Duality

Rochdale AFC 0 - 2 Darlington FC

Journey:

I have seen Mr. Turner wearing a roman centurion’s helmet, a big pink wig and most unfortunately of all – shorts.

Nothing really prepared me for what I saw today.

I arrived at Mr. Turner’s place of employ a little after 11 to be greeted by himself, in a shirt and tie, sat in a big leather chair, behind a desk, looking the very essence of the modern business man.

Can this be the same Mr. Turner? Well the fact that he was scouring the internet for a website which would be showing today’s televised game did shatter the illusion somewhat.

So which one is the real Mr. Turner? The shirt and tie clad business man or the pink wig wearing socialite? Unsatisfyingly – the answer is both. He is not alone either.

Back in the day, Brian Moore was notorious on the rugby field for his uncompromising approach to the game. But, when he wasn’t dishing it out to the Welsh, French, Scotts and Irish – he was one of the most respected lawyers in London.

The fact is that everyone has at least two sides to them. Thinking or doing one thing while thinking or doing the absolute opposite is pretty normal. It is called duality.

Having drained a mug of tea I bid farewell to Mr. Turner - who was by now being polite and helpful to some prospective clients – and headed for Spotland.

As I wandered round to reception to collect my press pass there were huge Sky TV wagon’s filling up the car park – big bundles of cables trailing everywhere; the all weather pitch near the Studd’s bar had been turned into a funfair – complete with a giant inflatable dragon - and even at 11.30 there were hordes of smiling, replica shirt wearing, Dale fans milling around the ground. Even the closure of Sandy Lane due to a road accident hadn’t stemmed the tide of revellers.

I finally managed to elbow my way through the throng and joined the queue in reception. When my turn finally came, a besuited fellow slipped in front of me and announced to the lady on reception: ’Lord Mawhinney is here!’. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough – standing right behind me was the chairman of the Football League. I did consider bowing or curtseying (I’m not sure which is more appropriate for a Lord) but settled instead on getting out of the way.

With his Lordship ushered safely away from the common herd I collected my pass, slipped through the side door that leads onto the players tunnel and arrived pitch side.

The first thing I saw raised a smile and perhaps just a little tear. The big flag from Wembley was back! The last time I saw the flag it was dangling from beneath a little airship above the Wembley turf – today it was draped over one section of seating in the Wilbutts Lane stand.

Almost 12 months after that trip to Wembley I am still not quite certain how I feel about it. It was the most wonderful, most exciting, most harrowing and most disappointing day of my life. Stupid duality.

Weather:

The daffodils outside Aldi may have died off – but the balmy spring weather continues.

Short sleeves for most, although the cautious favoured a light jacket folded over the arm, the ‘cooler’ sections of the Dale faithful flicked theirs casually over their shoulders.

Blue skies, fluffy clouds, warm sunshine – if you listened carefully, you could almost hear the sound of 3500 Rochdalian faces changing from their normal blue/grey colour, through white and towards a healthy pink.

I was in the sunless main stand, in a short sleeved shirt, shivering.

Food:

This commentating malarkey has been great fun - I thank whatever gods were on duty that day for seeing fit to smile on me – and the free buffet at half time is a definite bonus… but, it lacks a certain meat and potatoyness. I really enjoy commentating – but I also enjoy a meat and potato pie while watching football. Stupid duality.

Away Support:

It is a long way from Darlington to Rochdale – especially when your hopes of promotion have been dashed by a points deduction and the game is on the telly anyway. Unsurprisingly, only a couple of hundred Quakers fans made the journey.

Action:

It was all really exciting. A bigger than normal crowd, an army of Sky folks doing complicated technical things, sometime Premiership referee, Andy D’Urso, calling the shots and a beautiful sunny day – a perfect setting to show off Dale’s talents to the world (and I do mean world – Mr. Turner finally found a Saudi Arabian web site which would be showing the game). When I joined Mr. Culshaw he was bouncing up and down like a kid at Christmas time. On a brief trip into the Studd’s bar we met Playboy Dan who had cast aside his usual suave reserve and was grinning from ear to ear. That said, he wasn’t as excited as Playboy jnr, who had put a penalty past Rochdale club mascot, Desmond the Dragon, at the funfair and won a pencil case – which he was showing off rather proudly. Today was going to be absolutely brilliant.

