham

After a succesful experiment with 4-3-3 at Macclesfield (albeit a bit fortunately) Dale continued with the succesful formula today.  An injury to Scott Wiseman would give Rory McArdle a rare opportunity in the somewhat unfamilliar right full-back berth.  Popular loan signing Will Atkinson would be making his swan song in black and blue this afternoon before his return to Hull.
  

Dale started brightly.  Atkinson created a predictable amount of trouble for the visitors defences, Dagnall and O'Grady combined well to create the first serious effort of the half requiring a smart intervention from Pearce to avert early disaster for the Imps.

At the other end, perennial League Two journeyman, Drew Broughton, went about his grim business.  His physical presence caused real problems for the Dale defence and earned Broughton his first 'that's your last chance' chat with Mr. Foster.  He would go on to have half dozen similar chats - but no matter.

Lincoln sought to contain, stifle and close down - they did a very effective job, Rochdale struggled to wriggle out of the men of Lincolnshire's straight-jacket.  On 27 minutes the strategy paid a huge, unexpected divided.  The Imps pressed to the edge of the Dale area, crisp passing had the Dale defence baffled and sprang Chris Herd free.  He had opened the scoring at Sincil Bank - a tidy, placed finish today saw the on loan Aston Villa man repeat the trick .  1-0 Lincoln.

Dale responded.  Dagnall, O'Grady and Dawson all had good chances to peg the visitors back, but sharp work from Rob Burch in the Imp's goal meant that Dale would go into half time in the unusual position of being behind.

In a half of few incidents, punctuated by a lengthy study by Lincoln into just how long a freekick or throw in could be dragged out, there was one moment of drama.  Dawson challengend for the ball in the Lincoln area and landed awkwardly with an Imps defender on top of him.  He stayed down.  The Spotland faithful held their breath.  A flotilla of scouts turned ashen and lunged for their mobile's.  Eventually Dawson got up.  A little groggy, but ready to carry on.  You cannot harm him with conventional weapons.  He is Awesome afterall.

Mr. Hill's half time pep talk was clearly pretty much to the point.  Mr. Foster got things going again and Dale roared forward.  Within seconds Dale had won a corner, seconds later players and fans alike howled as Mr. Foster declined a cut and dried penalty claim for blantant hand ball.  

Lincoln reeled as Rochdale powered forward.  Toner almost pounced, but once again Burch intervened.  Atkinson had a free header, Burch to the rescue again.  O'Grady and the Kennedy brothers also weighed in with efforts on goal - but poor direction failed to trouble the mercurial Burch.  Lincoln held firm and Mr. Foster was lenient beyond reason as the Imp's attempted to run the clock down at every opportunity.

Higginbotham joined the assault on the Lincoln goal on 64 and perhaps it was that extra injection of pace and trickery that finally undid the Imps.  On 70 minutes Dale equalized.  

A clever flick on from O'Grady found Dagnall in the box, back to goal and hemmed in on all sides by Lincoln defenders.  From what seemed a hopeless position, somehow he turned and unleashed a shot.  Lincoln's Joe Anderson may not remember, or may prefer to forget what happened next.  Whatever the case, with the aid of a meaty deflection off the Lincoln man the ball was in the net.  1-1!

Dale pushed for a winner.  Higginbotham and Dagnall having the best efforts although neither troubled Burch.  A mixture a full blooded defending and judicious dawdling saw Lincoln to full time with the scores tied.

As the clock wound down, Drew Broughton had the last of his 'last chances' and Mr. Foster finally got his yellow card out.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Mr. Keane, Keane jnr, Me and a father and son who we shared a table with in the Dale Bar.

