Bye, bye monkey

Rola-Cola Sposored English League Two

Lincoln City FC 1 - 3 Rochdale AFC

Journey

I have a serious problem.  I have a monkey on my back.  It has been there for over ten years.  It is called Lincoln.

Through bad luck, work and an ill-starred flirtation with golf I have never seen Rochdale win against Lincoln.  Never.  I have seen lots of draws and a number of narrow defeats -  I was lucky enough to miss the 7-1 demolition of Dale at Sincil Bank in 2006.  Lincoln City Football Club are the monkey on my back... and I am not alone.  Mr. Keane has exactly the same problem - although he had the good sense not to bother with golf.  In fairness, he did try to warn me.

I hadn't planned to go to Lincoln - based on the history, what was the point? - in any case, I went last year (another draw).  But then Bradford happened - and then Macclesfield - and after a quick glance down the league table I made my mind up.  I was going.  I suspect Mr. Keane was thinking along similar lines - after a phone call on Thursday - he was in as well.

...and so it was the Mr. Keane, Keane Jnr (six weeks without a game for the Littleborough Yellow's due to sodden pitches) and myself set forth for Lincolnshire at 11.30.

With Mr. Keane's Sat Nav, Mary, leading the way and Mr. Keane conducting a scientific study into the performance and handling characteristics of a hire car (the HMS Zafira had been subject to an unfortunate collision) - coversation turned to the other monkey on our back's.  January.

Allow me to un-roll for you a selection of fibs, outright lies, speculations and newspaper gabble - with commentary:

Oldham will not extend O'Grady's loan.  Having realised that COG is not the beast of burden they had widely quoted him as - Latics ask Rochdale to reach for your cheque book!

Tom Kennedy unhappy at Dale - wants to move.  Bury fan's still smarting over 'that' goal celebration.

Dagnall to Norwich - Whaley plus cash in return.  Whilst out with Keith Hill and Dave Flitcroft last week - Simon said 'no comment' to our roving reporter.

Buckley to Hull - Atkinson plus cash in return.  I can't spot the difference - and big dobs of Premiership cash as well - super!

Dawson to Tottenham. Not if his mum has anything to do with it - it's full of 'funny' folk that London is.

Buckley to Coventry - A Specials gig at Spotland and cash in return.  Where do we sign!?!

In short - nonsense.  Something will happen - goodness knows what.  This monkey will cling on for a while.

We arrived in Lincoln, Mary went mad, we drove round in circles for a bit, parked up, walked round in circles for a bit and then found Sincil Bank - hiding behind some houses.

Weather

Clear skies and arctic temperatures.

Food

Having massively 'over-pied' last week - nothing.  Free coffee at half time for the press though - Spotland take note.

Ground

Tidy.  The Lincoln Echo stand is a bit of a funny one though - straddling the halfway line, it is only half the length of that side - so there are two much smaller stands snuggled up next to it.  Considering the biting cold - probably not a bad idea.

What was warming however, was the sight of 500 Dale fans - including a platoon of festive Santa's.

Actually getting to the commentary positions was a bit of a trial - I had to collect my ticket from one end of the ground - and then walk to the other end to get in.  All a bit odd.  I finally caught up with Mr. Culshaw and was ushered to my thoughtfully prepared seat.  After Bradford where I was used as a storm barrier - today I would be acting as a sun visor for my illustrious colleague

News

Black and white and red all over.  Notts County have been sold - again.  You coldn't make it up.

Beat the bullet.  Keith Hill avoided the acursed manager of the month award.  Ronnie Moore at Rotherfield swept up the silvery cola bottle.  Best of luck with that Ronnie.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Kennedy(T), Stanton, Dawson, Wiseman

Mid: Atkinson, Taylor, Kennedy(J), Thompson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Taberner, McArdle, Flynn, Toner, Jones, Glover, Higginbotham

Just one change, Thompson in for Higginbotham.  With a settled Dale side rolling into the game on the back of four straight wins, the chilling sound of an air-raid siren thundering around Sincil Bank and the mercury plummeting in the thermometer - was today finally going to be the day?  Would Mr. Keane and I finally shed the monkey?

