Monday 31 August 2009

Neighbours

Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rochdale AFC 3 - 0 Bury AFC

Journey

Consider if you will two boys. One slightly older than the other. They grew up just down the road from one another. They went to similar schools. They had the same friends and played the same games. In most respects there really was no difference between them.

But, as they grew up the older boy became the kind of son every mother talks her neighbours ears off about. Achievement followed achievement, award followed award. Nothing seemed beyond his grasp. The younger boy took a very different path. His mum wished he had made more of himself, he had had the chances - he just never took them . He lived his whole life just round the corner from the house he was born in.

Then fate intervened. The glittering career of the older boy was rocked by misfortune and mismanagement - his dazzling past achievements became long distant memories. In his significantly reduced circumstances he was obliged to move in next door but one to the younger boy.

How he hated it. Every time he saw his childhood friend it reminded him just how far he had fallen from grace. He consoled himself that in spite of the fact that they lived on the same street and did much the same job for similar wages now - he was still better than him. He would always be better than him.

Funny what you think about on your way up Roch Valley Way isn't it? Mind you, coming up with massively over elaborate analogies for Rochdale and Bury distracted my attention from the horrible weather and the amateurish driving of my fellow road users.

Last week I reflected that Mr. Ashworth was pretty much out of ideas with the 'funny names' thing he has had going on this season. I was wrong. This week he just didn't leave me a pass at all. He's a wiley old fox.

On the way out of reception I bumped into Playboy Dan - and he was not alone. Accompanying him was the force of nature that is - Mr. Turner. Attending his first game of the season, Mr Turner was his typically bullish self - 2-1 for Dale was his prediction. On exactly what basis he was saying this was anyone's guess.

I pressed onward. A swift pint in the Ratcliffe with Mr. Keane and Keane jnr. - where Mr. Keane kept up his tradition of hob-nobbing with Bury fans. Chatting to Mr. Hobson and his dad - two of Mr. Keane's Shaker pals - I got the feeling that they weren't that confident today. Perhaps 'Mystic Turner' was onto something.

Weather

A good deal of mirth has been expended on the subject of Rochdale Council putting up Christmas decorations in August - it was on BBC news and everything. There was nothing festive about the weather today though. A morning of driving rain subsided into a heavy overcast punctuated by drizzel with occasional random bursts of sunshine.

Food

Due to an assortment of technical things to do with the broadcasting equipment I went pieless once again. It's a tough life in the media you know. However, during my brief meeting with playboy Dan earlier I learned that he had just polished of a three course meal in the directors lounge and would be watching the game from the executive seats. You've either got it or you haven't. I think Playboy got my share.

Away Support

Lots. But not nearly as many as recent years. Maybe 2000. The Shaker massive spent the majority of the game venting their spleen on Tom Kennedy - for his greivous sin of leaving Bury to join Rochdale. Every time Kennedy recieved the ball, boos and howls of derision went up from the Wilbutt's Lane stand. Still, there was no danger that this rough handling would backfire on the Bury faithful. No danger at all.

News

Not to be outdone by Notts County's capture of Sol Campbell during the week - Dale also signed a new face. Well not that new. Von Trapp family look-e-like-e, Matt Flyn's loan move from Macc has been made permanent, following a trio of good performances in Dale colours. In other news, Jon Shaw has disappeared - again. Reports in the media suggesting he has gone on loan to Barrow. However, a Rochdale insider revealed to May Contain Football that Shaw has actually been loaned to Rochdale Council - as a barrow.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Buckley
For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Stanton, Rundle, Stevens, Spencer, Higginbotham

One change today - Holness in, Stanton out. Stanton was far from convincing at the Don Valley Stadium and takes more than a small slice of the blame for Rotherham's first goal. That said, bringing in Holness is not without risk - his lapse of concentration against Cheltenham turned a fairly safe point into a big fat zero. Facing one of League Two's better strike forces this afternoon would mean that Rochdale's answer to Mr. T would need to have his wits about him.

With 'I predict a riot' blasting out over the tannoy, the players took the field. On the dot of 3pm Mr. Stroud got things underway.

The first half was hugely energetic - both sides throwing themselves into the contest. The problem was that for all the effort being expended neither side produced a single serious effort on goal. Holness & Dawson for Dale and Sodje & Futcher for Bury had the strikers well and truly under control.