• 
  
  Bournemouth won today - Dale stay six points clear with a game in hand over the men of Dorset.
• 
  
  Credit to Lincoln - time wasting aside - a resolute performance and a point well earned.
• 
  
  Craig Dawson picked up a yellow card today - nothing odd about that you might say?  It was the first one of his professional career.
• 
  
  Mr. Foster was genuinely poor.  Failed to control the game in any measure.  His handling of Broughton's antics was hysterical - when the card was finally produced, ironic applause rang out around Spotland.
• 
  
  We played an informal game of 'Dale One Downmanship' with our table mates.  At Owd Trafford, fans 'One Up' each other: I saw Best and Law play, I was at the Champions League final(s) etc.  At Spotland - it seems to work the other way round:  I was there when we lost 7-1, I remember watering cans on the shirts  etc, etc, etc.  The more tragic and humiliating the tale - the better.  Dad won.  He missed one of the wins in 73-74 due to work.  There were only two that season. 
• 
  
  In spite of being held to a draw at home, the atmosphere in the Dale Bar felt like Rochdale had just won.  No doom, no agonising, no recriminations.  The result of a specific game doesn't seem to matter anymore.  The end result is what counts now.  According to Mr. Keane's calculations - 11 points from 12 games will do the trick.  Under the dreaming spires of Spotland - we are going places.

Bye, bye monkey

Rola-Cola Sposored English League Two

Lincoln City FC 1 - 3 Rochdale AFC

Journey

I have a serious problem.  I have a monkey on my back.  It has been there for over ten years.  It is called Lincoln.

Through bad luck, work and an ill-starred flirtation with golf I have never seen Rochdale win against Lincoln.  Never.  I have seen lots of draws and a number of narrow defeats -  I was lucky enough to miss the 7-1 demolition of Dale at Sincil Bank in 2006.  Lincoln City Football Club are the monkey on my back... and I am not alone.  Mr. Keane has exactly the same problem - although he had the good sense not to bother with golf.  In fairness, he did try to warn me.

I hadn't planned to go to Lincoln - based on the history, what was the point? - in any case, I went last year (another draw).  But then Bradford happened - and then Macclesfield - and after a quick glance down the league table I made my mind up.  I was going.  I suspect Mr. Keane was thinking along similar lines - after a phone call on Thursday - he was in as well.

...and so it was the Mr. Keane, Keane Jnr (six weeks without a game for the Littleborough Yellow's due to sodden pitches) and myself set forth for Lincolnshire at 11.30.

With Mr. Keane's Sat Nav, Mary, leading the way and Mr. Keane conducting a scientific study into the performance and handling characteristics of a hire car (the HMS Zafira had been subject to an unfortunate collision) - coversation turned to the other monkey on our back's.  January.

Allow me to un-roll for you a selection of fibs, outright lies, speculations and newspaper gabble - with commentary:

Oldham will not extend O'Grady's loan.  Having realised that COG is not the beast of burden they had widely quoted him as - Latics ask Rochdale to reach for your cheque book!

Tom Kennedy unhappy at Dale - wants to move.  Bury fan's still smarting over 'that' goal celebration.

Dagnall to Norwich - Whaley plus cash in return.  Whilst out with Keith Hill and Dave Flitcroft last week - Simon said 'no comment' to our roving reporter.

Buckley to Hull - Atkinson plus cash in return.  I can't spot the difference - and big dobs of Premiership cash as well - super!

Dawson to Tottenham. Not if his mum has anything to do with it - it's full of 'funny' folk that London is.

Buckley to Coventry - A Specials gig at Spotland and cash in return.  Where do we sign!?!

In short - nonsense.  Something will happen - goodness knows what.  This monkey will cling on for a while.

We arrived in Lincoln, Mary went mad, we drove round in circles for a bit, parked up, walked round in circles for a bit and then found Sincil Bank - hiding behind some houses.

Weather

Clear skies and arctic temperatures.

Food

Having massively 'over-pied' last week - nothing.  Free coffee at half time for the press though - Spotland take note.

Ground

Tidy.  The Lincoln Echo stand is a bit of a funny one though - straddling the halfway line, it is only half the length of that side - so there are two much smaller stands snuggled up next to it.  Considering the biting cold - probably not a bad idea.

What was warming however, was the sight of 500 Dale fans - including a platoon of festive Santa's.

