Ain't no pleasing you

Rola Cola Sponsored English League Two
Rochdale AFC 3 - 1 Dagenham and Redbridge FC

Journey

The demon drink.  It has a lot to answer for.  Perhaps it was the lack of football last weekend, perhaps it was the much anticipated arrival of the gentlemen scholars of the Royal Borough of Dagenham last night, perhaps it was the prospect of another thrilling 'El Classico' encounter  - what ever it was, the celebrations became somewhat lively.  We were finally shooed out of The Sun Hotel at a little after two this morning.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have been a big problem.  A bit of a lie in, a hot bath, a drive by at McDonalds, a couple of litre's of diet cola - jobs a good 'un.  Sadly none of this was possible.  I had to present a two hour radio program at 10am - and for reasons which seemed good at the time, my guests for today would be - the gentlemen of Dagenham*.  All seven of them.  Complete with rampant hangovers and a special variety of tetchiness which comes of getting less than five hours sleep.

I won't dwell too deeply on what unfolded, but a Saturday morning sports program basically turned into an unholy marriage of TISWAS and Eastenders.  For about an hour that is - after which as hangovers and tiredness took their toll, things really began to unravel.  I most sincerely apologise to my guests for the bit where I appeared to briefly doze off and then re-join the conversation at a point they had departed some moments previously.  The explanation was simple - I had briefly dozed off. The arrival of the news at noon was a mercy for all involved.

To the strains of Chas and Dave's timeless classic 'Ain't no pleasing you' we abandoned the studio to the undiluted relief of the listening public.

A hot bath, a nap, a McDonalds drive by and a litre of diet cola later I was vaguely awake and making my way to my commentary position.  At which point, I had to double check that I was actually awake.  In the seat behind mine was - Stuart Hall, quietly preparing himself for an afternoon's work.  What a pro!  I doubt I could have got myself ready with a large grinning oaf gawping at me.  To me, the man is little short of a living legend - as I was weighing up how much of an idiot I might look if I asked for his autograph - Mr. Culshaw arrived.  He was very excited.  His beloved Toffee's had pulled of a little miracle - Stretford Casuals had been put to the sword to the tune of 3-1.  The moment had passed - Stuart Hall would have to wait.

*Safety tip: never mention the 'and Redbridge' thing to a Dagenham fan.  I narrowly escaped with just a severe ticking off - for others it could be so much worse.  The story is complicated - but 'cuckoo in the nest' covers the main thrust of the issue.

Weather  

Blue sky, bright sunshine and the mercury never got out of the bulb.  Freezing.

Food   

At the last El Classico Del Norte, I was presented with a cultural gift by the Principality of Essex' Cultural Attache, Mr. Evans.  Eel's in jelly.  Thoroughly revolting.  This year he upped the anty - a jar of rollmops.  How to describe rollmops?  Picture the contents of a sealion's stomach preserved in brine and you are somewhere close.  I have put the jar on my car's dashboard to deter potential thieves.

Away Support 

Allow me to introduce the full Dagenham squad:  Mr. Evans, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, Mr. Spencer, Mr. Spencer the elder, Mr. Spencer the younger, Mr. Spencer the soldier and young Claude.  Along with about forty other extra's from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - that was your lot.  I gather a day of mourning has been declared in the Eastend for Bradley Branning.   

News

Notts County Enders-Street-Farm - sold for a quid.  Sven last seen heading for the airport.  If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny.

Dale win an award for being like really nice n' that.  Family Excellence Award for 2009/10 and they are also shortlisted for Family Club Of The Year.  With a little luck the award should have some company in the trophy cabinet soon enough.

Promising Dale youngster Chris Brown nominated for Apprentice Of The Year and sign's professional terms at Dale.  Best of luck young un.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Fielding

Def: Wiseman, Dawson, Stanton, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Obadeyi, Taylor, Jones, Atkinson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Arthur, McArdle, Flynn, Toner, Kennedy(J), Haworth, Higginbotham

El Classicos.  The Dale vs. Dagenham derby game.  The history of this jewel in the League Two calendar is short but keenly contested.  Since that first meeting in November 2007 (a win for Dale courtesy of a Dagenham own goal) this tie has served up a close draw, two defeats and a highly improbable win for Dale.  That win was all the more unlikely because the Daggers were top of the table going into that day last November.  Since then Dale have climbed into nose bleed territory and Dagenham have slipped into mid-table.  This contrast in fortunes provoked a troubling thought: after three seasons of friendly rivalry, horrible food gifts and an occasional cup of beer, this could be the last El Classico.

With Jones back in the side for Dale, Thompson relegated to the stands, the sun shining brightly and the gentlemen of Dagenham sitting in a row, tight on the touchline, like a bunch of elderly French ladies waiting for the guillotine to fall - what could well be the end of an era got underway.

The opening exchanges were muted as both sides struggled to deal with a playing surface which was clearly suffering from the hostile weather and the unset of egg chasing at Spotland.  The pitch was variously rutted like a farm track, hard as concrete or as slippery as a bobsleigh run.  

