Ain't no pleasing you

Rola Cola Sponsored English League Two
Rochdale AFC 3 - 1 Dagenham and Redbridge FC

Journey

The demon drink.  It has a lot to answer for.  Perhaps it was the lack of football last weekend, perhaps it was the much anticipated arrival of the gentlemen scholars of the Royal Borough of Dagenham last night, perhaps it was the prospect of another thrilling 'El Classico' encounter  - what ever it was, the celebrations became somewhat lively.  We were finally shooed out of The Sun Hotel at a little after two this morning.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have been a big problem.  A bit of a lie in, a hot bath, a drive by at McDonalds, a couple of litre's of diet cola - jobs a good 'un.  Sadly none of this was possible.  I had to present a two hour radio program at 10am - and for reasons which seemed good at the time, my guests for today would be - the gentlemen of Dagenham*.  All seven of them.  Complete with rampant hangovers and a special variety of tetchiness which comes of getting less than five hours sleep.

I won't dwell too deeply on what unfolded, but a Saturday morning sports program basically turned into an unholy marriage of TISWAS and Eastenders.  For about an hour that is - after which as hangovers and tiredness took their toll, things really began to unravel.  I most sincerely apologise to my guests for the bit where I appeared to briefly doze off and then re-join the conversation at a point they had departed some moments previously.  The explanation was simple - I had briefly dozed off. The arrival of the news at noon was a mercy for all involved.

To the strains of Chas and Dave's timeless classic 'Ain't no pleasing you' we abandoned the studio to the undiluted relief of the listening public.

A hot bath, a nap, a McDonalds drive by and a litre of diet cola later I was vaguely awake and making my way to my commentary position.  At which point, I had to double check that I was actually awake.  In the seat behind mine was - Stuart Hall, quietly preparing himself for an afternoon's work.  What a pro!  I doubt I could have got myself ready with a large grinning oaf gawping at me.  To me, the man is little short of a living legend - as I was weighing up how much of an idiot I might look if I asked for his autograph - Mr. Culshaw arrived.  He was very excited.  His beloved Toffee's had pulled of a little miracle - Stretford Casuals had been put to the sword to the tune of 3-1.  The moment had passed - Stuart Hall would have to wait.

*Safety tip: never mention the 'and Redbridge' thing to a Dagenham fan.  I narrowly escaped with just a severe ticking off - for others it could be so much worse.  The story is complicated - but 'cuckoo in the nest' covers the main thrust of the issue.

Weather  

Blue sky, bright sunshine and the mercury never got out of the bulb.  Freezing.

Food   

At the last El Classico Del Norte, I was presented with a cultural gift by the Principality of Essex' Cultural Attache, Mr. Evans.  Eel's in jelly.  Thoroughly revolting.  This year he upped the anty - a jar of rollmops.  How to describe rollmops?  Picture the contents of a sealion's stomach preserved in brine and you are somewhere close.  I have put the jar on my car's dashboard to deter potential thieves.

Away Support 

Allow me to introduce the full Dagenham squad:  Mr. Evans, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, Mr. Spencer, Mr. Spencer the elder, Mr. Spencer the younger, Mr. Spencer the soldier and young Claude.  Along with about forty other extra's from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - that was your lot.  I gather a day of mourning has been declared in the Eastend for Bradley Branning.   

News

Notts County Enders-Street-Farm - sold for a quid.  Sven last seen heading for the airport.  If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny.

Dale win an award for being like really nice n' that.  Family Excellence Award for 2009/10 and they are also shortlisted for Family Club Of The Year.  With a little luck the award should have some company in the trophy cabinet soon enough.

Promising Dale youngster Chris Brown nominated for Apprentice Of The Year and sign's professional terms at Dale.  Best of luck young un.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Fielding

Def: Wiseman, Dawson, Stanton, Kennedy(T)

Mid: Obadeyi, Taylor, Jones, Atkinson

For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Arthur, McArdle, Flynn, Toner, Kennedy(J), Haworth, Higginbotham

El Classicos.  The Dale vs. Dagenham derby game.  The history of this jewel in the League Two calendar is short but keenly contested.  Since that first meeting in November 2007 (a win for Dale courtesy of a Dagenham own goal) this tie has served up a close draw, two defeats and a highly improbable win for Dale.  That win was all the more unlikely because the Daggers were top of the table going into that day last November.  Since then Dale have climbed into nose bleed territory and Dagenham have slipped into mid-table.  This contrast in fortunes provoked a troubling thought: after three seasons of friendly rivalry, horrible food gifts and an occasional cup of beer, this could be the last El Classico.

With Jones back in the side for Dale, Thompson relegated to the stands, the sun shining brightly and the gentlemen of Dagenham sitting in a row, tight on the touchline, like a bunch of elderly French ladies waiting for the guillotine to fall - what could well be the end of an era got underway.

The opening exchanges were muted as both sides struggled to deal with a playing surface which was clearly suffering from the hostile weather and the unset of egg chasing at Spotland.  The pitch was variously rutted like a farm track, hard as concrete or as slippery as a bobsleigh run.  

However, it was Dale who settled first.  On nine minutes good work from Atkinson on the left delivered a cross to the Daggers near post where Dagnall was lurking, he twisted, turned, found a yard and laid the ball into the path of Jones.  Roberts charged off his line and smothered Jones shot - but he could do nothing about the rebound.  Obadeyi swept in to poke the ball past him as the Dagenham defence looked on.  1-0 Dale!