Actually getting to the commentary positions was a bit of a trial - I had to collect my ticket from one end of the ground - and then walk to the other end to get in.  All a bit odd.  I finally caught up with Mr. Culshaw and was ushered to my thoughtfully prepared seat.  After Bradford where I was used as a storm barrier - today I would be acting as a sun visor for my illustrious colleague

News

Black and white and red all over.  Notts County have been sold - again.  You coldn't make it up.

Beat the bullet.  Keith Hill avoided the acursed manager of the month award.  Ronnie Moore at Rotherfield swept up the silvery cola bottle.  Best of luck with that Ronnie.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Kennedy(T), Stanton, Dawson, Wiseman

Mid: Atkinson, Taylor, Kennedy(J), Thompson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Taberner, McArdle, Flynn, Toner, Jones, Glover, Higginbotham

Just one change, Thompson in for Higginbotham.  With a settled Dale side rolling into the game on the back of four straight wins, the chilling sound of an air-raid siren thundering around Sincil Bank and the mercury plummeting in the thermometer - was today finally going to be the day?  Would Mr. Keane and I finally shed the monkey?

It didn't look good to start with.  Lincoln had clearly paid heed to Burton and Accrington's performances against Dale - and sought to crowd and stifle Rochdale at every turn.  Dale had more of the ball - but against a resolute Imp's line-up - few real opportunities presented themselves.

On 23 minutes, it looked a lot worse.  A Rochdale corner came to nothing and Lichaj picked up the clearance.  With the Dale defence scattered and disorganised the young American carved his way upfield - running almost box to box.  With Rochdale's defenders drawn to the Aston Villa loanee he realeased a millimeter perfect pass into the path of fellow Villa loanee Chris Herd.  With the defence wrong footed Herd only had Heaton to deal with - a clinical strike left the Dale keeper with no chance.  1-0 Lincoln.

Thirteen minutes later Dale were level.  Tenacious work from Atkinson released Wiseman who bucaneered forward before swinging a pacy cross into the box where O'Grady lept on the gift and smashed the ball past Rob Burch from the edge of the six yard box.  1-1!

As halftime drew close it seemed that Thompson's cute looping header from just inside the area had caught Burch off his line and pushed Dale into the lead - but frantic back pedalling by the Lincoln keeper allowed him to tip the ball over.  But it was a corner for Dale.  Tom Kennedy floated the ball in - Dawson romped into the area - his bullet header left Burch powerless to intervene.  2-1 Dale!

Halftime put in it's customary appearance and as the assembled press attempted to keep warm the talk was about events elsewhere.  Everton were putting up a spirited fight against Chelsea,  Bolton were giving City a run for their (not inconsiderable) money and Bradford were making Rotherfield's afternoon less than comfortable - but the big news was second place Bournemouth.  At halftime thery were already 3-0 down at Morecambe.  At this rate - Dale could be four points clear at the end of today.

On the subject of monkeys - you may recall at Bradford we voted Michael Simpkins as Dale's worst ever player.  Truly a monkey on Dale's back if ever there was one.  We also revealed that he is still playing - for Retford United.  Retford is just down the road from Lincoln - we passed it today.  But the coincidences didn't end there - in the last couple of weeks Roch Valley Radio have added a correspondant at FC United games to the coverage of Rochdale and Bury matches - today FC United's opponents were Retford United - and yes - Simpkins was playing.  Apparently he was quite good.  Retford were leading by halftime.

The second half began under a blood red sunset - but despite the dramatic backdrop the second period was something of a non-event.  Dale kept the ball quite nicely, Lincoln harried - but with less conviction than at the start of the first half and then, just on the hour Dale got a third.

A nicely choreographed free kick saw Tom Kennedy slide the ball wide to Dagnall.  As the wall tried to work out what was happening, Dagnall crossed to the back post where Thompson had the simple task of tapping the ball over the line.  3-1!

For the remaining half hour Dale made pretty triangle's around the slightly disinterested Imp's.  Lincoln threatened little and rarely.  As the clock ran down and the mercury sank even lower Chris O'Grady teed up an effort from twenty yards which looked to have Burch beaten - but it hammered off the bar and bounced away to safety.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Mr. Keane, Keane Jnr and myself

In the end Bournemouth were on the wrong end of a 5-0 rout.  Dale are four points clear at the top of League Two.