With Jones and Wiseman still injured, your team for today would be as follows: Fielding in goal. Kennedy, McArdle, Stanton and Ramsden in defence. Rundle, Keltie, Toner and Buckley in midfield. Dagnall and St. Adam upfront.

Amid enthusiastic singing from the Rochdale fans, waving flags and blaring horns – the game began. Fresh from a profitable Easter weekend where Dale appeared to have recovered from their recent stutters, a confident Rochdale rolled forward.

In truth it looked as if Dale planned to have the whole game wrapped up in the opening ten minutes – which funnily enough is exactly what happened, but not at all how I imagined.

Mr. Culshaw and I were still in the process of picking over a mouth watering move which had seen LeFondre beat his man and flash the ball across the face of goal - where Dagnall had failed to make contact by the width of a blade of grass with the keeper totally standed – when the party came to a shuddering halt.

From the clearance the ball made it’s way to Jason Kennedy who had a speculative punt from around twenty yards which went past the post, bounced off the hoardings and back onto the field. Well. That was what I thought had happened. But, why were the Darlington players celebrating? More importantly, why was Mr. D’Urso indicating a goal? There was a brief break in commentary as Mr. Culshaw and I caught flies.

It wouldn’t be until half time when I saw the television replay that it became clear that I had been an unwitting witness to the laws of physics having a little rest. Kennedy’s fourth minute, dipping, twisting, thunderbolt was utterly awesome. 1-0 Darlington.

The effect on the Rochdale fans was immediate and shattering. Total silence. The party had ended. Dale soldiered on and created a selection of good opportunities, but poor finishing, stout defending and the Darlo keeper, Kazimierczak’s un-nerving habit of being in just the right place at the right time meant that Dale could not find a way through.

Half time. In lieu of meat and potato I scarfed down as many sausage rolls as I could get my hands on, grabbed a cup of free coffee, watched Kennedy’s goal from a dizzying number of angles on the TV in the press room and then headed back to the commentary area. On my way back I passed a bloke using his mobile phone in the corridor. He looked very familiar although I couldn’t quite place him, so I smiled and said, ’you alright mate?’. He looked at me completely blankly. This was on account of him being retired Premiership referee Jeff Winter.

The second half got underway and Dale pressed forward once more. The Quakers almost put the ball in their own net, Buckley hit the post, Dale were denied what looked like a pretty clear penalty when a Darlington defender punched a Will Buckley shot away from danger and Dagnall lashed a volley wide of the post.

…and then Darlington scored again. Well sort off. A seemingly harmless header which appeared to be going out of play bounced back off the post. Fielding and McArdle had a ‘to me, to you’ moment which ended with McArdle poking it into his own net on 66 minutes. 2-0 Darlington.

I honestly can’t be bothered describing the rest. 2-0 Darlington it ended.

Summary:

A wonder goal and an embarrassing mistake. That was the story of today.

Dale weren’t actually that bad. They created a hat full of chances – but they simply couldn’t finish any of them. Nervous finishing, bad luck and a ruthlessly organised Darlo defence meant that having conceded so early Dale were really up against it.

More invention and drive from the Rochdale central midfield pairing of Keltie and Toner may have helped Dale’s cause today – but none was to be had. Gary Jones, please come back – we need you.

…and so, back to duality. Defeat today means that automatic promotion for Dale is pretty much impossible. Well, it is still ‘mathematically’ possible – but we all know what that means. After a season which held such promise, it looks like the play-off’s again. As I stood in the sunshine outside the Ratcliffe Arms with Mr. Keane, I felt utterly gutted. Play-off’s! What a complete let down! A total failure!