It was entertaining stuff - including the rather comical 'storming of the Sandy' by a group of Bury fans - but as half-time descended it seemed that a mistake or a piece of massive good fortune would be required to break the deadlock.

Quite what the half-time talk in the Dale dressing room consisted of is naturally a mystery. Whatever it was, it seemed to do the trick though. Dale poured forward and the Shakers defence, so solid in the first half - started to look beatable.

Dagnall sliced through the bewildered Bury rearguard in the opening minutes only to be denied by a fine save from Brown. Just when it seemed that Bury had weathered the storm Buckley popped up on the Rochdale left. A burst of pace found him with just enough room to deliver a cross which flashed into the area and found Joe Thompson. Thompson's resulting effort picked up a fairly serious deflection off a Bury defenders arm and as claims for a penalty roared forth from the Sandy the ball zipped past the completely wrong footed Brown - and nestled in the back of the net. 1-0 Dale!

Bury made changes. Lowe and Robertson made way for Bishop and Morrell. The Shakers were wounded - but with Bishop and Morrell on the field they had every chance to make good the damage. The problem was they really weren't getting the opportunity.

Dale continued to press. Moments after the goal Buckley wandered through an alarmingly static Shakers back line only to be denied from close range by yet another excellent save from Brown. Minutes later Kennedy(T) launched a raking pass forward and into the path of Chris Dagnall. As Ben Futcher vainly appealed for off-side, Dagnall was away. Without another Bury man in sight Dagnall bore down on Brown - waiting, waiting for the keeper to commit. The moment he did, Dagnall lifted the ball over him. 2-0 Dale!

I will not dwell on Dagnall's 'Nobby Stiles' dance routine on the touchline near the Sandy.

2-0 up and less than twenty minutes to go - this really could be the day I finally see Rochdale beat Bury.

Minutes later the game was wrapped up. Buckley was 'bounced' by Scott in the Bury area and Mr. Stroud felt he had no alternative but to indicate the penalty spot. Then something very odd happened. A slight figure strode forward, picked up the ball and placed it firmly on the spot. It was Tom Kennedy. Kennedy could (and possibly should) have taken the penalty against Bury last year - however considering he still lives in Bury, he had decided to pass then. Today there were no such doubts. After 80 minutes of unremitting abuse from the Bury faithful - Kennedy made his reply. It was just about the most unstoppable penalty I have ever seen - top right corner - 3-0 Dale!

Wheeling away from the spot Kennedy raised his hand to his ear and ran along the touchline in front of the Bury fans. The Shakers threw programs, one ran onto the pitch - and then ran back when he realised he was on his own. The Dale fans sang, 'He's not a Bucket anymore!' - I guess he really isn't after that. Kennedy justly got a yellow card for his labours.

The game played out with Dale pressing forward for yet another, a carnival going on in the Sandy, a conga snaking round the Pearl Street and a discreet flow of people out of the Wilbutts. 3-0 it ended - I saw it with my own eyes. Magic.

Speak your brains

Your cast for today: Myself, Mr. Keane, Keane jnr., Mr. Mitchell, Coat Dave, Mr. Turner and some random Leeds fans who had watched the game today because Leeds were playing away.
  • Why have Bury decided to use a Star Trek comm badge as their club crest?
  • The storming of the Sandy - what was that all about?
  • Did the Bury strikers get an emergency 'beam out'? Only Morrell looked a serious threat.
  • Chris O'Grady is officially not Lee Thorpe - he has a good pair of feet on him.
  • Goal celebrations! Thompson's weird 'body builder' thing and Dagnall's 'Nobby Stiles' were pretty impressive - Kennedy's wins though, he really is not a bucket anymore.
  • Who was that bloke who ran on the pitch? - how silly did he look?
  • Holness and Dawson - I did tell you last week.
  • Adam who?
  • Jones and Kennedy - they look better every game.

On the subject of excessive celebrations - had Mr. Stroud seen our post match performance we would have all been on a booking...

Sunday 23 August 2009

Bambi


Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rotherham United FC 2 - 1 Rochdale AFC

Journey

09:00 hrs, Siddall Moor playing fields. Clarence Jnrs. vs. Littleborough Yellows - pre-season friendly.