Retford United beat FC United 4-2.  Michael Simpkins had a good game.

Today marks a club record five consecutive away wins for Dale.

At the end of some exhaustive testing by Mr. Keane - I can confirm that a hire car is the fastest best handling car in the world.  Fact.

During the somewhat event free second half, Mr. Culshaw made a heart stoppingly exciting point:  Whatever happens next Saturday - Dale will be top of League Two on Christmas day.  I don't think this has ever happened before.

Mr. Keane and I saw Rochdale beat Lincoln.  Bye, bye monkey.

Never Ever

Rochdale AFC 2 - 2 Lincoln City FC

Journey:

Well Jack Frost did his worst last week and my trip to Derbyshire was postponed. This was a mixed blessing. As some of you are aware, I have an irrational dislike of Chesterfield FC, so not having to go there was not unwelcome. That said, I now have to go there on a Tuesday evening in March which adds an extra level of risk to my plan to get to every league game this season. If anything were to derail me, it would be ironic if it was Chesterfield. Do I not like Chesterfield...

All in all it has been a busy fortnight. The eagle eyed amongst you will have seen Mr. Keane and I in the back pages of the Observer - wincing as Accrington equalised. Dale's ground sharing partners Rochdale Hornets RLFC have gone bump. Rochdale almost signed a midfielder, Jason Taylor, but at the 11th hour he decided that his interests would be better served in Rotherham - go figure. Dale have signed the highly rated young 'keeper, Frank Fielding from Blackburn on loan. Holness has gone on loan to Barrow and after my Christmas ruminations on the fate of John Shaw, it appears that Mr. Hill agrees that he needs more time - just not here. Mr. Shaw will be seeing the season out with Crawley.

...and on the subject of Mr. Hill.

I will confess to something approaching cardiac arrest as I read the news on Sky Sports that he was heading off to Walsall. Mind you, he does like the ge-ge's - so a move to the Saddlers might be appropriate. Anyway, following a statement where Mr. Hill professed his undying devotion to the Club, players, directors, fans, cleaners, stewards, clerical staff, groundsmen and catering staff - it seems he is staying. So thats that sorted then...

A combination of poor planning on my part and the lengthy queue on Roch Valley Way would mean that for the first time this season - I would miss the kick-off.

Weather:

It had rained heavily overnight meaning conditions underfoot at Spotland would be good to soft - however, the rain had cleared away today to be replaced by an impenetrable overcast. Chilly and breezy.

Food:

The world economy may be collapsing round our ears - but more worryingly my pie was cold. This really could be the end of western civilisation.

Away Support:

3 perhaps 400. Not much singing, but they compensated by greeting every refereeing decision which went against Lincoln by rending their clothing and howling their disapproval. All a bit melodramtic for my taste.

Action:

Lincoln City. The ultimate bogey team. Since my Rochdale watching debut in 1999, Dale have managed to beat the Imps just three times. Granted that no fewer than ten of the encounters in that period have ended in draws - a personal favourite of mine was the November 2001 visit of Lincoln to Spotland where Rochdale were cruising to to a comfortable 2-0 victory - only for Lincoln to score twice in injury time. In that period the Imps have racked up seven wins - including a 7-1 demolition of Rochdale one Saturday afternoon in October 2006 at Sincil Bank. I have never, ever actually seen Rochdale beat Lincoln.

The team news today for Rochdale was very encouraging though - Gary Jones was back! After almost a two month lay-off following an injury against Luton, the gaffer is back! I almost had a teary. Young Frank Fielding would take station between the sticks and the Shaker Maker - who according to those lovely folks from the London Times is one of the 50 hottest prospects in world football - would start up front partnering St. Adam. Mr. Keane has been banging on for months that Will Buckley should play as an out and out striker - Mystic Keane strikes again.

Rochdale have been very inconsistent in recent weeks. Unpredictable, fallable and at times utterly infuriating. But not today it seemed. Dale looked organised, confident and incisive. Lincoln are a good side - any side which boasts Geoff Horsefield and Anthony Elding upfront should be taken very seriously indeed - but Rochdale had the measure of them. Rundle in particular was like a fox in a chicken coop - making life for Lincoln's right-back, Frank Sinclair, a waking nightmare.