Hang on a minute!

2006/7 saw Dale go from being hot favourites for relegation at Christmas to almost making the play-off’s. At that time, Dale had only been involved in the play-off’s once in their history.

2007/08 saw Dale make the play-off’s and go all the way to the Wembley final.

2008/09 and Dale are one point away from guaranteeing the play-off’s for the second season in a row. Play-off’s here we come! Time to believe! We’ve never had it so good!

Stupid duality.

Turner Watch:

Having found the Saudi Arabian sports web site, it took him a further twenty minutes to spot the ‘English Version’ button. A brave effort with the Arabic though.

18/04/09

Men at work

Darlington FC 1 - 2 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

I drive slowly. I am famous for it. Ask anyone. I am Captain Slow.

So it was something of a surprise when I got a speeding ticket on the way to Darlington.

How do you get a speeding ticket for doing 42 in a 60? Easy! Because 300 meters of the East Lancs Road had been converted to a 30. Uncannily, there were two Police cars and a motorcycle parked right next to that section - that was lucky wasn't it?

I have previously reflected that people don't concentrate when they are driving - well how red is my face? I didn't see the signs. The nice Police man didn't seem happy with this as an explanation. He also explained that the 30 zone had been put there to guarantee the safety of the men working on the road.

I was bound to ask - 'well, where are they then?'. 'They finished half an hour ago' was the reply. So I guess they are as safe as they will ever be.

Some might say that this was little better than a revenue generation exercise by Greater Manchester Police. Personally, I think the safety of non-existent workmen is a very important cause - although at £60 and 3 points on my licence, the donation seems slightly excessive.

Aside of the compulsary stationary traffic around Leeds the rest of the journey passed off without incident and I arrived in Darlington at 18:45.

Weather:

It was dark - I couldn't see any.

Food:

So here's the thing... Mrs. Eden-Maughan has gone on a diet. Which means that I am on a diet. Essentially this means water and dust (which are low in calories) and not pies (which are high in calories).

In spite of what Playboy Dan and Amancalledshaun may tell you, A steak pie smothered in two sachets of brown sauce did not pass my lips ...because I am on a diet.

Ground:

Have you seen 'Field of Dreams'? Basically it is about an American farmer who builds a Baseball field because a ghostly voice told him, 'if you build it, they will come'.

The Darlington Arena is a little like that. Except for the, 'they will come' part.

It is big - really big, well planned - lots of parking, bars, food stalls etc and it is undeniably beautiful. It is the best ground in League Two by some distance - and would give several Championship grounds a run for their money. The problem is - it is empty.

I came here for the Play-Off game last season - even then, one whole side of the ground was empty. Without the excitement of promotion to spur the locals on, the place was a pretty forlorn spectacle tonight - vast areas of empty seats. There were perhaps 400 Dale fans in the Arena this evening - but it didn't really help.

The ground is now sponsored by a local newspaper - The Northern Echo. Sad but true.

Action:

Dale have signed a Cricketer! Yes, you are reading that correctly. 18 year old Craig Dawson, amateur Cricketer and Footballer, has signed on this week. Aparrently he is a defender. It is an interesting move - especially considering that Rochdale have let all of their reserve defenders go out on loan. Perhaps he will be more than a 12th man.

So following defeat to Brentford at the weekend, Mr. Hill had indicated that there might be changes. Which was a cue for everyone's pet theories to be wheeled out.

I feel very strongly that St. Adam should be starting every game - afterall, he is Dale's top scorer. The Thompson/Dagnall experiment has been interesting - but since the Aldershot game it hasn't looked massively convincing. I like the big man/little man combination - LeFondre with either Thorpe or McEvilly would be my pick.

Mr. Keane is adamant that Adam Rundle must start every game. He is Rundle's number one fan. This is the latest chapter in his long running 'wingers' theory. It has been developing for around ten years now - and don't I know it.

As it turned out, we would both be happy.

