Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2Rochdale AFC 0 - 1 Cheltenham Town FC
Journey
A new job means a new journey – gone is the trip back from Wigan and all the joys that held – now I have to get to Rochdale from central Manchester. On the face of it – a shorter trip, without any motorways to blight my progress – however, I hadn’t figured on the number 17 bus.
Any attempt to get past it was thwarted by oncoming traffic or some fancy wheel work from the driver of said bus – he was throwing that big boy around like a sports car. In short – it took yonks to get to Spotland – and for every inch of that journey I would be kept company by Iggy Pop, grinning impishly from the back of said bus, whilst trying to sell me car insurance.
Iggy – you’ve changed man.
Iggy Pop selling car insurance, Johnny Rotten selling butter – what next? David Johansen selling Oil of Olay? Morrissey selling Shake n Vac? It just doesn’t seem right. Give it fifteen years and Marilyn Manson will be cheerfully encouraging you to eat at Burger King – probably with a fake family including a shiny wife and impossibly perfect, blonde children. Mark my words – it will happen.
Having finally shaken the 17 and Iggy’s mercantile motives I arrived at Spotland at quarter to seven. A brisk walk up to the ground, past the club shop (they have replaced the counter assistant with a tailors dummy – no-one seems to have noticed) and onward to reception. I strolled up to the counter and gave my name. The young lady behind the counter appeared to be choking. I had a horrible premonition – surely Mr. Ashworth hadn’t… Oh yes he had. My press pass was addressed to ‘Mr. Gardenov-Eden’. The young lady had by now regained her composure and said, ‘this is going to go on all season isn’t it?’
Depressingly, I think she might be right. Contemplating some foul revenge I made my way to the commentary box.
Weather
Ah, to be in God’s Country on a summer’s eve! I should have taken a picture.
Food
MEAT AND POTATO PIE! Believe it or not – I have been pie free since Dale’s last home game – in May! Tonight I not only fell off the wagon, I did so whilst performing a metaphorical cart-wheel (although why the cartwheel is metaphorical and the wagon isn’t, I honestly don’t know) – I had two of the little beauties.
Now the season has really started.
Away Support
Once again the Football League’s fixture computer has played a blinder*. The good folk of Gloucestershire being granted the chance of a ten hour round trip ‘oop Narth’ – on a Tuesday night. Unsurprisingly, only about 50 bothered.
* Well they say computer, I have it on good authority that the fixtures are actually sorted out by a retired geography teacher who believes he is possessed by Aleister Crowley – he’s called Frank and lives in a caravan near Cromer - a man in the pub told me, so it must be true.
News
After wild eyed panic amongst the Dale faithful at the weekend – there was stuff on the message boards and everything – Desmond the Dragon has reappeared after his mystery absence. As he is a Dragon, my guess is that he was off befriending young ladies who had been chained to trees in the Huddersfield area – I gather that sort of thing is still quite common there abouts.
Marcus Holness – show tunes? It seems an unlikely combination, but it just might explain our Marcus’s new Mr. T-esque barnet. I was browsing the internet at lunchtime today and found a write-up for ‘A-Team: The Musical’. Naturally I wish Marcus every success where ever this new career path may take him. The eagle eyed amongst you will have spotted that this has been a very slow news week.
Action
Your team for tonight:
GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Rundle
For: Dagnall, Buckley
Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Brown, Stevens, Spencer, Shaw, Higginbotham
Saturday had all gone rather swimmingly really – Dale had played well, despite the early departure of Stanton and had held an admittedly slightly leaden Aldershot quite comfortably for 75 minutes.
Then there had been that penalty. Well, it was a penalty – cos the ref said… But… Well just but.
In any case Dale romped off with the points and the job was a good un. So onward to tonight. With only Stanton sitting the game out (I saw him prowling the touchline like some angry carnivore during the warm-up) Dale made one change bringing in Mr. Musical Theatre, Marcus Holness, at centre-half.
Dale were apparently still dreaming of last minute victories when Cheltenham had a great chance to open the scoring in the opening minutes. Elvis Hammond (uh-huh) lashed an effort at Arthur who fumbled leaving a chance for all 7’ of Denton to sweep in and apply the finish.
Thankfully for Dale, Denton couldn’t winch his limbs out fast enough and the danger passed. With the initial scare out of the way Dale began to pass the ball around and create chances of their own. Buckley fired wide from a Thompson cross and Dawson seemed to have the ball in the net - only for the linesman to produce his waving stick. Cheltenham struck back with a dipping thunderbolt from Bozanic which had Arthur at full stretch - and then the coulda, shoulda, woulda moment for Dale arrived.
A sweet cross from Rundle, Dagnall six yards out, Brown in the Cheltenham goal with eyes closed and praying for divine intervention – and then the ball arrived in the Pearl Street Stand. I was looking for a tear in the netting, but there was none. Daggers had simply missed it. How very odd.