It would be Rundle around the twenty minute mark that would finally unpick the Imps well prpared defences. Having mesmerised the hapless Sinclair to the point where he was left with the nagging feeling that he could see the back of his own head, Rundle surged past him into the box where he unleashed a rasping drive. Burch in the Lincoln goal did well to parry Rundle's effort - but only as far as St. Adam. From that range there was little chance of error. 1-0 Dale!

It all looked so very assured and comfortable. Lincoln pressed, but struggled to bring Horsefield and Elding into the game. The only serious threat of the remainder of the half was dealt with by Fielding who had decided that a spell in midfield might be the ticket. Charging out of his area he cooly dispossed the Lincoln player and in combination with Ramsden the danger was cleared.

We coasted into half-time 1-0 to the good and quietly confident that this could be my day. It really could.

Golden Gamble and then onwards to the main event - the Crossbar Challenge. This really hasn't been a great success as a half time frolic. The patrons of Spotland just don't seem inclined to take part - perhaps they had watched the finally recovered video of Rochdale's Crossbar Challenge performance on Soccer AM - 1 from 6 - not too inspiring. Today Dale's Business Development Manager, Mr. Johnstone, was press ganged into taking part. Close with the first - on the button with the second. Pretty impressive for a chap in a suit. Still not as good as Kick-It-In-Bin though - can you top members of the general public trying to chip a football into a council issue black bin from five yards? I doubt it.

On the subject of games. Would you like to play 'N'Guessan Who?'.

Who wandered through the first 45 minutes on the right wing without saying boo to a goose? Who switched to the Lincoln left wing after the break? Who would single handedly tear Dale apart for the first twenty minutes of the second half?

Danny N'Guessan. That's who.

Two minutes into the second half N'Guessan unleashed a teasing ball into the area which Kennedy was compelled to clear. Unfortunately the attempted clearance sliced off his boot, past Fielding and nestled in the back of the net. 1-1.

The composed and organised Rochdale of the first 45 minutes disolved as N'Guessan ran riot. Ten minutes later he hammered a shot just wide of the post. Having got his range he repeated the trick a couple of minutes later. This time he didn't miss. 2-1 Lincoln.

I barely had time to sigh when he was afforded the time and space to have another go. The resulting effort almost shattered the upright and went out for a Rochdale throw - on the full.

Well I did say never ever. It is Lincoln afterall. But... Perhaps I should have said never, ever give in. During the Danny N'Guessan show, McEvilly and Dagnall had taken the field for Thompson and LeFondre. From this point the fight back began. Rochdale poured forward.

A towering header from McArdle, a close range effort from Dagnall, a thumping drive from McEvilly. Chance after chance came and went - and then with just minutes of regular time remaining Dagnall burst into the area, slashed the ball across the face of the goal where it was met by McEvilly. Shaking off his marker was the work of a moment, delivering the finish not much longer. 2-2!

As we entered stoppage time Dale continued to hammer at the Lincoln defences. The pick of the chances fell to Buckley, who after weaving his spell on one Lincoln defender, and then another, and another - could only smash the ball into the side netting.

2-2 it ended. Like I said - never ever...

Summary:

Two good sides. Two a piece.

Rochdale could have and probably should have lost today. The advantage which was so hard won in the first half was blown away in a one man blitz by N'Guessan in the second. However, what followed was quite remarkable. Stung into action, Dale produced one of the best periods of play I have seen this season. It was truly a joy to watch.

I'm sure people will speculate whether today represented a point won or two points lost. Considering it was Lincoln. I think it was a point won.

Turner Watch:

In my capacity as Mr. Turner's commercial manager I can exclusively confirm that he will not be joining Manchester City, whatever they offer.

17/1/09

Spin the wheel

Lincoln City FC 1 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

By special agreement with my boss I finished at 3:30 today.