However, it was Dale who settled first.  On nine minutes good work from Atkinson on the left delivered a cross to the Daggers near post where Dagnall was lurking, he twisted, turned, found a yard and laid the ball into the path of Jones.  Roberts charged off his line and smothered Jones shot - but he could do nothing about the rebound.  Obadeyi swept in to poke the ball past him as the Dagenham defence looked on.  1-0 Dale!

Celebrations would be brief.  Just a minute later a throw out from Fielding found Stanton unprepared and Jon Nurse alert to the opportunity.  Stanton was summarily dispossed and Nurse burst into the green (brown) acres beyond.  With the defence un-picked, Nurse delivered a pin-point cross and Josh Scott had the simple task of steering the ball past a powerless Fielding.  1-1.

Dale were visibly shocked.  Dagenham pressed.  Dale struggled to keep the ball or clear their lines.  Daggenham struggled to find their shooting boots and failed to capitalise.  Dale's most convincing moment would be a fine individual effort from O'Grady to shake off his markers and flash a cross along the goal line - as Spotland breathed in, Atkinson and then Obadeyi swung and missed.  The danger passed.

As the clock wound down Dagnall tried to lob Roberts with a cute headed finish, Roberts blocked well - but only as far as O'Grady.  His lofted attempt was turned aside by an alert Scott Doe.  In the dying moments Jones lashed the ball goalwards from distance, Roberts fumbled the block and the ball deflected towards the top corner.  To Roberts pantomimed relief, it flew over the bar.

And that was that - half time - now then, where has Stuart Hall gone?

All I can say is that for a older gentleman, he has an impressive turn of speed.  By the time I had got my headphones off, he was disappearing in the direction of the players lounge.  Foiled.  Not to worry, I can get him at full time.

The second half began in the same vein as much of the first - pretty inconclusive.  Dagenham were probably getting slightly the better of things as Dale stuck to attempting long ball's into O'Grady - however, the introduction of Higginbotham just before the hour saw Dale attempting to get the ball down.  It seemed to have borne immediate dividends when Higginbotham squirmed through the attentions of McCrorry and set up Dagnall - but Dagnall could only fire over.

Dagenham were far from out of things though.  As the stalemate continued they continued to probe and a mix up between Dawson and Fielding almost allowed Thomas to pounce.  Moment later Fielding was put seriously to the test by Scott's top corner bound drive - at full stretch he just managed to tip it wide.

Higginbotham once again weaved a path through the Daggers back line - this time setting up O'Grady, but his tame effort went well wide.  Chris Dagnall's afternoon of frustration continued when he latched onto Ogogo's half clearance and lashed a snap volley goalbound - only to see it creep just wide of the post.

By now Andy Haworth had joined the action for Dale and his freshness and skill seemed to finally break the Daggers.  Within minutes of his arrival - Dale were back in the lead.  A tidy passing sequence starting with Haworth found Gary Jones in acres of space in the middle of the park, 25 yards from goal.  A touch, a quick look and Jones passed it into the bottom corner.  Roberts scratched his head in showy disbelief as wild celebrations ensued on and off the field.  Welcome back Jonah.  2-1 Dale!

As the minutes ticked away Dagenham pressed forward - but Dale didn't extend them the same charity as they had in the first half and deep into injury time they struck again.  A threaded pass from Higginbotham released Dagnall and stranded the whole Daggers squad upfield.  Dagnall hared into the wide open spaces, tried to take it round Roberts, over cooked it, recovered, got his bearings and slid the ball into the path of O'Grady.  From two yards, O'Grady did the honours.  3-1 Dale!

...and so it ended.  Perhaps the last of El Classicos.  Now, where is Stuart Hall?
         

Speak Your Brains   

Your cast for today: Mr. Spencer, Mr. Spencer the elder, Mr. Spencer the younger, Mr. Spencer the soldier, Mr. Evans, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, Young Claude, Mr. Keane, Mr. Mitchell, Mr. Turner, Mr. Rigby, Mr. Culshaw, Coat Dave, Me - and dozens of other folks whose names I didn't ask or can't remember.  It was a busy night.

• Dale stay top, five points clear, with a game in hand.  Dagenham go thirteenth and our guests were delighted to be 'top of the bottom'.
• Mr. Hargreaves, our studio anchor for the game, out-did himself today.  He has manufactured a jingle out of my name using the Singing in the Rain crowd pleaser 'Good Morning'.  Richard Eden-Good Morning, Good Mooorning... Most diverting.
• Nathan Staton recieved the customary 90 minutes of abuse about his weight problem (?) from Mr. Spencer the elder.  He was happy - and that was the main thing.  I observed Mr. Stanton receiving a comforting hug from Mr. Flitcroft as he left the field.  He has feelings as well you know.
• A good first ten and a good last ten from Dale.  The rest was pretty even and but for a bit of luck and better finishing, the Daggers could have sneaked it.  Well just perhaps.
• How unlucky was Chris Dagnall?  His day will come.
• How good was Andy Haworth?  Haworthinho for my money.
• Mr. Spencer was obliged to sign his match program and give it to a group of young ladies who were convinced he was in Eastenders.
• Mr. Keane made a prediction.  4th April 2010.  I'm not going to say it out loud - I don't want to hex it.  But you know what I mean...
• Mr. Evans believes that Dale's rise in form can be attributed directly to Dagenham's arrival in the Football League.  That said, he did correctly predict the score at 10am this morning.  Perhaps it is Mr. Evans uncanny mind powers that have been steering Dale these last three season's? 
• If this is the last El Classico - I will miss it.  League One or El Classico?  There ain't no pleasing me.
• Stuart Hall once again escaped.  He's a wiley one.  I'll give him that.  