Minutes later Cheltenham’s Justin Richards slipped through the despairing lunge of Matt Flynn and bent the ball around Arthur – only to hit the outside of the goal frame. The half concluded with a rasping drive just north of the bar from Jones which had been set up initially by Dawson picking out Rundle from 50 yards away. It really is a rather good trick and it means that Mr. Culshaw gets to say ‘50 yard pinpoint pass’ more times in one game than he usually does in a season. It seems to keep him happy anyway.
Mr. Golden Gamble did his stuff – people looked vaguely disinterested – a lady from Preston won a signed match shirt - done. With his duties duly despatched the Golden One got down to his favoured halftime pusuit of divot stamping. There is something quite comforting about watching Mr. Golden Gamble’s half time gardening excursions – mostly because it means that we are not obliged to suffer the cross bar challenge.
Dale had been allowed a lot of room in the first period – a lot of room. At times Cheltenham would have been delighted to describe themselves as chasing shadows while Dale weaved their pretty patterns.
The second half began in much the same vein – Rundle creating a couple of great early efforts. However, it seemed words had been had in the Robins dressing room at half time. In fact they carried on through the second half as Cheltenham manager, Martin Allen, put on a passable impression of Godzilla in his technical area. Cheltenham got tighter and Dale found the going tougher. There were still chances for Dale – a great attempt at full stretch from Thompson being the pick – but Cheltenham were right back in it now.
Only a piece of comically bad finishing from Denton when one-on-one with Arthur stopped the Robins taking the lead. Shortly after Denton’s scuff with roly-poly dismount, Godzilla decided he had seen enough and subbed him for Barry Hayles. Hayles took little time to lash an effort just wide of the post – before reminding his youthful strike partner, Elvis Hammond (Uh thankyu ver much) , that he had fought a war for his sort.
As is the tradition, Dale took off Rundle who had done nothing wrong – instead of Thompson who had done little of note, and brought on Scott Spencer. With ten minutes to go, Elvis Hammond left the building to be replaced by the well upholstered form of Julian Alsop.
I sat and waited for time to run down and for Dale to collect their point. Drissa Diallo had a sit down, tied his laces, pulled up his socks, read the paper and did the crossword – for which Mr. Haines produced a yellow card.
With both sets of players seemingly a bit disinterested and the fans thoughts turning to a long trip home or a chippy tea – Holness got himself caught in possession by Hayles. The old master brushed Holness aside and ploughed on towards the unprotected Rochdale goal – switching the ball to the lolloping form of Alsop who shinned the ball past a flailing Kenny Arthur. 1-0 Cheltenham.
Away Support
Once again the Football League’s fixture computer has played a blinder*. The good folk of Gloucestershire being granted the chance of a ten hour round trip ‘oop Narth’ – on a Tuesday night. Unsurprisingly, only about 50 bothered.
* Well they say computer, I have it on good authority that the fixtures are actually sorted out by a retired geography teacher who believes he is possessed by Aleister Crowley – he’s called Frank and lives in a caravan near Cromer - a man in the pub told me, so it must be true.
News
After wild eyed panic amongst the Dale faithful at the weekend – there was stuff on the message boards and everything – Desmond the Dragon has reappeared after his mystery absence. As he is a Dragon, my guess is that he was off befriending young ladies who had been chained to trees in the Huddersfield area – I gather that sort of thing is still quite common there abouts.
Marcus Holness – show tunes? It seems an unlikely combination, but it just might explain our Marcus’s new Mr. T-esque barnet. I was browsing the internet at lunchtime today and found a write-up for ‘A-Team: The Musical’. Naturally I wish Marcus every success where ever this new career path may take him. The eagle eyed amongst you will have spotted that this has been a very slow news week.
Action
Your team for tonight:
GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Rundle
For: Dagnall, Buckley
Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Brown, Stevens, Spencer, Shaw, Higginbotham
Saturday had all gone rather swimmingly really – Dale had played well, despite the early departure of Stanton and had held an admittedly slightly leaden Aldershot quite comfortably for 75 minutes.
Then there had been that penalty. Well, it was a penalty – cos the ref said… But… Well just but.
In any case Dale romped off with the points and the job was a good un. So onward to tonight. With only Stanton sitting the game out (I saw him prowling the touchline like some angry carnivore during the warm-up) Dale made one change bringing in Mr. Musical Theatre, Marcus Holness, at centre-half.
Dale were apparently still dreaming of last minute victories when Cheltenham had a great chance to open the scoring in the opening minutes. Elvis Hammond (uh-huh) lashed an effort at Arthur who fumbled leaving a chance for all 7’ of Denton to sweep in and apply the finish.
Thankfully for Dale, Denton couldn’t winch his limbs out fast enough and the danger passed. With the initial scare out of the way Dale began to pass the ball around and create chances of their own. Buckley fired wide from a Thompson cross and Dawson seemed to have the ball in the net - only for the linesman to produce his waving stick. Cheltenham struck back with a dipping thunderbolt from Bozanic which had Arthur at full stretch - and then the coulda, shoulda, woulda moment for Dale arrived.