I had to explain to him that this was the year that I would be going to every game home and away - and tonight would mean a trip to Lincoln. He paused for a moment, looked over the top of his spectacles and said: 'its football - football is more important.'

Yes - this really did happen. I wasn't having another one of my now infamous 'Scrubs' style, slightly random fantasy interludes.

A frantic drive from Wigan to Rochdale and a rapid change of clothes later I was loitering somewhat suspiciously outside MacDonalds on Sandbrook Park. Why you ask? (after recovering from the fact I remained outside a MacDonalds)

Enter Mr. Turner.

After a season of patchy attendances - the force of nature that is Mr. Turner would be taking the shotgun duties for my trip to the surprisingly hill free county of Lincolnshire.

At around this point I usually have a stab at explaining the route I took. To be honest I haven't got a clue. I have now officially joined the mind-absent millions who schlep around the highway's and byway's of this fair isle glued to the little screen stuck to their windscreen. I have become a SatNav zombie. Rochdale to Lincoln with brain in neutral - scary isn't it?

I did briefly rejoin the land of the living as we drove through the charming village of Spital-in-the-Street. Both Mr. Turner and I scanned the tarmac quite closely. This may be the most bizarre and also slightly repugnant case of misrepresentation I have ever come accross.

In the gathering darkness we arrived at Sincil Bank. Special thanks to the steward who told me that we really shouldn't (wink) use the carpark (wink, wink) next to the ground - because it belongs to Playzone (wink, wink, wink) and is nothing to do with the club (wink, wink, wink, wink, wink) . Top tip Mr. Steward!

Weather:

It had been another unseasonably warm day in Gods Country and the clear skies persisted as we pressed eastwards - culminating in a slightly extravagant sunset as we homed in on Lincoln. By the time we entered Lincoln an inky night had descended. Chilly, but not disagreeable.

Food:

Cheese burger and coke £4.60. Not quite in the Accrington league - but still a bit steep - I took extra ketchup and mustard in protest. Inevitably this backfired on me - or to be precise, my sleeve.

But this was not the real food story tonight. Oh no - and, no - it is nothing to do with eel's.

Mr. Turner - remember him? - turned out to be something of a magician. Can he saw ladies in half? No. Can he levitate ladies? No. Can he produce Twix's apparently from nowhere? Yes, yes he can. Admittedly some of them were warm, melted and slightly mangled - but hey! Free Twix! Probably best not to ask where he had been concealing them though.

Ground:

I liked it. It has improved vastly since the last time I visited. The Lincoln Echo Stand does look slightly mis-scaled in comparison to the rest of the ground - but it does leave room for the rather whimsical 'Poachers Corner'. All in all, a decent ground.

Action:

Well, the Dagenham experience had been somewhat chastening - that was before the whole slimy, bottom feeder experience - after that it was just downright unpleasant. However, Dale had rallied magnificently by mid-week to see off League One opposition in the Johnstone's Paint Tin.

Perhaps this is where Dale's season would click into gear then. Let's spin the wheel...

From the Dagenham fixture, Holness came in at right back for Wiseman, Ciaran Toner joined the centre of midfield for Keltie and Lee Thorpe joined Jordan Rhodes up front.

Lincoln started the brighter of the two sides provoking a distictly agricultural challenge from McArdle on Kerr just two minutes in. Mr. Sarginson had little doubt, McArdle made little protest and recieved a yellow card for his endeavours.

OK, I thought - a clear thinking ref making his intentions known early on. We need more like this fella - I thought to myself. Shame it was McArdle who copped for it - but this would surely mean a well run game. Good on you Mr. Sarginson!

Having started better than Dale the Imps continued to press their advantage. The first twenty minutes or so were pretty much all Lincoln. This habit of starting badly is becoming a little wearing. Therefore by way of compensation Dale decided to try something a bit radical. Scoring first.

Some patient rather than incisive build up play saw the ball driven towards Adam Rundle. From fully 30 yards out Rundle smashed an audacious volley - and faster than I could take the son of our Lord's name in vain - it had beaten Burch and was in the back of the Lincoln net. 1-0 Dale!