El Banditos

Rola Cola Sponsored English League 2

Dagenham and Redbridge FC 1-2 Rochdale AFC

Journey

Football is built on great rivalries: Manchester United and Liverpool, Real Madrid and Barcelona, Mansfield and Chesterfield (I'm not massively keen on Chesterfield myself).  These encounters are usually characterised by a special variety of venemous passion from the fans.  The term 'friendly rivalry' in football is rarely used and when it is, it comes from the same stable as being called 'pal' after you have just jogged a blokes elbow when making your way to the bar.

This one is a little bit different.  It is a friendly rivalry.  Very friendly.

It began in 2007 when the Daggers made their first trip to God's Country and Messers Evans and O'Shaughnessy made the pilgrimage north.  Dale won that day.  In 2008 Mr. Keane and I made the return journey, enjoying the hospitality of Mr. Cootes' branch of Hotel Paradiso.  It was a draw.  Later in 2008 Mr. Evans and an army of Spencer's made the trip north.  To a sound track of arguing Spencer's, the Dagger's disected a disorganised Dale side.  2009 saw an expanded Rochdale contingent (including Mr. Rigby) head south for a 'NOT stag do'.  To the soudtrack of an over enthusiastic Charlton fan who had temporarily converted to the church of Dale, Rochdale snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

Win, lose or draw - these encounters have all been eagerly anticipated by the licensee trade in God's Country and the Principality of Essex.  There is a recession on you know.

08:00 hrs - God's Country - Messers Keane, Rigby, Mitchell and my good self headed south once again, Hotel Paradiso's doors are open, Licensee's in East London are rubbing their hands with glee, Dale are 3rd - the Daggers are top.  El Classico Del Sur, Es en!

Weather

Grey becoming greyer, interspersed with rain, eventually settling on - grey.  In truth the weather had perked up a bit from the heavy rain in previous days - but the changeable conditions and seemingly endless roadworks meant that progress was slow.  In spite of Mr. Mitchell pushing his wheels beyond the sound barrier near Watford Gap, we finally pitched up at Hotel Paradiso a little before 1pm.

Food

In each of our previous visits to the Principality of Essex we have eyed Brook's Pie and Mash shop from the forecourt of the Eastbrook public house (20 yards away) with studied interest.  Each year we agree that we will go in, each year the lure of London Pride bedevil's us. This year proved to be no different. 

Against the advice of Mr. Spencer I had a burger in the ground.  As with all things, Mr. Spencer had a point.

Ground

I have been subjected to most of the elements in the away end at Victoria Road - including unseasonable hail.  But not this year. Where once a rough and ready expanse of uncoverd concrete lay - a handsome modern stand reared up into the Essex sky.    A super view was had by the 300 or so Dale fans who had come down for League Two's game of the day.  It is comforting to know that Rochdale are not the only club who give up their newest, biggest and best stand - to the away fans.

News

Hokey-Cokey.  Young Mr. Stephens was despatched back down the A627 and Mr. Whaley was returned safe and sound to Delia Smith.  With Gary Jones continuing injury problems, Dale looked a little light in midfield. Then as if by magic, the shop keeper appeared.  Will Atkinson arrived from Hull on loan for a month and just a few hours later Jason Taylor - a transfer target for Mr. Hill last term - arrived from Rotherfield.  Also on a months loan. 

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Heaton

Def: Wiseman, Mc Ardle, Dawson, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Kennedy(J), Holness, Taylor, Atkinson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Taberner, Flynn, Toner, Brown, Buckley, Spencer, Higginbotham

Three loaners in the squad, a centre half in midfield and the apparrently fit Adam Rundle didn't even make the bench.  Probably not an ideal situation.

After three minutes things were very far from ideal.  Dagenham started much the brighter as Dale laboured with unfamilliar personel and unfamilliar positions.  Rochdale were simply herded into their own eighteen yard box as the Daggers drove forward.  As Dale reeled from the onslaught, Danny Green whipped a ball into the area, Rochdale defenders scattered in confusion and Peter Gain found himself with about one quarter of the pitch to himself.  His looping header floated over Heaton's dispairing flail.  1-0 Dagenham.

As I absorbed what had just happened, I turned to Mr. Rigby and told him that the goal was almost certainly his fault.  To my knowledge, Mr Rigby has never seen Rochdale win a game.  He is a jinx.  Thankfully he doesn't come very often.

Having get that off my chest, I looked down and to my left where a group of Dagenham yoof were entertaining the Rochdale fans with a selection of amusing ditties.  'WHO ARE YA!', 'WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE!', 'NORTHERN MONKEYS!' etc, etc.  What was a little suprising was that in the vanguard of the group - and leading the pointing and chanting - were Mr. Evans, Mr. O'Shaughnessy and Mr. Spercer the elder.  The sense of menace was slightly ruined by our associates smiling and waving when their youthful army were looking the other way.  Naturally, I waved back.  Kind of.