Along with Mr. Keane and Mr. Rigby, this morning finds me loitering on the touchline at Siddall Moor to view the culmination of The Yellows pre-season program. After last seasons thrilling promotion campaign - great things were expected this morning.

Sadly, things didn't really go to plan. Clarence's greater physical presence and incisive finishing through their gazelle-like number 7 consigned The Yellows to a 4-0 defeat. But for the heroics of Keane jnr in the Littleborough goal the damage could have been significantly worse.
More on the Mighty Yellows as their season unfolds...

As well as covering The Yellows promotion season, I managed to squeeze in every single Rochdale league fixture. On that Odyssey I was accompanied by Jane - my Sat Nav. You will notice that I didn't say 'faithful Sat Nav'. That is because 'she' went out of her way to make my quest very nearly impossible. She was the worst, most wilful, contrary, maddening piece of technology I have ever purchased - every journey was a complete lottery, getting to a game was marked by joy and relief in equal measure. You will note however that I said 'was'. That is because she is dead.

I tried an experimental test run on Saturday - nothing, wouldn't even start up. I tried hooking her up to Tom-Tom central for a software update. Still nothing. Ding-dong the witch is dead.

Good riddance to bad rubbish I say. However, I am sure she was cackling in her watery grave (I gave her a Viking burial in the canal, sort of), because once again she had mucked up my travel plans. Just how do you get to the Don Valley Stadium without Sat Nav? For that matter - how do you get anywhere without Sat Nav these days?

However, help was at hand. Mr. Keane agreed to lend me his Sat Nav . His Sat Nav is called Mary - and she is Irish. After about an hour of 'torning layft noy' and 'torning royt at the roynd aboyt' - followed by thirty extra minutes caused by my not paying attention, missing a turning and getting caught up in roadworks near Rotherham. I finally arrived in Sheffield - to watch Rotherham...

It appears that Mr. Ashworth's dark influence reaches across the Pennine's. My press pass was addressed to - Mr. Edam-Maughan. I wasn't that bothered - it's only game four and he is already pretty much out of ideas. I can wait this out.

Weather

Overcast, hot, humid and inundated with wasps.

Food

Being on the late side, I had to dash past the pie stand - casting a wistful backward glance as I went. It was probably for the best after my pie-a-thon on Tuesday night. I did however manage to get a free thimble of tea from the media lounge* at half-time.

*Slightly smaller than a veal crate.

Ground

Don Valley Stadium. World Student Games etc, etc. One covered stand where both sets of fans were housed (400+ Dale) - the balance being uncovered seats arrange round an eight lane running track.

Don Valley is actually quite a nice stadium - for athletics. For football it means that the fans are miles from the pitch and any attempt to generate a bit of atmosphere is defeated by the wide running track and the open sides. Mind you, the yellow painted stachions that support the fabric roof do make it look slightly like the Corkscrew at Alton Towers - scant consolation I suppose.

However, the stadium was not the talking point today. It was the pitch. Holier than thou, beat combo, U2, had played a gig at Don Valley last Thursday night (hence the shift to a Sunday kick-off). During which almost half of the grass had been turned into a yellow and brown abomination (leave a paddling pool on your lawn for a week - and U2 can achieve that authentic Don Valley look).

On a pitch of two halves and amid rumours of nails and glass on the surface - Mr. Sutton decided the game could go ahead.

News

In the wee small hours of Saturday morning a heavily armed convoy crawled into the car park at Spotland. As black clad man waved automatic weapons around and said 'hut!' and 'roger!' a number of boxes were smuggled into the club shop. The shirts have arrived!

I saw Playboy Dan covertly observing procedings amidst the away fans and sporting an example of the new, purple away shirt. It looked surprisingly stylish - but Playboy just has that knack with clothes. Dale's bid to empty Oldham's reserve squad continues with the loan signing of Chris O'Grady. At 6' 3" the well travelled young striker seems to have been brought in to fill the Lee Thorpe shaped hole left by - Lee Thorpe. In an exclusive interview with May Contain Football, Chris said: 'I am not the new Lee Thorpe', but went on to ask, 'do you know why there is a packet of Bic razors in my training kit?'.*

*Interview may be completely made up.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Stanton, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Buckley
For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Holness, Rundle, Stephens, Spencer, Shaw

Following Cheltenham's late, late show on Tuesday evening changes seemed likely. Stanton back in for Holness, Buckley slotting in at left midfield and Chris 'definitely not Lee Thorpe' O'Grady making his Dale debut alongside Dagnall.