Thorpe and St. Adam up front, Rundle on the left of midfield. Thompson and Buckley would drop to the bench. Following his 'out-of-sorts' performance at the weekend McArdle had suffered a knock in training and would be replaced by Simon Ramsden at centre half.

Rochdale did not start the game well. A very businesslike Darlington side rolled forward and had Dale under pressure from the opening minutes. Darlo would generate five or six attempts on goal in the opening 25 minutes - although few required Fielding to make a save. It was desperate stuff at times with Ramsden clearing the the ball off the line from one Quakers attack.

However, on 28 minutes, it was Dale who would take the lead. From a another failed Darlo thrust Rochdale surged upfield and delivered the ball to St. Adam just inside the area. He twisted away from his man and delivered a blistering finish past a flailing Gerken in the Quakers goal. 1-0 Dale!

Darlington continued to push - but by luck and judgement, Rochdale held firm. Concerningly, Gary Jones began to hobble, then limp and finally subsided onto the turf. He would be replaced by Keltie just before half time - as an ex-Darlington player and captain, Keltie received a lively reception from the Darlo faithful.

Half time. Records. As most people know Rochdale are the longest serving club in League Two - or Division Four in old money. Not a record they relish. Tonight would also mark another milestone - Rochdale became the team Darlington have played most often in their long history. However, Rochdale appear to have broken another record. Dale have scored in every one of their last 23 league games (including tonight) - I have checked this, it is true - which according to Mr. Turner is an English league record. I have scoured the internet for verification - but can't find it. Help?

Second half.

Things did not start well for Darlo. Their on-loan striker Liam Hatch attempted some rough and tumble with Fielding and came off much the worst. An age would go by as a stretcher was summoned from the touchline. He would be replaced by Carlton.

However, things almost immediately perked up for the home side when on 60 minutes Pawel Abbott took advantage of some slip-shod defending of a Quakers corner-kick to poke home from close range. 1-1.

... and then got worse again. Darlo old boy Adam Rundle had been on the receiving end of some rough handling by the home crowd. I am certain he took no pleasure in volleying home LeFondre's cross on 62 minutes at all. 2-1!

... and then worse still, when on 63 minutes the Quakers captain, Ricky Ravenhill, was offered an early bath for a two footed stamp on another Darlo old boy, Scott Wiseman. Mind you, seconds earlier Darlington left back, Austin, had attempted a similar lunge on Adams - which should probably have merited a dismissal. Ravenhill's dismissal followed directly in the wake of Mr. Friend's decision to let play go on.

With Darlo now down to ten men, Dale pushed for a third. But in spite of their best efforts - and there were many - the third goal did not materialise. The pick of the opportunities being Thorpe's 'cheeky' chip over the stranded keeper - which was headed off the line.

Mr. Friend added on 9 full minutes of stoppage time and Darlington staged a spirited rally which caused a few nervy moments for Dale - but to no effect. 2-1 it remained.

Summary:

Workmanlike. Gone was the flashy interchanging strikers concept - back was trusty old 4-4-2. Dale didn't look like a team who were trying to impress the opposition to death anymore - they looked like a highly professional outfit who were there to win a game of football.

Darlington are a good side, with good players. However, spurned opportunities and alarming indiscipline worked against them.

For Rochdale, Thorpe and LeFondre looked sharp upfront - Mr. Keane's favourite, Rundle, turned in an excellent performance and Ciaran Toner did what Ciaran Toner does best - a thousand simple things very well.

I just wish Dale could defend set-pieces. I really do.

A good, solid performance, a bit of luck and a great result.

Turner Watch:

Is he making it up? Is it really an English league record? Answers on a postcard please.

24/02/09

Now your dream is real...

Rochdale AFC 2 - 1 Darlington FC
AET (3 - 3) agg

Rochdale win 5 - 4 on penalties

Journey:

Probably the longest journey of the season. It began on the car park outside the Darlington Arena. It continued down the A1, M1 & M62 and through booking my summer holiday (Turkey, for those of you who are interested). It dragged on through a week of meetings, presentations and 'creative workshops' (to my way of thinking anything which does not involve a saw, a hammer and a G-clamp is not a workshop - a room full of people talking about 'paradigms' and 'concepts' definitely is not a workshop).