The balance of the half was horrible.  Dale barely managed a shot on goal - mostly on account of playing exclusively in their own half.  The Daggers created chance after chance to extend their lead including a half decent penalty shout, only chaotic defending from Dale somehow prevented further damage.  Dagnall did have the ball in the net for Dale - but the linesman's waving stick made any thoughts of celebration premature.

A collective sigh of relief from the Rochdale end greeted Mr. Stroud's half time whistle.  In spite of receiving a comprehensive footballing lesson, Rochdale were only one goal behind.

In the spirit of north/south bon hommie these encounters are famous for, Mr. Spencer, Mr. Spencer the younger and his colleague Claude had decided to join the Rochdale faithful at the start of the game.  This meant that I was lucky enough to recieve a detailed tactical post-mortem on Dale's first half trials from Mr. Spencer at half time.  What a treat.

Dale exchanged Mc Ardle for Buckley for the second half.  Dagenham were unimpressed and continued as they had in the first, Miller forcing a smart save from Heaton early in the half and Miller again minutes later when clean through on Heaton - thankfully he could only fire miles wide - I think it went out for a throw.

Encouragingly, the introduction of Buckley meant that Dale could actually break out of their own half.  His mazy running pushing the Daggers back for the first time in the match.  More encouragingly, Dagenham seemed to have run out of ideas.  By rights they should have been 3 or 4 to the good - but the lead was still just one goal - they looked frustrated and confused.

On the hour Higginbotham replaced Atkinson for Dale.  Minutes later the Dagenham captain, Thurgood, limped out of the game.  A minute later Dale were level.

Higginbotham picked up the ball on the right, he weaved this way and that looking for an option in the box, finding none he stepped inside and fired low towards the back post.  Roberts could only watch as the ball zipped past his outstretched fingers.  1-1!

The Dale fans barely had time to regain there seats before Rochdale took the lead.  A smartly taken corner forced Roberts into parrying the ball away from goal.  Sadly for Dagenham - straight into the path of Dawson who bundled the ball over the line.  2-1 Dale!

Dagenham were stunned.  In fairness so was I.  Dale had barely been in the game and now they were in the lead.  For the last twenty minutes Dale stroked the ball around as the Daggers toiled fruitlessly for an equaliser.  Dagenham's frustration with the bizarre reversal of fortunes boiled over late in the game when Thomas had a agricultural swipe at Dagnall.  Referee Stroud, who had put in a curiously inconsistent performance, had little doubt about producing a straight red card.

2-1 it ended.

Speak Your Brains

Your cast for today: Messers Evans, O'Shaughnessy, Chaffey, Stephenson, Claude, Keane, Mitchell, Rigby, Spencer, Spencer the younger, Cootes, Coupal - and probably a few more besides.  Oh, and me.

Last season Dale were the better side, and lost. This year Dale were awful for much of the game, and won.  It is, as Jimmy Greaves was so fond of saying, a funny old game.

Mr. Spencer offered a very detailed tactical explanation for Dale's highly unlikely victory - I feared he may be about to produce a whiteboard at one stage.  As insightful as Mr. Spencer's musings were - for once he was wrong.  The secret to Rochdale's success was Mr. Rigby putting his hood up.  Once the Rochdale players could no longer see our very own bad penny - things turned around quite nicely.

Dale's latest batch of loanee's did OK.  Atkinson has a few tricks, but looks a bit unfit.  Taylor was like a headless chicken in the first half - but turned in a better performance in the second.

Mr. Evans simply felt that Dagenham had been robbed today.  He was heard muttering darkly on several occasions on the broad theme of daylight robbery, highway men and banditry in general.  I smoothed down my moustache, adjusted my sombrero and smiled politely.

Dale go second.  Cripes.

With the incidental business of football out of the way, the serious business of supporting the local licensee trade commenced.  It's important to do your bit you know.

This is not a stag do

Dagenham and Redbridge FC 3 - 2 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

8:30 am. I am horribly confused. I had just woken up in a strange room. I could hear pans clanging. There were cooking smells. I could hear some slightly off key whistling. It took a moment or two to refocus - and then the facts begin to slot slowly into place.

I was in Mr. Cootes living room in the Principality of Essex. The whistling chef is Mr. Keane. I am here to watch the latest installment of football's least likely derby. Dagger's vs. Dale. El Clasico Del Sur.

With my wits carefully gathered, sorted and filed. I was ready to start the day. That said, those few seconds of: Where am I? What the hell is going on? had been pretty troubling. Not something I would really like to repeat any time soon - or ideally, ever.

With a hearty breakfast inside me, a mug of tea and a family size carton of orange juice drained and a crafty hour of 'resting my eyes' - we set forth for Dagenham and the Eastbrook Hotel.

Our native guides, Mr. O'Shaughnessey and Mr. Evans, duly made their appearance with a seemingly endless entourage of family and friends - almost all of whom seemed to be called Dave. More on this later.