It didn't look good to start with.  Lincoln had clearly paid heed to Burton and Accrington's performances against Dale - and sought to crowd and stifle Rochdale at every turn.  Dale had more of the ball - but against a resolute Imp's line-up - few real opportunities presented themselves.

On 23 minutes, it looked a lot worse.  A Rochdale corner came to nothing and Lichaj picked up the clearance.  With the Dale defence scattered and disorganised the young American carved his way upfield - running almost box to box.  With Rochdale's defenders drawn to the Aston Villa loanee he realeased a millimeter perfect pass into the path of fellow Villa loanee Chris Herd.  With the defence wrong footed Herd only had Heaton to deal with - a clinical strike left the Dale keeper with no chance.  1-0 Lincoln.

Thirteen minutes later Dale were level.  Tenacious work from Atkinson released Wiseman who bucaneered forward before swinging a pacy cross into the box where O'Grady lept on the gift and smashed the ball past Rob Burch from the edge of the six yard box.  1-1!

As halftime drew close it seemed that Thompson's cute looping header from just inside the area had caught Burch off his line and pushed Dale into the lead - but frantic back pedalling by the Lincoln keeper allowed him to tip the ball over.  But it was a corner for Dale.  Tom Kennedy floated the ball in - Dawson romped into the area - his bullet header left Burch powerless to intervene.  2-1 Dale!

Halftime put in it's customary appearance and as the assembled press attempted to keep warm the talk was about events elsewhere.  Everton were putting up a spirited fight against Chelsea,  Bolton were giving City a run for their (not inconsiderable) money and Bradford were making Rotherfield's afternoon less than comfortable - but the big news was second place Bournemouth.  At halftime thery were already 3-0 down at Morecambe.  At this rate - Dale could be four points clear at the end of today.

On the subject of monkeys - you may recall at Bradford we voted Michael Simpkins as Dale's worst ever player.  Truly a monkey on Dale's back if ever there was one.  We also revealed that he is still playing - for Retford United.  Retford is just down the road from Lincoln - we passed it today.  But the coincidences didn't end there - in the last couple of weeks Roch Valley Radio have added a correspondant at FC United games to the coverage of Rochdale and Bury matches - today FC United's opponents were Retford United - and yes - Simpkins was playing.  Apparently he was quite good.  Retford were leading by halftime.

The second half began under a blood red sunset - but despite the dramatic backdrop the second period was something of a non-event.  Dale kept the ball quite nicely, Lincoln harried - but with less conviction than at the start of the first half and then, just on the hour Dale got a third.

A nicely choreographed free kick saw Tom Kennedy slide the ball wide to Dagnall.  As the wall tried to work out what was happening, Dagnall crossed to the back post where Thompson had the simple task of tapping the ball over the line.  3-1!

For the remaining half hour Dale made pretty triangle's around the slightly disinterested Imp's.  Lincoln threatened little and rarely.  As the clock ran down and the mercury sank even lower Chris O'Grady teed up an effort from twenty yards which looked to have Burch beaten - but it hammered off the bar and bounced away to safety.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Mr. Keane, Keane Jnr and myself

In the end Bournemouth were on the wrong end of a 5-0 rout.  Dale are four points clear at the top of League Two.

Retford United beat FC United 4-2.  Michael Simpkins had a good game.

Today marks a club record five consecutive away wins for Dale.

At the end of some exhaustive testing by Mr. Keane - I can confirm that a hire car is the fastest best handling car in the world.  Fact.

During the somewhat event free second half, Mr. Culshaw made a heart stoppingly exciting point:  Whatever happens next Saturday - Dale will be top of League Two on Christmas day.  I don't think this has ever happened before.

Mr. Keane and I saw Rochdale beat Lincoln.  Bye, bye monkey.

Spin the wheel

Lincoln City FC 1 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

By special agreement with my boss I finished at 3:30 today.

I had to explain to him that this was the year that I would be going to every game home and away - and tonight would mean a trip to Lincoln. He paused for a moment, looked over the top of his spectacles and said: 'its football - football is more important.'

Yes - this really did happen. I wasn't having another one of my now infamous 'Scrubs' style, slightly random fantasy interludes.