All this time I had just one thing on my mind - noon on Saturday.

I was suffering from advanced Dale Fever. Worse still, I appeared to be contagious. My staff had all watched our outing to the north east of England on Sky (Manchester United and Wigan fans). Many of my peers - none of whom had heard of, much less cared about Rochdale a few months ago - had watched the game.

In a strange twist, the chap who sits in the office next door to mine popped in on Tuesday morning to tell me he had watched the game - and that he knows Keith Hill. It turns out they played centre half together at Canon Slade School in Bolton. He hadn't seen him in more than 20 years - until Saturday that is.

My personal excitement levels went off the meter when news trickled through on Wednesday that Spotland was sold out! Not only that but Darlo had failed to sell all of their tickets.

And so, Saturday finally dawned.

Mr. Turner had discovered that the Regal Moon in Rochdale would be opening early today - so that is where we convened at 09:30. I would have been earlier but Lady Luck was a little reluctant to leave her slumber - but on a day as important as this, there was no way on earth she would not be coming.

After a hearty breakfast and a fortifying drink we saddled up and headed to Spotland. I sauntered through the Sandy Lane turnstiles at 10:30 - the ground was already filling up.

Weather:

After a week of clear blue skies and flag-cracking temperatures today marked a return to more traditional British weather. A heavy overcast lurked menacingly over Rochdale accompanied by a chilly breeze which held the occasional hint of drizzle.

Food:

Having gorged myself on the substantial full-english laid on at the Regal Moon I needed no further sustinance and opted for a coffee. Mrs. Eden-Maughan and Lady Luck who were also weighed down by their breakfast's elected to have hot chocolate. Mr. Keane on the other hand was observed savaging a cheese burger - in spite of having seen off a bacon barm only minutes before. On what would prove to be an extraordinary day - the thing I was least prepared for was Mr. Mitchell. He cantered up a few moments after I arrived - clutching a pie - which he then ate. I watched intently in stunned silence.

Away Support:

As I mentioned earlier, Darlington had failed to sell their full ticket allocation. Therefore, it was 2000 or so Quakers who made the trip south. Puzzling considering they were carrying a goal advantage into the game.

Pretty vocal throughout - but largely drowned out by almost 7000 Dale fans.

The support for Dale today was truly out of this world. Mr. Hill's request for a 'cauldron of noise' was met in full measure. We even had a half decent stab at 'Wonderwall'. As it was Mr. Hill's birthday it seemed the least we could do.

Action:

So, simple maths. Score twice, don't concede.

If only it were to be so simple.

Mr. Beeby of Northamptonshire blew the whistle and Dale roared forward. With just minutes on the clock Dagnall passed up a gilt edged chance to open the scoring when he headed over the bar from six yards. Minutes later Dagnall failed to capitalise on a mistake by Stockdale - firing wide of the empty goal.

Fifteen minutes in and the initial Dale onslaught subsided giving Darlo the chance to re-group and consolidate. Having got their breath back the Quakers began to impose themselves on the game. Dale continued to press the issue - but Darlo were now right back in the tie and began to create opportunities of their own. Only some classy work from the Dale defensive unit held Darlington at bay - Stanton in particular shone - it was good to have him back.

Mr. Beeby had left both sets of players and fans scratching their heads a few times in the opening half hour. What happened next was perhaps the most baffling incident I have ever witnessed in a game of football.

An innocuous Darlo attack saw the ball sail harmlessly across the area - but then I noticed that the whistle had gone and Mr. Beeby was vehemently indicating the penalty spot. Judging from his little pantomime he felt that USS Howe had been pulling Kennedy's shirt. Players and fans alike were mystified. USS Howe went in the book. Keltie stepped up and duly despatched the spot-kick. 1-0 Darlo, 3-1 on aggregate. Not in the script - not at all.