The next few moments are slightly vague - but it seemed to involve a lot of jumping around, shouting and hugging Mr. Turner and the Playboy. That goal has got to be a candidate for league goal of the month if not the season. Awesome.

Spin, spin, spin.

Taking the lead seemed to do Dale a power of good. They suddenly looked assured and Lincoln's early threat wavered and then petered out. The closest the Imps came was what in fairness looked a half decent penalty shout. But the protests were waved away and we pulled into half time 1-0 up for only the second time this season.

Those of you who have the unpleasant distiction of being regular readers - will know I have a problem with club mascots. Even our beloved Desmond baffles me. I mean - he's a dragon. I read the Observer every week and never once have I came across a story about dragon attacks in Bamford. A master of the cross bar challenge he may be - but appropriate? I don't think so. That said - in comparison to 'The Red Imp' (Lincoln's mascot - or 'Full Body Chemical Peel Man' as I think of him) Desmond is a positive treat.

I have reported in recent weeks about the general chaos which has surrounded the half time frolics at Spotland - or - the cross bar challenge as some know it. Sadly I was in the pie queue for the duration of the reels at Sincil Bank - but I did hear the announcer's explanation of the game.

In summary the game was a combination of Scrabble, Twister, Ask The Family, Lucky Ladders and We Are The Champions - with a fake door and a football - blindfolded. Sounded riveting - really sorry I missed it.

And so back to business...

After his decisive start, Mr. Sarginson had become a cause of some concern. His decisions were - well - about as easy to predict as a roulette wheel. Both sets of players and fans were left agog at the products of the ref's assorted ruminations - in the second half he would come close to causing a civil order incident involving 4,500 people.

Spin, spin, spin.

For the majority of the half Dale were pretty much on top. Lincoln would lumber forward - the attack would be snuffed out - Rochdale would storm forward on the break. Repeat until you score.

Except they didn't.

Misplaced passes, poor decisions, a flag happy linesman and indifferent finishing meant that Dale did not further extend their lead. Still the Dale defence seemed to be fairly untroubled - notwithstanding another impassioned appeal for a penalty from the Imps - which prompted Mr. Jackson, the Imps manager to attempt to get the home fans to join him in a rendition of YMCA. Sadly Mr. Sarginson was not a fan of the Village People's work and sent him to the stand to work on his act.

But as I say - the Dale defence were in no trouble - so whilst this wouldn't be the most convincing win ever. A win it most surely would be...

Spin, spin, spin.

With around five minutes to go a moment of indecision from Dagnall resulted in a corner for Lincoln. The initial kick was dealt with but was never really cleared fully. The ball arrived at the feet of Oakes on the Imps left who delivered a cross to the Dale back post - where it found Lincoln's young centre-half Danny Hone. A finish which would shame most centre forward's followed (and probably a firmly worded letter from the centre-halves union) - Russell didn't stand a chance. 1-1. Bugger.

Pleasingly Dale didn't fold after the equaliser and generated two or three excellent chances including a point blank effort from St. Adam which regrettably he managed to guide directly at the Lincoln keeper.

However, in spite of this late flourish - 1-1 it remained.

Click - click - click - click, click, click, clickclickclick. 'No winner sir - care to play again?'
.

Summary:

Well that was a treat - scoring first - and what a cracking goal. On balance I think Dale were the better side tonight - only rampant profligacy in front of goal left the door open for Lincoln to sneak a point in the dying moments.

Whilst clearly out of position Holness' athleticism and determination allowed him to perform well. Toner looked good in the centre - and looked to be a natural partner for Jones. Oh, and that Rundle boy did OK I suppose.

I have been watching football for many years - at all kinds of levels - but never in all those years have I heard both sets of fans chanting 'You don't know what you're doing!' at the referee.

Mr. Sarginson and his team were without doubt the worst set of officials I have ever seen in action. The only scant consolation was that they were equally incompetent towards both teams. At times the game descended into farce as one improbable decision followed another.

Part way through the second half I felt pretty certain there would be in a pitch invasion (by both sets of fans) which would result in Mr. Sarginson and his merry men being found dangling from the guttering of the main stand by the back of their Y-front's.