The result on Tuesday was a shocking disappointment - Dale could and should have won, at the very least a draw would have been an acceptable return for the performance. However, Holness' brief lapse of concentration had allowed the League Two branch of Age Concern to steal a late and unlikely winner for the Robins. Very disappointing indeed.

Today wasn't going to be easy either - Rotherham had started their season well and the aquisition of Mrs. LeFondre's little boy from Rochdale meant that Dale would have their hands full this afternoon. Rotherham sized Dale up for a few minutes - and then went for the throat. Tom Pope conjouring up two early efforts - thankfully straight at Arthur - followed by a raking shot which had Arthur at full stretch to divert it away from danger.

Dale's defence were at 6's and 7's as Pope and LeFondre ran riot. Alfie producing a trademark roll off Kennedy(T) only to fire over the bar. The depth of Dale's defensive troubles became very clear when Arthur mis-cued a clearance straight at Alfie who easily squirmed free of Dawson and poked the ball into the net - Dale were only spared by the waving stick of the linesman who felt LeFondre had handled the ball. He hadn't. It was a huge let off.

For their part Dale had responded with a couple of efforts from Buckley both of which drifted wide and a decent shot from Dagnall which Warrington gathered at the second or third attempt. But the facts were that it was pretty well all Rotherham - Dale were hanging on - just.

As half time loomed it seemed that perhaps Dale had weathered the storm. But a needless and ill judged challenge from Stanton on Warne on the touchline, adjacent to the edge of the eighteen yard box gave The Millers a free kick and Stanton a yellow card. A swinging delivery picked out the littlest man in the box - who neatly headed it past the helpless Arthur. 1-0 Rotherham.

Alfie didn't celebrate - he trudged back to the halfway line looking like a man who had shopped his dad to the rozzers.

Mr. Culshaw and I mused that it was no more than Rotherham deserved and that Rochdale would struggle to find anyway back into the game. Shows what pundits know doesn't it!

Two minutes later Jones threaded a ball through a melee of red shirts and found Dagnall. One stride - shoot! The ball squirmed under Warrington and trickled toward the goal line. Dagnall hurdled the sprawling keeper and made sure. 1-1!

Apart from thanking my lucky stars for Chris Dagnall - there was just one thing on my mind at half time: Just what is the Rotherham mascot? Is it a cat? Is it a bear? and in either case - what has that got to do with Rotherham? Then it dawned on me - I don't actually care. What a waste of fifteen minutes that turned out to be.

Dale started the second period more positively and a pretty even quarter of an hour of football followed with Dale producing a few half chances . However, on the stroke of the hour Tom Pope got to the right byline - but not to worry, two Dale shirts were shepherding him to safety. Pope twisted, Pope turned and somehow delivered a cross to the near post. Warne slipped in ahead of Stanton and applied the finish. 2-1 Rotherham.

...and that was pretty much that.


Rundle came on for Buckley. Spencer came on for Thompson. Dale went 4-3-3. All to no avail. O'Grady had a shot well saved and a chance for Dagnall - created by the aftermath of a thunderous Jones free-kick - was clawed away by Warrington in the dying minutes.

2-1 Rotherham.

Speak your brains

Your cast for today: Myself, Playboy Dan & Mr. Keane.

  • Oh Alfie...


  • Whilst Dagnall's goal was far from beautiful - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It looked pretty good to me.


  • O'Grady looked good - and is definitely not the new Lee Thorpe.


  • Stanton's reintroduction seemed to unbalance the defence - if you have a problem, if no-one else can help and if you can find him...


  • Dale looked better with Rundle on the pitch - mark my words Mr. Hill. Mark them!


  • I will give U2 'Pride' and 'The Unforgettable Fire' - however, the state of the pitch today gives me one more reason to give Bono a jolly good ticking off - should I ever meet him - which is highly unlikley.