The time before kick-off was wiled away watching West Ham see off Hartlepool in the FA Cup and making the painstaking climb from beneath the ill effects of last nights frolics in and around Romford.

If you remember the coverage of El Classico Del Norte - The Rochdale/Dagenham game earlier in the season - you may remember the small matter of a forfeit. Eels of the jellied variety. We had considered a similar prank ourselves for the return leg - probably involving tripe - but being civilised Northern folk, we decided not to engage in this kind of schoolboy one upmanship. We had however brought a secret weapon. Mr. Rigby.

Who? He's never been mentioned before. Who is Mr. Rigby?

Mr. Rigby is not a regular follower of Rochdale AFC. He is however the shadowy force behind the Littleborough Debating and Choral Society. The man behind the scenes. A shaper of the destiny's of lesser mortals. The Puppetmaster... and as his mood takes him, a casual thief of cigarette lighters.

The fact that Mr. Rigby is in Dagenham along with an ever swelling crowd of friends and well wishers (sadly not including Mr. Chaffey - because he was in the wrong pub) points to something of great significance. It is not a Stag Do.

Let me explain:

Mr. Keane is not getting married. So consequently he is having a not Stag Do. Clear? Probably not. In truth I struggle to fully comprehend it myself. Just imagine a Stag Do with no follow on nuptials. Use your imagination...

Weather:

There definitely was some - unfortunately it escaped my attention. Very cold though.

Food:

Having inconveniently forgotten to visit the Pie and Mash shop next door to the Eastbrook I had a cheese burger in the ground. At £2.50 it wasn't too bad - although I did go large on ketchup and mustard following an exploratory bite. As is now the tradition - Mr. Keane disapproved of his burger. The reasons are so numerous that I simply don't have the time to list them all.

Ground:

It is - as it is.

Action:

Kyle Lambert is the latest casualty of Mr. Hill's re-shaping of his team. Probably very disappointing for Mr. Lambert - but considering he had only made a handful of appearances in the blue and black this season - not very surprising.

Oh, and that other little matter... Nicky Adams.

Speculation was rife around the end of last season that Adams would be signing for Dale in the summer. As is now a matter of record, he signed for Leicester City instead, but having struggled to cement a place at the Crisp Bowl he has opted to join Rochdale on loan for a month, perhaps longer. This was the man every Dale fan had hoped, prayed would sign for us in the summer. The fact that 264 Rochdale fans had made the long journey south showed just how important the Dale rank and file think our new signing could be.

Perhaps sensing the level of excitement, Mr. Hill elected to pitch Adams straight into the fray - replacing Rundle on the left side of midfield. Keltie would replace Toner in the heart of midfield.

Now let me see, how does this go again? Started brightly, played some attractive stuff, conceded an early corner, woeful marking. 1-0 Dagenham - courtesy of Mark Arber. Yeah - that's how it goes. Unfortunately.

Minutes later Dagenham had the ball in the net again. Although this time our official for the day, Mr. Hooper, decided that Benson's use of Stanton as a step ladder was not really in the spirit or to the letter of the laws. Nonetheless, pretty worrying. Not a good start.

Considering this, what happened next was quite perplexing - if you are a Dagger's fan. Dagenham seemed to lose the will to press their adavantage and Dale captured the initiative. Adams and Buckley seemed to have the Dagger's hypnotized. Buckley in particular was running riot.

Around the quarter hour mark Dale won a freekick near the edge of the Dagenham area. After a rather long period of wall setting, Kennedy stepped up and bent the ball around the afore mentioned wall and into the bottom left corner. 1-1!

Relief swept over the away end. Minutes later relief would turn to undiluted joy.

On twenty minutes a move started by Buckley and involving Thompson and St. Adam delivered Adams the chance to finish from close range. He did. 2-1!

Dagenham were visibly shaken, Rochdale were rampant. However, in spite of a hatful of good chances, Dale did not extend their lead further. The Dagger's struggled manfully to force their way back into the game but got no change from the Rochdale defensive unit. Fielding in particular - in spite of looking like Plug from the Bash St. Kids - was absolutely outstanding.

All in all an excellent 45 minutes of football - I couldn't wait for the second half.

They do say be careful what you wish for. Well, they do...

So. Back to the subject of Dave's. I mentioned earlier that there were a lot of Dave's around today. I know loads of Dave's. So many in fact that they all have descriptive pre-fixes to their name to help distinguish them. Tall Dave, Big Dave, Young Dave, Halitosis Dave - you get the idea. One of the Dave's I know is simply called 'Coat Dave' - because he never takes his coat off.

Today I met a new Dave. 'Big Shouty Cocker-ney Dave'. He had been among the crowd in the Eastbrook. I mentioned earlier that 264 Dale fans had made the trip to Victoria Road. This is not quite true. There were 263 Rochdale fans - plus one 6'3'' Charlton fan booming encouragement to his newly adopted team in the thickest Cocker-ney accent I have ever heard. The Rochdale regulars looked varyingly curious or just deeply scared. As our newest fan bellowed his support for Rochdale we found ourselves in the middle of a rapidly widening circle of away fans.