Despite this curious little interlude, Dale responded. It took until almost the last gasp before half-time - but Dagnall got Dale on the score sheet.

A Rundle freekick saw Darlo's Stockdale flapping at air and in the ensuing chaos Dagnall poked the ball home from close range. 1-1, 3-2 on aggregate.

Half time. As I have already mentioned I had taken the wise precaution of dragging Lady Luck along today. However, you can never have too much luck - so lucky hats all round was the order of the day.

Consequently, Mr. Keane was sporting his porkpie hat again, Mrs. Eden-Maughan was resplendent in a John Lennon style cap (whilst wearing it she has never seen Rochdale lose), Mr. Turner was out-fitted with an 'I Love NY' cap I bought him in America (which he subsequently dumped, there's gratitude for you!), Mr. McCabe was wearing some kind of fetish, peaked cap affair and I had gone for a straw cowboy hat (I looked like a cross between Rochdale Cowboy and Midnight Cowboy).

Would all this head-wear get Rochdale back into this game?

Early signs were not good as the second half kicked off. USS Howe was withdrawn from front line service and would spend the balance of the tie moored to the bench. St. Adam replaced him.

Whilst the Dagnall/Le Fondre combination looks good on paper - they do give away a good deal of height. Thus was the story of the second period - the Quakers defence more than capable of keeping the Dale strikers under lock and key. Dale pressed, but every thrust was comfortably parried. Whilst Darlo seemed happy to defend their advantage for most of the time, Dale nerves were jangling when Ravenhill crashed the ball against the Dale upright.

And so it appeared it would end - Dale frustrated, Darlington comfortably seeing out the tie. It is at times like this that something amazing is required - as 7000 mouthes quietly prayed for divine intervention - it arrived in the form of David Perkins.

Around 70 minutes Dale had a stone cold penalty shout turned down after St. Adam had been chopped down in the box - in the following confusion the ball fell to Perks, 25 yards out from goal, one touch, left foot, a flick off a hapless defender, top corner - SPOTLAND ROARED! - 2-1 Dale, 3-3 on aggregate.

Minutes later it seemed that the miracle was complete as in a confused melee the ball rolled over the line into the Darlo gaol. It was quickly booted out again and the trusty Mr. Beeby added not seeing things which HAVE happened to his ability to see things which HAVEN'T happened. Final whistle - all square.

Extra time was fairly event free. Both sides looked dead on their feet.

However, there would be one further twist. Throughout the game a fairly ugly little battle had been going on between Perkins and Ravenhill. Perkins by far getting the worst of it - Referee Beeby semed to be having another period of selective blindness. Therefore part way through the first period of extra time when Ravenhill chopped Perkins down yet again - the little lad lost his temper and went for him. Silly, but understandable. Having temporarily recovered his vision Mr. Beeby had no hesitation in producing a straight red. Perks left the field in tears. Heart breaking.

And so to penalties. I hate penalties - being English it comes with the territory. As the players organised themselves I disappeared to the toilet - possibly with no plans to return. The toilets were full - I mean literally standing room only. Full of grown men, shaking like leaves and fretfully puffing on an illicit fag. I spoke to one bloke who I had met down at Dagenham - he was as white as a sheet - I finished my fag and asked if he was going back - 'NO' came the answer - as I left he locked himself in one of the cubicles.

I can't watch penalties. I just can't. I look at the ground - wait for the whistle and listen for which way the roar comes from.

Whistle, roar to my left - 1-0 Darlo.
Whistle, roar all around me - 1-1.
Whistle, roar to my left - 2-1 Darlo.
Whistle, roar all around me - 2-2.
Whistle, roar to my left - 3-2 Darlo.
Whistle, roar all around me - 3-3.
Whistle, roar to my left - 4-3 Darlo.
Whistle, roar all around me - 4-4.
Whistle - roar all around me! Kennedy had missed, Tommy Lee had saved it!