Celebrations would be brief.  Just a minute later a throw out from Fielding found Stanton unprepared and Jon Nurse alert to the opportunity.  Stanton was summarily dispossed and Nurse burst into the green (brown) acres beyond.  With the defence un-picked, Nurse delivered a pin-point cross and Josh Scott had the simple task of steering the ball past a powerless Fielding.  1-1.

Dale were visibly shocked.  Dagenham pressed.  Dale struggled to keep the ball or clear their lines.  Daggenham struggled to find their shooting boots and failed to capitalise.  Dale's most convincing moment would be a fine individual effort from O'Grady to shake off his markers and flash a cross along the goal line - as Spotland breathed in, Atkinson and then Obadeyi swung and missed.  The danger passed.

As the clock wound down Dagnall tried to lob Roberts with a cute headed finish, Roberts blocked well - but only as far as O'Grady.  His lofted attempt was turned aside by an alert Scott Doe.  In the dying moments Jones lashed the ball goalwards from distance, Roberts fumbled the block and the ball deflected towards the top corner.  To Roberts pantomimed relief, it flew over the bar.

And that was that - half time - now then, where has Stuart Hall gone?

All I can say is that for a older gentleman, he has an impressive turn of speed.  By the time I had got my headphones off, he was disappearing in the direction of the players lounge.  Foiled.  Not to worry, I can get him at full time.

The second half began in the same vein as much of the first - pretty inconclusive.  Dagenham were probably getting slightly the better of things as Dale stuck to attempting long ball's into O'Grady - however, the introduction of Higginbotham just before the hour saw Dale attempting to get the ball down.  It seemed to have borne immediate dividends when Higginbotham squirmed through the attentions of McCrorry and set up Dagnall - but Dagnall could only fire over.

Dagenham were far from out of things though.  As the stalemate continued they continued to probe and a mix up between Dawson and Fielding almost allowed Thomas to pounce.  Moment later Fielding was put seriously to the test by Scott's top corner bound drive - at full stretch he just managed to tip it wide.

Higginbotham once again weaved a path through the Daggers back line - this time setting up O'Grady, but his tame effort went well wide.  Chris Dagnall's afternoon of frustration continued when he latched onto Ogogo's half clearance and lashed a snap volley goalbound - only to see it creep just wide of the post.

By now Andy Haworth had joined the action for Dale and his freshness and skill seemed to finally break the Daggers.  Within minutes of his arrival - Dale were back in the lead.  A tidy passing sequence starting with Haworth found Gary Jones in acres of space in the middle of the park, 25 yards from goal.  A touch, a quick look and Jones passed it into the bottom corner.  Roberts scratched his head in showy disbelief as wild celebrations ensued on and off the field.  Welcome back Jonah.  2-1 Dale!

As the minutes ticked away Dagenham pressed forward - but Dale didn't extend them the same charity as they had in the first half and deep into injury time they struck again.  A threaded pass from Higginbotham released Dagnall and stranded the whole Daggers squad upfield.  Dagnall hared into the wide open spaces, tried to take it round Roberts, over cooked it, recovered, got his bearings and slid the ball into the path of O'Grady.  From two yards, O'Grady did the honours.  3-1 Dale!

...and so it ended.  Perhaps the last of El Classicos.  Now, where is Stuart Hall?
         

Speak Your Brains   

Your cast for today: Mr. Spencer, Mr. Spencer the elder, Mr. Spencer the younger, Mr. Spencer the soldier, Mr. Evans, Mr. O'Shaughnessy, Young Claude, Mr. Keane, Mr. Mitchell, Mr. Turner, Mr. Rigby, Mr. Culshaw, Coat Dave, Me - and dozens of other folks whose names I didn't ask or can't remember.  It was a busy night.

• Dale stay top, five points clear, with a game in hand.  Dagenham go thirteenth and our guests were delighted to be 'top of the bottom'.
• Mr. Hargreaves, our studio anchor for the game, out-did himself today.  He has manufactured a jingle out of my name using the Singing in the Rain crowd pleaser 'Good Morning'.  Richard Eden-Good Morning, Good Mooorning... Most diverting.
• Nathan Staton recieved the customary 90 minutes of abuse about his weight problem (?) from Mr. Spencer the elder.  He was happy - and that was the main thing.  I observed Mr. Stanton receiving a comforting hug from Mr. Flitcroft as he left the field.  He has feelings as well you know.
• A good first ten and a good last ten from Dale.  The rest was pretty even and but for a bit of luck and better finishing, the Daggers could have sneaked it.  Well just perhaps.
• How unlucky was Chris Dagnall?  His day will come.
• How good was Andy Haworth?  Haworthinho for my money.
• Mr. Spencer was obliged to sign his match program and give it to a group of young ladies who were convinced he was in Eastenders.
• Mr. Keane made a prediction.  4th April 2010.  I'm not going to say it out loud - I don't want to hex it.  But you know what I mean...
• Mr. Evans believes that Dale's rise in form can be attributed directly to Dagenham's arrival in the Football League.  That said, he did correctly predict the score at 10am this morning.  Perhaps it is Mr. Evans uncanny mind powers that have been steering Dale these last three season's? 
• If this is the last El Classico - I will miss it.  League One or El Classico?  There ain't no pleasing me.
• Stuart Hall once again escaped.  He's a wiley one.  I'll give him that.