The second half started well for Dale, Gary Jones smashed the ball into the foot of the post from just inside the area. All very encouraging. However, it appeared that Dagenham had done some replanning at half time - and having got clearance from Heathrow, Gatwick and Stanstead - their plan went into action. High ball's anyone?

Rochdale's original plan eroded away in the face of the ariel onslaught and before very long Dale were happily joining in the 'look how high I can kick it!' competition. This was the beginning of the end.

On 64 Adams limped off injured, to be replaced by McEvilly. To this point, and in spite of the bombardment Dale had remained fairly well organised - with the reshuffle after Adams' departure, all semblence of shape evaporated. The Rochdale midfield suddenly looked very fragile indeed - placing yet more pressure on the overworked defenders.

That said it was still a shock when the Dagger's equalised on 74. Choatic and utterly ineffectual Dale defending from a throw set-up Ritchie near the edge of the penalty area. His low drive defeated the under protected Fielding. 2-2.

Five minutes later Dagenham benefitted from the fact that the Rochdale defence had been been surreptitiously replaced by the Keystone Cops. The Dagger's Southam found their little performance heartily amusing. 3-2 Dagenham.

For the second time today I had that confused: Where am I? What the hell is going on? feeling. It really is not a nice feeling.

Rochdale produced a few good opportunities to re-level the tie including a great chance for McEvilly which required an excellent save from Tony Roberts in the Dagenham goal. But it was far too little, far too late.

In the dying moments Dagenham's Southam was dismissed after stamping on the Shaker Maker - but that didn't change the facts of the matter - 3-2 it remained. I am not ashamed to admit that I pretty well ran out of Victoria Road.

Summary:

Well, what the hell did go on?

After the first half I felt confident that there really could only be one result today. In the second half Dagenham changed tactics and Rochdale simply didn't have an effective answer. Dale just meekly tried to imitate the Dagenham approach and then fell apart altogether.

It was painful, even heartbreaking to watch. Particularly considering I would be spending the evening in the company of triumphant Dagenham fans.

Dagenham were good value for their win. As for Rochdale's performance: This is not acceptable.

Spencer Watch:

As is now the tradition (this is the second time I have done it for the Dagenham away fixture - so that counts as a tradition in my book) we turn the spotlight away from the clown prince of Spotland and focus on some of the local characters.

Last season's star, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, had a fairly lacklustre performance this time around. Mr. Evans - in spite of being an all round good egg - did not grab the headlines. We turn instead to the Messers Spencer.

Mr. Spencer the younger - A solid performance from the youngster. Bags of potential and should mature into a top quality player in years to come. Definitely one to watch.

Mr. Spencer the elder - An old head with a fund of stories and anecdotes to suit any occasion - most of which end badly, for him. A good bet for clubman of the year.

Mr. Spencer - Joined at a tricky time late in the game when things could have gone either way. He welded together a disparate gaggle of weary players and through sheer force of personality drove them onto - an excellent curry house in Barking. A midfield general. Man of the match for me.

24/1/09

Vinegar & pepper does not make it better!

Rochdale AFC 0 - 2 Dagenham and Redbridge FC

Journey:

Noon. Littleborough. Early by normal standards and in fairness my normal match day routine does not involve a diversion via Littleborough anyway.

But this is no ordinary match day. Today is the home leg of the least understood (and to be honest least likely) derby game of the League Two season. The phenomena that is - Dale vs. Daggers. El classico del norte - es en!

My little detour into Littleborough meant I could meet up with the gentlemen scholars of the Royal Borough of Dagenham as they finally made landfall in God's country. Regrettably Mr. O'Shaughnessy had not made the trip this time - a source of no small relief to the wheelie bin population of the borough, although perhaps not to the licensee trade - however, Mr. Evans in his capacity as Cultural Attache for Essex had taken time out of his world tour of England by VW camper van to make the pilgrimage north - and he had brought guests.

Mr. Evans nephew - young Mr. Spencer - had the look of a young man north of Watford for the first time in his life. But after half an hour of no-one attempting to put a ferret down his trousers he seemed to accept that we may be just like real people afterall. The balance of the Attache's entourage was made up by his two Uncle's - the Bravva's Spencer. Having been in their company for just a very few minutes it became clear that they had been engaged in an argument on the way north - and possibly for the last forty years or so. Slightly scary to start with but progressively more hysterical as the day progressed.

A brief stop off at the Sun Hotel for a little light refreshment and then onward to Spotland - with the Bravva's Spencer in my car. From the back seat I got a monologue on how watching the Daggers this season was 'just like watching Brazil' - and from the front seat a monologue on the topic of 'one way systems in the North of England' - occasionally punctuated by a fresh outbreak of good natured hostilities.

With the distractions going on in the car I missed a turning and arrived at the ground with just moments to spare. Having directed the Bravva's Spencer to their stand I had a sudden and overpowering sense that I had gone deaf.

Weather:

So after some weeks of the weather of the sub-continent gracing the hills, dales and kebab shops of eastern Lancashire - normal service was resumed. A heavy overcast accompanied by a chilly breeze with the promise of rain for later. It kept its promise.