  • England won The Ashes - which was nice.

Some time ago Mr. Hill remarked that watching Rochdale was a little like watching soft porn -lots of fancy build-up, but...' I guess you know the rest. Today's performance from Dale barely classed as soft porn - more like Bambi. Entertaining but basically inoffensive.

Friday 21 August 2009

Gobsmacked

Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rochdale AFC 0 - 1 Cheltenham Town FC

Journey

A new job means a new journey – gone is the trip back from Wigan and all the joys that held – now I have to get to Rochdale from central Manchester. On the face of it – a shorter trip, without any motorways to blight my progress – however, I hadn’t figured on the number 17 bus.

Any attempt to get past it was thwarted by oncoming traffic or some fancy wheel work from the driver of said bus – he was throwing that big boy around like a sports car. In short – it took yonks to get to Spotland – and for every inch of that journey I would be kept company by Iggy Pop, grinning impishly from the back of said bus, whilst trying to sell me car insurance.

Iggy – you’ve changed man.

Iggy Pop selling car insurance, Johnny Rotten selling butter – what next? David Johansen selling Oil of Olay? Morrissey selling Shake n Vac? It just doesn’t seem right. Give it fifteen years and Marilyn Manson will be cheerfully encouraging you to eat at Burger King – probably with a fake family including a shiny wife and impossibly perfect, blonde children. Mark my words – it will happen.

Having finally shaken the 17 and Iggy’s mercantile motives I arrived at Spotland at quarter to seven. A brisk walk up to the ground, past the club shop (they have replaced the counter assistant with a tailors dummy – no-one seems to have noticed) and onward to reception. I strolled up to the counter and gave my name. The young lady behind the counter appeared to be choking. I had a horrible premonition – surely Mr. Ashworth hadn’t… Oh yes he had. My press pass was addressed to ‘Mr. Gardenov-Eden’. The young lady had by now regained her composure and said, ‘this is going to go on all season isn’t it?’

Depressingly, I think she might be right. Contemplating some foul revenge I made my way to the commentary box.

Weather

Ah, to be in God’s Country on a summer’s eve! I should have taken a picture.

Food

MEAT AND POTATO PIE! Believe it or not – I have been pie free since Dale’s last home game – in May! Tonight I not only fell off the wagon, I did so whilst performing a metaphorical cart-wheel (although why the cartwheel is metaphorical and the wagon isn’t, I honestly don’t know) – I had two of the little beauties.

Now the season has really started.

Away Support

Once again the Football League’s fixture computer has played a blinder*. The good folk of Gloucestershire being granted the chance of a ten hour round trip ‘oop Narth’ – on a Tuesday night. Unsurprisingly, only about 50 bothered.

* Well they say computer, I have it on good authority that the fixtures are actually sorted out by a retired geography teacher who believes he is possessed by Aleister Crowley – he’s called Frank and lives in a caravan near Cromer - a man in the pub told me, so it must be true.

News

After wild eyed panic amongst the Dale faithful at the weekend – there was stuff on the message boards and everything – Desmond the Dragon has reappeared after his mystery absence. As he is a Dragon, my guess is that he was off befriending young ladies who had been chained to trees in the Huddersfield area – I gather that sort of thing is still quite common there abouts.

Marcus Holness – show tunes? It seems an unlikely combination, but it just might explain our Marcus’s new Mr. T-esque barnet. I was browsing the internet at lunchtime today and found a write-up for ‘A-Team: The Musical’. Naturally I wish Marcus every success where ever this new career path may take him. The eagle eyed amongst you will have spotted that this has been a very slow news week.

Action

Your team for tonight:

GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Rundle
For: Dagnall, Buckley

Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Brown, Stevens, Spencer, Shaw, Higginbotham

Saturday had all gone rather swimmingly really – Dale had played well, despite the early departure of Stanton and had held an admittedly slightly leaden Aldershot quite comfortably for 75 minutes.

Then there had been that penalty. Well, it was a penalty – cos the ref said… But… Well just but.

In any case Dale romped off with the points and the job was a good un. So onward to tonight. With only Stanton sitting the game out (I saw him prowling the touchline like some angry carnivore during the warm-up) Dale made one change bringing in Mr. Musical Theatre, Marcus Holness, at centre-half.