Up stepped Ben Muirhead for Dale...

Whistle, EXPLOSION! 4-5 Dale!

The Sandy poured out onto the pitch - Dale had done it - we are going to Wembley!

Summary:

After the game we de-camped to the Flying Horse for a pint. Mr. Turner shoved his phone in my face and said 'say a few words - I'll post the video on Facebook later'. I couldn't think of a thing to say.

My clothes were stuck to me, I had a headache from shouting and a voice that sounded like I had been gargling spanners.

With the benefit of some time to recover - here are my few words: 'Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!'

You Have Been Watching:

Normally at this point Mr. Turner gets to steal all the limelight. However, on this special day I thought I would introduce you to the full cast:

Mr. Keane - the heart and soul of the operation
Mr. Mitchell - the 'looker' of the group - and secretive scoffer
Mr. Turner - court jester and whipping boy
Mr. McCabe - an ice cream man who hates kids - and driving
Mr. Jones - un-naturally hairy and something of a ladies man - you work it out
Miss. Eden-Maughan - Lady Luck, shine on
Mrs. Eden-Maughan - long suffering wife and chief editor
Mr. Eden-Maughan (Me) - vitriolic abuser of match officials and hack

It only remains to say that the last edition of the match report will be brought to you from Wembley Stadium, in 'that' London. Believe!

17/05/08

Television

Darlington FC 2 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

04:30 hrs - bolt upright in bed - it's today! Rochdale are in the play-off's and I have a ticket!

Admittedly, it was just a little early to set off - so the next eleven hours were spent scouring the TV for any news about Dale. Nothing. Well if you exclude the advert on Sky promising 'exclusive' live coverage of this afternoon's game. I imagine ESPN, Canal+ and RTL were gutted.

The coverage of Dale's extraordinary centenary season on the telly has been - well - non-existent. Considering everything that Mr. Hill has achieved - with a budget you could comfortably carry in your trouser pocket - hardly a moment of precious airtime has been devoted to Rochdale. In contrast I have been subjected to seemingly endless coverage of MK Dons 'fairytale season' - in this particular case the fairytale included several hundred thousand pounds. Even Stockport County got five full minutes on North West Tonight - I mean c'mon!

After hours of frustration the fingers on the clock finally crawled round to 2:30pm - and as if by magic - Mr. Keane appeared. And when Mr. Keane appears all his little friends appear as well: Mr. Mitchell, Keane jr and in a real turn up for the books: Mr. Keane snr. Due to space pressures in my car Messers Jones, Turner and McCabe would be travelling in the 'B' car - ably piloted by Mr. Jones.

After a minor SatNav moment we were underway. M62, M1, A1, A66 - 1hr 30mins - done.

Most of the journey was spent Dale coach spotting - we counted 12 or 13 in total. Amazing. In the tradition of such trips we had a trivia question posed by Mr. Mitchell:

Name the nine players, capped by England whose surname begins and ends with the same letter.

We managed Scholes and Stiles. Please feel free to chip in.

Weather:

Hot, hot, hot!

Food:

Catastrophic pie failure.

When I made the trip to the pie shop I discovered that there were simply no more pies. Considering that this game was an all ticket affair - it wouldn't seem unreasonable that Darlo could have planned to have enough pies. Sadly not however. All that was left were jumbo packs of prawn cocktail crisps and packets of Starburst - not really traditional football fayre.

Ground:

The Darlington Arena is a truly amazing place. Clean, modern, symetrical and quite the best ground I have visited this season - or any other for that matter. There was even plenty of parking - although getting away from the ground proved to be a much bigger trial than getting in.

Pleasingly the people of Rochdale had abandoned their traditional pursuits of benefit fraud, robbing each others houses, shooting up and becoming involved in drunken brawls - 3500 had made the trip to the north east of England.

Being (apparently) the only person in Rochdale who is in gainful employment - I missed Jonathan Swain's sensationalistic run out on GMTV last week. However, based on Mr. Swain's approach to journalism I can confidently make the following statements:

All men from Ireland are called Paddy.