Food:

Today I made a startling discovery. For years I have been under the impression that the pies at Spotland were Hollands. They are not. They are Clayton Park pies. Fancy that...

There was however another food story today...

The Cultural Attache for Essex had not come north empty handed. He had brought a gift. A food item symbolic of his proud, warrior people.

...Jellied eel's.

They were to be eaten as a forfeit by myself and Mr. Keane in the event that Dagenham really did play like Brazil and romped off with all three points. No pressure then.

How to describe jellied eel's - well, they smell slightly better than they look - and they smell like the Thames at low tide. We were however assured that vinegar and pepper would mitigate the worst of their 'flavour'.

Away Support:

I suspect that between the contents of myself and Mr. Keane's car's we contributed about ten percent of the Daggers following today.

Action:

So, Dale coming off the back of two straight wins and by all reports the Dagger's playing like Brazil - a mouth-watering prospect was surely in store.

Indeed it was - for about five minutes.

Dale started brightly enough - moving the ball around quite nicely and producing a couple of incisive runs from Rundle down the left. Then they simply stopped.

Dagenham were urgent and direct in their play. Dale looked lethargic and uncharacteristically clueless. Even when Dale have played badly this season you could always see that there was a plan - however badly executed. It just didn't look that way today.

Dagenham's opener typified the malaise which had afflicted the home side today. Stanton became involved in an altercation with a Dagenham player near the centre circle and came off worst - quite unlike Stanton, instead of getting back into position - he stood there indicating he should have a freekick. Mr Webb saw things differently and waved play-on. The Daggers poured through the gap and two passes later Benson drove home from close range. 1-0 Daggenham. Oh dear...

The best I can say about the balance of the first half is that at least we didn't concede any more. The highlight of the half for Dale was Sam Russell's Ronaldinho moment on the right touchline whilst evading the Daggers left winger. Very classy.

Half time was every bit as poor as the first half. Mr. Turner was once again a no-show so there were none of his crazy antics to divert our attention - this of course meant that we had spent more time watching the game than is normally the case.

What a day to have to watch the game.

'Kick it into the crowd' was a hollow sham as no-one from the crowd would come onto the pitch to take part. Even the dragon passed this time.

Mr. Mitchell has a new coat - god this really is getting desperate...

The second half. Rochdale have made something of a name for themselves as 'a second half team'. As Mr. Webb indicated the restart - a number of the Sandy faithful around me muttered knowingly about our second halfishness (is that really a word?).

Sadly, to a man - they were wrong.

If anything, things got worse. Dagenham were out competing Dale in pretty well every department. Everytime a black and blue shirt received the ball - two yellow ones were swarming all over it. Dale simply couldn't match the level of intensity Dagenham were generating - the number of Dale players caught dithering on the ball was in truth a bit embarrassing.

When Saunders set up the rather bizarrely coiffured Ritchie for the Daggers second on 68 minutes no-one could really complain. 2-0 Daggenham.

The afternoon was summed up perfectly when Dagnall eschewed a shot on the Daggers goal, instead attempting to put the ball out for a throw-in.

the four minutes of stoppage time were in my opinion cruel and unusal.

Summary:

Good points? Well there weren't many. Buckley was OK in patches. Thompson was a breath of fresh air in the last ten minutes and produced Dales three best crosses in his brief contribution. Aside of that it was pretty bleak - just like the weather. A thoroughly deserved victory for the Pride of Essex.

I can't really explain what happened today - it is just about the worst I have seen Dale perform in years. Probably best we get this kind of thing out of the system early in the season.

And so to the eels...

Like Rochdale's performance today - vinegar and pepper does not make it better - I have had worse things in my mouth, but this really is neither the time or place.

I have a feeling a portion of Lancashire's finest Tripe will be heading south with us in January.

Turner Watch:

I'm not entirely certain where Mr. Turner was during the game - probably doing something selfless and world saving as is his want. However, I know where he was after the game - well - quite a long while after the game. If you encountered a man in a super-size pink afro wig in Bar Mystique, Rochdale - you have met the man-god that is Mr. Turner.

4/10/08

A Boys Own adventure

Dagenham and Redbridge FC 1 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey:

You could have cut the excitement with a cricket stump when Mr. Keane rolled up at 07:30. The Dagenham game! Our big road trip to that London.

Quite literally minutes of planning had gone into this excursion. A tank full of diesel, digs with Mr. Cootes and a cool bag full of pig related products (for the big Sunday fry-up you understand).

After a stop off at McDonalds for scones and lashings of ginger beer we were on our way - into a torrential downpour. Were we down hearted - No! You may recall from our trip to Mansfield that Mr. Keane had usurped my crown as undisputed heavyweight queen of the '80's. To honour his coronation I had loaded the auto-changer with Top of the Pops: 1981, 83, 85, 87 & 89. You should have seen his little face... I think he was genuinely moved by the gesture.

M62, M60, M62, M6 we thundered past Stoke and then Birmingham under clear skies. After a further stop for scones and lashings of ginger beer we joined the M1 and pressed on south.

It was somewhere around here that my associate and I found ourselves dueting to 'Up where we belong' - this was swiftly broken up amidst assorted harrumphing's.