A sweet cross from Rundle, Dagnall six yards out, Brown in the Cheltenham goal with eyes closed and praying for divine intervention – and then the ball arrived in the Pearl Street Stand. I was looking for a tear in the netting, but there was none. Daggers had simply missed it. How very odd.
Minutes later Cheltenham’s Justin Richards slipped through the despairing lunge of Matt Flynn and bent the ball around Arthur – only to hit the outside of the goal frame. The half concluded with a rasping drive just north of the bar from Jones which had been set up initially by Dawson picking out Rundle from 50 yards away. It really is a rather good trick and it means that Mr. Culshaw gets to say ‘50 yard pinpoint pass’ more times in one game than he usually does in a season. It seems to keep him happy anyway.
Mr. Golden Gamble did his stuff – people looked vaguely disinterested – a lady from Preston won a signed match shirt - done. With his duties duly despatched the Golden One got down to his favoured halftime pusuit of divot stamping. There is something quite comforting about watching Mr. Golden Gamble’s half time gardening excursions – mostly because it means that we are not obliged to suffer the cross bar challenge.
Dale had been allowed a lot of room in the first period – a lot of room. At times Cheltenham would have been delighted to describe themselves as chasing shadows while Dale weaved their pretty patterns.
The second half began in much the same vein – Rundle creating a couple of great early efforts. However, it seemed words had been had in the Robins dressing room at half time. In fact they carried on through the second half as Cheltenham manager, Martin Allen, put on a passable impression of Godzilla in his technical area. Cheltenham got tighter and Dale found the going tougher. There were still chances for Dale – a great attempt at full stretch from Thompson being the pick – but Cheltenham were right back in it now.
Only a piece of comically bad finishing from Denton when one-on-one with Arthur stopped the Robins taking the lead. Shortly after Denton’s scuff with roly-poly dismount, Godzilla decided he had seen enough and subbed him for Barry Hayles. Hayles took little time to lash an effort just wide of the post – before reminding his youthful strike partner, Elvis Hammond (Uh thankyu ver much) , that he had fought a war for his sort.
As is the tradition, Dale took off Rundle who had done nothing wrong – instead of Thompson who had done little of note, and brought on Scott Spencer. With ten minutes to go, Elvis Hammond left the building to be replaced by the well upholstered form of Julian Alsop.
I sat and waited for time to run down and for Dale to collect their point. Drissa Diallo had a sit down, tied his laces, pulled up his socks, read the paper and did the crossword – for which Mr. Haines produced a yellow card.
With both sets of players seemingly a bit disinterested and the fans thoughts turning to a long trip home or a chippy tea – Holness got himself caught in possession by Hayles. The old master brushed Holness aside and ploughed on towards the unprotected Rochdale goal – switching the ball to the lolloping form of Alsop who shinned the ball past a flailing Kenny Arthur. 1-0 Cheltenham.
Mr. Haines added on five minutes – Godzilla went berserk – Dale couldn’t find a way through. 1-0 it stayed.
Speak your brains
OK, I launched this section as ‘In the Ratcliffe’ – however it dawned on me that it won’t really work for away games, or if no-one turned up, or if I take the hump and go straight home after the game; unless of course I change the title every time – which would be a load of mither I don’t need. So, Speak your brains it is.
Tonight’s cast: Myself, Mr. Keane and Keane jnr.
Speak your brains
OK, I launched this section as ‘In the Ratcliffe’ – however it dawned on me that it won’t really work for away games, or if no-one turned up, or if I take the hump and go straight home after the game; unless of course I change the title every time – which would be a load of mither I don’t need. So, Speak your brains it is.
Tonight’s cast: Myself, Mr. Keane and Keane jnr.
Very entertaining, good football from Dale – a great game to watch.
Dale should have had it wrapped up comfortably in the first half.
Daggers - Daggers - Daggers. Why!
Denton’s roly-poly was pure genius – especially when he appealed to the Mr. Haines for a penalty!
Has Adam Rundle ‘keyed’ Keith Hill’s car or something?
Scott Spencer is in fact - The Flash. With the possible exception of my good self moving towards the pie queue – he is the fastest thing anyone has seen at Spotland for years.
89 minutes of comfortably pitying the fool from Holness – and then… Oh, dear. Did anyone see Hayles slip Holness a glass of milk?
However, the most eloquent reaction to tonight’s game came from Keane jnr. :
‘I’m gobsmacked!’.
Posts
2 comments:
If only we could limit Junior to such succinct comments, I think you did well to pick that one out of the usual torrent of nonsense, mind you, he is my son, so I guess you've had plenty of practise.
Not having been to Spotland since Southport were in Division 4, this article almost made me want to return.
Almost.....
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