Everyone in Scotland has ginger hair.

All women from Wales are called Blodwyn.

Everyone from London is a loveable chimney sweep.

Everyone from Liverpool was in the Beatles.

I know these things to be true - because I know of at least one person from that locale who fits the description. It's obvious when you think about it...

With just over 4500 Darlo added to Dale's 3500 fans the atmosphere approaching the game was amazing. The only pity was that one whole side of the ground was empty.

Action:

5.35pm - go time!

A truly frantic start from both teams. Nerves clearly in evidence - errors from both sides contributed to an open and exciting first ten minutes. Darlo having a great effort from Wiseman denied by quick reactions from Lee, Dale's Dagnall denied from 22 yards by the underside of the cross-bar.

However, far from spurring Dale on, Dagnall's blast signalled the high water mark for Dale in the first period. From here onwards it was pretty well all Darlo.

Jones and Perkins in the heart of the Dale midfield found themselves overwhelmed by Darlington and chance after chance followed for the Quakers.

It seemed only a matter of time before Darlington would reap their just rewards. On 29 minutes they did.

Darlo's Kennedy flummoxed McArdle before unleashing an exquisite curling shot past Lee into the top corner. It chokes me to say it - but this truly was an excellent goal. 1-0.

The balance of the half was little better than damage limitation for Dale. The Quakers continued to comprehensively outplay Rochdale and created chances to further extend their advantage. Only a grimly determined rear guard action - with Lee starring - prevented further embarrasment.

Half time was a mercy.

Hats. Earlier in the season my colleague Mr. Keane had been quite strident on the topic of my millinery selections. Therefore imagine my surprise when Mr. Keane turned up wearing a brown, leather pork pie hat. Some people will do literally anything to get their fizog on the telly - see earlier comments re. Mr. Swain.

The highlight of halftime was a sneak preview of the 2008/9 home shirt. They aren't supposed to be available yet - but one lucky young lady had got her hands on one and was proudly showing it off. It's a good looking shirt - Inter Milan - or - Gillingham - dependant upon your aspirations.

The second half began cautiously - Darlo seemed content to defend and break, Dale struggled to get a hold on the game.

Very often a game can turn on the attitude of one or two players - this is what happened today. Around five minutes in Jones and Dagnall decided it was time to take the game to the Quakers - and they did.

Just as Darlington had dominated the first half - Dale, led by Jones and Dagnall poured forward. Darlo's first half supremacy evaporated.

Chance followed chance as Rochdale turned the screw. The only surprise was that it took Dale until the 70 minute mark to level things up. A smart turn from Dagnall, a rasping shot, a deflection - GOAL! Stockdale in the Darlington goal didn't even move. 1-1.

With things now level - Dale pressed onward for a winner. After the horror show in the first half, it was a joy to see Dale play the way they know they can.

However, as full time approached 1-1 it remained. If I had been offered the draw at 4:30am this morning - I would have taken it. Not a bad result...

And then things went wrong.

A rare Quakers attack culminated in an ill considered challenge from Jones which saw Darlo's Wainwright sprawling and Jones in the referee's book. Wainwright dusted himself down to take a deep angled free kick - Lee saw the danger and rushed off his line to punch clear - he missed - Miller headed the ball into the vacant net - 2-1 for Darlington. A wave of silent disbelief spread over the Rochdale fans.

But it wasn't quite over - with just seconds to go USS Howe smashed the ball toward the Darlo goal - only a solid block from Stockdale prevented Dale from re-levelling the tie.

2-1 it stayed.

Summary:

A woeful first half, an extraordinary second half. 1-1 would probably have been fair - but Darlo hung in there and nicked it at the death.

A great game, a brilliant location - not an ideal result, but not a disaster. The maths for the home fixture are pretty stark - score twice, don't concede.

Believe The Sign.

Turner Watch:

Shorts - I need say no more.

10/05/08