A frantic drive from Wigan to Rochdale and a rapid change of clothes later I was loitering somewhat suspiciously outside MacDonalds on Sandbrook Park. Why you ask? (after recovering from the fact I remained outside a MacDonalds)

Enter Mr. Turner.

After a season of patchy attendances - the force of nature that is Mr. Turner would be taking the shotgun duties for my trip to the surprisingly hill free county of Lincolnshire.

At around this point I usually have a stab at explaining the route I took. To be honest I haven't got a clue. I have now officially joined the mind-absent millions who schlep around the highway's and byway's of this fair isle glued to the little screen stuck to their windscreen. I have become a SatNav zombie. Rochdale to Lincoln with brain in neutral - scary isn't it?

I did briefly rejoin the land of the living as we drove through the charming village of Spital-in-the-Street. Both Mr. Turner and I scanned the tarmac quite closely. This may be the most bizarre and also slightly repugnant case of misrepresentation I have ever come accross.

In the gathering darkness we arrived at Sincil Bank. Special thanks to the steward who told me that we really shouldn't (wink) use the carpark (wink, wink) next to the ground - because it belongs to Playzone (wink, wink, wink) and is nothing to do with the club (wink, wink, wink, wink, wink) . Top tip Mr. Steward!

Weather:

It had been another unseasonably warm day in Gods Country and the clear skies persisted as we pressed eastwards - culminating in a slightly extravagant sunset as we homed in on Lincoln. By the time we entered Lincoln an inky night had descended. Chilly, but not disagreeable.

Food:

Cheese burger and coke £4.60. Not quite in the Accrington league - but still a bit steep - I took extra ketchup and mustard in protest. Inevitably this backfired on me - or to be precise, my sleeve.

But this was not the real food story tonight. Oh no - and, no - it is nothing to do with eel's.

Mr. Turner - remember him? - turned out to be something of a magician. Can he saw ladies in half? No. Can he levitate ladies? No. Can he produce Twix's apparently from nowhere? Yes, yes he can. Admittedly some of them were warm, melted and slightly mangled - but hey! Free Twix! Probably best not to ask where he had been concealing them though.

Ground:

I liked it. It has improved vastly since the last time I visited. The Lincoln Echo Stand does look slightly mis-scaled in comparison to the rest of the ground - but it does leave room for the rather whimsical 'Poachers Corner'. All in all, a decent ground.

Action:

Well, the Dagenham experience had been somewhat chastening - that was before the whole slimy, bottom feeder experience - after that it was just downright unpleasant. However, Dale had rallied magnificently by mid-week to see off League One opposition in the Johnstone's Paint Tin.

Perhaps this is where Dale's season would click into gear then. Let's spin the wheel...

From the Dagenham fixture, Holness came in at right back for Wiseman, Ciaran Toner joined the centre of midfield for Keltie and Lee Thorpe joined Jordan Rhodes up front.

Lincoln started the brighter of the two sides provoking a distictly agricultural challenge from McArdle on Kerr just two minutes in. Mr. Sarginson had little doubt, McArdle made little protest and recieved a yellow card for his endeavours.

OK, I thought - a clear thinking ref making his intentions known early on. We need more like this fella - I thought to myself. Shame it was McArdle who copped for it - but this would surely mean a well run game. Good on you Mr. Sarginson!

Having started better than Dale the Imps continued to press their advantage. The first twenty minutes or so were pretty much all Lincoln. This habit of starting badly is becoming a little wearing. Therefore by way of compensation Dale decided to try something a bit radical. Scoring first.

Some patient rather than incisive build up play saw the ball driven towards Adam Rundle. From fully 30 yards out Rundle smashed an audacious volley - and faster than I could take the son of our Lord's name in vain - it had beaten Burch and was in the back of the Lincoln net. 1-0 Dale!

The next few moments are slightly vague - but it seemed to involve a lot of jumping around, shouting and hugging Mr. Turner and the Playboy. That goal has got to be a candidate for league goal of the month if not the season. Awesome.

Spin, spin, spin.