Dale were apparently still dreaming of last minute victories when Cheltenham had a great chance to open the scoring in the opening minutes. Elvis Hammond (uh-huh) lashed an effort at Arthur who fumbled leaving a chance for all 7’ of Denton to sweep in and apply the finish.

Thankfully for Dale, Denton couldn’t winch his limbs out fast enough and the danger passed. With the initial scare out of the way Dale began to pass the ball around and create chances of their own. Buckley fired wide from a Thompson cross and Dawson seemed to have the ball in the net - only for the linesman to produce his waving stick. Cheltenham struck back with a dipping thunderbolt from Bozanic which had Arthur at full stretch - and then the coulda, shoulda, woulda moment for Dale arrived.

A sweet cross from Rundle, Dagnall six yards out, Brown in the Cheltenham goal with eyes closed and praying for divine intervention – and then the ball arrived in the Pearl Street Stand. I was looking for a tear in the netting, but there was none. Daggers had simply missed it. How very odd.

Minutes later Cheltenham’s Justin Richards slipped through the despairing lunge of Matt Flynn and bent the ball around Arthur – only to hit the outside of the goal frame. The half concluded with a rasping drive just north of the bar from Jones which had been set up initially by Dawson picking out Rundle from 50 yards away. It really is a rather good trick and it means that Mr. Culshaw gets to say ‘50 yard pinpoint pass’ more times in one game than he usually does in a season. It seems to keep him happy anyway.

Mr. Golden Gamble did his stuff – people looked vaguely disinterested – a lady from Preston won a signed match shirt - done. With his duties duly despatched the Golden One got down to his favoured halftime pusuit of divot stamping. There is something quite comforting about watching Mr. Golden Gamble’s half time gardening excursions – mostly because it means that we are not obliged to suffer the cross bar challenge.

Dale had been allowed a lot of room in the first period – a lot of room. At times Cheltenham would have been delighted to describe themselves as chasing shadows while Dale weaved their pretty patterns.

The second half began in much the same vein – Rundle creating a couple of great early efforts. However, it seemed words had been had in the Robins dressing room at half time. In fact they carried on through the second half as Cheltenham manager, Martin Allen, put on a passable impression of Godzilla in his technical area. Cheltenham got tighter and Dale found the going tougher. There were still chances for Dale – a great attempt at full stretch from Thompson being the pick – but Cheltenham were right back in it now.

Only a piece of comically bad finishing from Denton when one-on-one with Arthur stopped the Robins taking the lead. Shortly after Denton’s scuff with roly-poly dismount, Godzilla decided he had seen enough and subbed him for Barry Hayles. Hayles took little time to lash an effort just wide of the post – before reminding his youthful strike partner, Elvis Hammond (Uh thankyu ver much) , that he had fought a war for his sort.

As is the tradition, Dale took off Rundle who had done nothing wrong – instead of Thompson who had done little of note, and brought on Scott Spencer. With ten minutes to go, Elvis Hammond left the building to be replaced by the well upholstered form of Julian Alsop.

I sat and waited for time to run down and for Dale to collect their point. Drissa Diallo had a sit down, tied his laces, pulled up his socks, read the paper and did the crossword – for which Mr. Haines produced a yellow card.

With both sets of players seemingly a bit disinterested and the fans thoughts turning to a long trip home or a chippy tea – Holness got himself caught in possession by Hayles. The old master brushed Holness aside and ploughed on towards the unprotected Rochdale goal – switching the ball to the lolloping form of Alsop who shinned the ball past a flailing Kenny Arthur. 1-0 Cheltenham.


Mr. Haines added on five minutes – Godzilla went berserk – Dale couldn’t find a way through. 1-0 it stayed.

Speak your brains

OK, I launched this section as ‘In the Ratcliffe’ – however it dawned on me that it won’t really work for away games, or if no-one turned up, or if I take the hump and go straight home after the game; unless of course I change the title every time – which would be a load of mither I don’t need. So, Speak your brains it is.

Tonight’s cast: Myself, Mr. Keane and Keane jnr.

  • Very entertaining, good football from Dale – a great game to watch.


  • Dale should have had it wrapped up comfortably in the first half.


  • Daggers - Daggers - Daggers. Why!