Turner Watch:

You can't really add too much to the resume of a man who can produce Twix's at will - but as is now the tradition, I will try.

Survived me jumping on him when Rundle scored, managed to avoid going deaf as I explained to the linesman and referee where they had most recently been mistaken and complained only very rarely about the contents of my I-Pod on the way there or on the way back. A quality performance.

10/10/08

Those darned Brazilians

Rochdale AFC 0 - 2 Lincoln Town FC

Journey:

As I live less than a mile from the ground this section should be fairly straightforward - got in car, drove for five minutes, arrived, done! However thanks to the dreamteam of Rochdale MBC and the Highways Agency, Sudden's upper roundabout is being 'improved'. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen - improved! Where once there was a perfectly servicable roundabout - say hello to a forrest of cones and meaningless signage, ground to a standstill by utterly confused motorists vainly trying to get where they want to go.

Away Support:

Disappointing to tell the truth. Maybe 200 at a pinch. From my last visit to Sincil Bank I seem to recall that every seat had a little paper sticker with a name on it. Perhaps they had stayed in Lincoln to stop people nicking their seats? The 'Lincoln 200' remained pretty well silent throughout the game - well at least until the unthinkable happened...


Food:

The Sandy Lane Delicatessan served up its usual array of quality fare. As I had been dragged round MFI, Tesco and then Dunelm that morning (without sustinance) I went for the two pie option - both of which were excellent. M'colleague Mr. Keane opted for a pie and moments later a burger - prompting murmurings of an eating challenge from Messrs Mitchell and Turner. The challenge never did materialise - however it did provoke an idea for a major new motion picture: middle aged men engage in a knockout style pie eating competition - culminating in a mano-y-mano final - resulting in an ultimate champion. We thought we would call it: Pielander!


Weather:


Cool and dry.


Action:

Dale were on a roll! Lincoln were hovering above the relegation zone. Rochdale had come through the worst Macc and the weather had thrown at them and swashbuckled their way past Darlington to within sight of the play-off's. There was definite anticipation in the air - when news filtered through that Keith Hill would not be in the dug-out (preferring the rarified air of the hospitality area in a suit hired from Denis Hope's) - the conviction that this was no more than a formality was reinforced.

But...

Lincoln had read the script and made plans of their own. The fact that they had eschewed their favoured red and white in favour of a Brazil kit should have been a clue... The first half was a bits-and-pieces affair which ebbed and flowed back and forth. Worryingly for Dale they never really found their rhythm; attacks fizzled out in the face of robust defending and became fewer and farther between as the half wore on; the Lincoln keeper was never troubled.


Lincoln on the other hand had come with a plan and applied it with grim, unswerving determination. It was only thanks to the gymnastics of Sam Russell that Dales blushes were saved. Dale rallied slightly as half time approached - but to no effect. As the whistle blew, 0-0 was probably fair, if rather disappointing. Dale tried to up the pace as the second half curtain went up - but again Lincoln held firm. The second half largely followed the format of the first half with Dale making a marginally better fist of things, but even a couple of substitutions couldn't break the dead-lock.

A dreary game, going nowhere, two pies, a few laughs and an idea for a movie - there are worse ways to spend a Saturday afternoon. Then came four minutes that ruined everything.

Around the 80 minute mark Dale had the ball in the net! Regrettably Glen Murray was adjudged to have handled the ball and was booked for his endeavours. Opinion on this was divided - but m'colleague Mr. Turner (who was in fairness closest) bore out the referee's decision.

We had scarcely recovered when Lincoln won a slightly controversial free kick in the Dale half. Amidst some confused defending Lincoln's Jamie Forrester poked the ball home. Two minutes later Dale performed their formation Red Sea manouver leaving Frecklington with a clean sight of goal and with the aid of the post Lincoln found themselves 2-0 ahead.

Summary:

This was not a good game. Dale were distinctly below par and Lincoln did not live up to the promise of their change strip. However, Lincoln were fit, prepared and well organised and on balance probably deserved their win. Dale must do better - if nothing else, it should stem the tide of pie related humour.

5/01/08