Around nine miles from the M25 we joined a traffic jam. It was at this point that something which had been a minor concern became a pressing issue. I had eaten a hearty tea of chicken, potato's and veg on Friday night - Mr. Keane had elected to entertain a chicken Vindaloo. Without being too indelicate - it kept popping back. Enclosed space - fruity aroma's. I think you get the idea. A traffic jam was by no means welcome.

With streaming eyes and the windows wide open, we crawled on towards that London. With three miles left to the M25 Mr. Keane redeemed himself in some measure by suggesting a detour. Off the M1 onto a seemingly disused dual carriageway and in next to no time we were on the M25 heading east.

Under darkening skies we arrived in Romford and after a swift intake of breath that there are parking meters on residential streets in that London: the car was berthed on Mr. Cootes drive. After a false start at Romford station we headed for the bus stop.

'Return to Dagenham East, please'.

'We don't do returns, mate'.

'Single to Dagenham East then, please'.

'I don't go to Dagenham East - you want the other side of the road, mate'.

Notwithstanding unhelpful bus drivers we finally arrived at the Eastbrook public house at 13:00. We were in 'good' company - the British National Party were holding a rally in the lounge bar.

Weather:

The run into the game was punctuated by showers and sunshine - mostly sunshine. Little could have prepared us for what happened at kick-off.

Food:

The Eastbrook is located next to a 'Pie and Mash' shop. However, in spite of our best efforts - we never quite made it. Lashings of actual beer were the order of the day.

Consequently, we headed to the Victoria Ground a little unsteadily.

The pies had run out so Mr. Keane and I opted for the burger - with cheese and fried onions. As with all food at clubs recently of the Football Conference - it was inexpensive and actually quite appetising. The coffee wasn't bad either.

Ground:

In spite of Mr. Evans apologies in advance on behalf of the Victoria Ground - I didn't think it was too bad. Covered sides and open ends. A little rough and ready - particularly the pitch: which looked a little boggy - but OK. Self evidently non-league - but better than the infamous Moss Rose.

The absence of a roof would become an issue to the 300 or so Dale fans who had made the journey south.

Action:

Mr. East of Wiltshire put the whistle to his lips - and - it hailed. Pea sized hail. For ten minutes. Followed by a further five minutes of frigid, driving rain. A genuine treat when you are in the open. The fixture at Spotland had been far from a feast of football. The opening exchanges of this encounter were little better.

Dale looked a little tired after so many games so quickly - Dagenham looked like a team in dire need of points. Unsurprisingly, Daggenham had very much the better of the game, creating a few decent chances.

The weather cleared and hopes rose that Dale would kick into gear. Sadly hope did not become reality and the Daggers direct approach prevailed.

At around this point Mr. Keane received a text from Mr. Evans:

'We cordially invite you down to our level'.

Then on 28 minutes, quite literally out of nothing the ball was plucked out of the air by Higginbotham and lashed towards goal. 1 - 0 Dale.

Granted it was against the run of play - but under the circumstances - I wasn't grumbling. Perhaps now Dale would hit their stride.

No.

Just five minutes later Stevens found a way through the Dale defence and finished with style. 1 - 1.

The half finished as a fairly open encounter with both sides finding openings. However, as the whistle blew - 1 - 1 it remained.

After the inclement conditions of the first half a number of Dale fans congregated around a handy corner for a smoke - I and Mr. Keane among them. Panic ensued as a hi-viz jacketed steward strode towards us. As you are proabably aware smoking is now forbidden in football grounds - even open ones. Therefore the stewards next move was surprising:

'I'm going over there for a moment - when I come back - you won't be doing that'.

Pragmatic law enforcement - always a winner.

In order to keep the dream of automatic promotion alive - 1-1 was of little use to Dale. In order to avoid the drop zone - 1-1 was of little use to Dagenham.

The second half would be an end to end affair.

Dale introduced Le Fondre on 50 and then Basham and Dagnall on 63 - the Daggers chose to persist with their established line up throughout.

Chances came at both ends - but the better chances came Dale's way. However, a combination of poor finishing, stern defending and excellent if eccentric keeping from Tony Roberts averted Dales intentions.

The incident of the half would be Dagenham's Arber's extended stay on the floor after a semingly innocuous collision with Le Fondre.

As Mr. East blew the whistle to close procedings - 1-1 it remained.

Summary:

Bad weather, a fatigued looking Dale and a resolute Dagenham meant that this was very much more a point gained rather than two points lost.

Not the most entertaining football match I have ever seen - but an improvement over the game at Spotland. On balance a fair and valuable result for Dale.

On the up side I shook hands with Tony Roberts in the foyer of the social club after the game. Mr. Keane managed to get within two feet of Gary Jones before he was crash tackled by Mr. Jones' security team.

Football and the licensee trade were the real winners today.

Turner Watch:

As Mr. Turner had elected not to make the trip to Dagenham - we turn our attention to local celebrity Mr. O' Shaughnessy.

O'Shaughnessy Watch:

Pitched up late, largely anonymous throughout the game, went on to form an abiding and beautiful relationship with a wheelie bin later in the evening. Disappointing.

12/04/08