Taking the lead seemed to do Dale a power of good. They suddenly looked assured and Lincoln's early threat wavered and then petered out. The closest the Imps came was what in fairness looked a half decent penalty shout. But the protests were waved away and we pulled into half time 1-0 up for only the second time this season.

Those of you who have the unpleasant distiction of being regular readers - will know I have a problem with club mascots. Even our beloved Desmond baffles me. I mean - he's a dragon. I read the Observer every week and never once have I came across a story about dragon attacks in Bamford. A master of the cross bar challenge he may be - but appropriate? I don't think so. That said - in comparison to 'The Red Imp' (Lincoln's mascot - or 'Full Body Chemical Peel Man' as I think of him) Desmond is a positive treat.

I have reported in recent weeks about the general chaos which has surrounded the half time frolics at Spotland - or - the cross bar challenge as some know it. Sadly I was in the pie queue for the duration of the reels at Sincil Bank - but I did hear the announcer's explanation of the game.

In summary the game was a combination of Scrabble, Twister, Ask The Family, Lucky Ladders and We Are The Champions - with a fake door and a football - blindfolded. Sounded riveting - really sorry I missed it.

And so back to business...

After his decisive start, Mr. Sarginson had become a cause of some concern. His decisions were - well - about as easy to predict as a roulette wheel. Both sets of players and fans were left agog at the products of the ref's assorted ruminations - in the second half he would come close to causing a civil order incident involving 4,500 people.

Spin, spin, spin.

For the majority of the half Dale were pretty much on top. Lincoln would lumber forward - the attack would be snuffed out - Rochdale would storm forward on the break. Repeat until you score.

Except they didn't.

Misplaced passes, poor decisions, a flag happy linesman and indifferent finishing meant that Dale did not further extend their lead. Still the Dale defence seemed to be fairly untroubled - notwithstanding another impassioned appeal for a penalty from the Imps - which prompted Mr. Jackson, the Imps manager to attempt to get the home fans to join him in a rendition of YMCA. Sadly Mr. Sarginson was not a fan of the Village People's work and sent him to the stand to work on his act.

But as I say - the Dale defence were in no trouble - so whilst this wouldn't be the most convincing win ever. A win it most surely would be...

Spin, spin, spin.

With around five minutes to go a moment of indecision from Dagnall resulted in a corner for Lincoln. The initial kick was dealt with but was never really cleared fully. The ball arrived at the feet of Oakes on the Imps left who delivered a cross to the Dale back post - where it found Lincoln's young centre-half Danny Hone. A finish which would shame most centre forward's followed (and probably a firmly worded letter from the centre-halves union) - Russell didn't stand a chance. 1-1. Bugger.

Pleasingly Dale didn't fold after the equaliser and generated two or three excellent chances including a point blank effort from St. Adam which regrettably he managed to guide directly at the Lincoln keeper.

However, in spite of this late flourish - 1-1 it remained.

Click - click - click - click, click, click, clickclickclick. 'No winner sir - care to play again?'
.

Summary:

Well that was a treat - scoring first - and what a cracking goal. On balance I think Dale were the better side tonight - only rampant profligacy in front of goal left the door open for Lincoln to sneak a point in the dying moments.

Whilst clearly out of position Holness' athleticism and determination allowed him to perform well. Toner looked good in the centre - and looked to be a natural partner for Jones. Oh, and that Rundle boy did OK I suppose.

I have been watching football for many years - at all kinds of levels - but never in all those years have I heard both sets of fans chanting 'You don't know what you're doing!' at the referee.

Mr. Sarginson and his team were without doubt the worst set of officials I have ever seen in action. The only scant consolation was that they were equally incompetent towards both teams. At times the game descended into farce as one improbable decision followed another.

Part way through the second half I felt pretty certain there would be in a pitch invasion (by both sets of fans) which would result in Mr. Sarginson and his merry men being found dangling from the guttering of the main stand by the back of their Y-front's.

Turner Watch:

You can't really add too much to the resume of a man who can produce Twix's at will - but as is now the tradition, I will try.

Survived me jumping on him when Rundle scored, managed to avoid going deaf as I explained to the linesman and referee where they had most recently been mistaken and complained only very rarely about the contents of my I-Pod on the way there or on the way back. A quality performance.

10/10/08