  • Denton’s roly-poly was pure genius – especially when he appealed to the Mr. Haines for a penalty!


  • Has Adam Rundle ‘keyed’ Keith Hill’s car or something?


  • Scott Spencer is in fact - The Flash. With the possible exception of my good self moving towards the pie queue – he is the fastest thing anyone has seen at Spotland for years.


  • 89 minutes of comfortably pitying the fool from Holness – and then… Oh, dear. Did anyone see Hayles slip Holness a glass of milk?

However, the most eloquent reaction to tonight’s game came from Keane jnr. :

‘I’m gobsmacked!’.

Sunday 16 August 2009

Start!

Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rochdale AFC 1 - 0 Aldershot Town FC

Journey

I was meant to go to Port Vale. It was all planned - and then - cricket happened. On balance I wish I had gone to Port Vale. The weather at Headingly was good, but the cricket was bobbins. In spite of seeing David Gower, Ian Botham, Bob Willis, David Lloyd, Mark Nicholas and Shane Warne (who was having a sneaky fag behind the commentary box) - the remorseless progress of the Australian batsmen followed by a limp, timorous response from England meant that my first visit to an Ashes test was a bit rubbish. I should have gone to Port Vale. I really should.

I nearly went to Sheffield Wednesday - but work meant that I couldn't - and all things considered it was probably a bit of a mercy that I didn't. So today would be my first game of the season. After last term where I went to every game - yes,I really did - I felt like a bit of a part timer.

As I strolled towards Wilbutts Lane in a thickening tide of Dale fans I met Mr. Keane and Keane jnr. making their way to the ground. Over a bag of chips outside the Wilbutts Chippy we discussed the prospects for the season and the likelihood that the new shirts might finally be available for sale. Mr. Keane's view on the season was that it would be tough - with slender prospects of repeating the heroics of the last two years . A shortage of cash has meant that signings for Dale have been as rare as sightings of Osama Bin Laden - this on the back of a very aggressive clear out at the end of last season. We have some exciting youngsters on the books - but as Alan Hansen said, 'You win nothing with kids' - hang on! he got that horribly wrong didn't he. Just maybe eh?...

On the subject of shirts, the controversial shift from sportswear leviathan, Nike, to the unloved Cabrini brand has back-fired horribly. In the second week of the season Cabrini have failed to deliver a single shirt of saleable quality e.g the purple and white away shirt becomes purple and lilac after one wash. In these circumstances Premier League clubs would probably be a bit red-faced and issue a meaningless apology to their fans - but for Rochdale the loss of such an important source of ackers is deeply troubling. Myself and Mr. Keane would have forked over £160 today - I am sure we weren't on our own. The lesson for Rochdale AFC seems to be - buy cheap, pay twice - or worse.

Having wandered past the club shop (population: two tumble weeds) and exchanged pleasantries with Rochdale's very own international man of mystery, Playboy Dan, I pressed on to the main entrance to collect my press pass.

With press pass in hand - whilst uttering dark oathes against Rochdale's press officer, Mr. Ashworth (it was amusingly addressed to Mr. Edam-Cheese - it's funny because it sounds slightly like my name - apparrently) - I slipped through the side door, onto the players tunnel, past the dressing rooms (I'm not saying our squad are on the young side this term - but our new right back was being burped in the corridor) and out into bright sunshine next to the lush green of the pitch.

It's good to be back. Let's start.

Weather


Heavy, grey billows shrouded Rochdale this morning - punctuated by longish spells of horizontal rain. However, as the clock edged towards 3pm the clouds parted and we were treated to warm sunshine - accompanied by a blustery wind. Good footballing weather.

Food

So, I'm back on match commentary duties again. Considering my performance last term I can only assume that there were no other candidates available to support Mr. Culshaw - however, I'm not complaining. I get a great seat, I get to waffle on about football and of course there is the half time press buffet...

Erm, well, about that. Presumably due to the lack of replica shirt sales, the half time buffet has been canned. Cabrini you have a lot to answer for - an awful lot.



Away Support

Limited - 200 tops. It's a long way from the deep south.

News

The end of last season saw the departure of James Spencer, Mark Jones, Sam Russell, Nathan D'Laryea, Scott Wiseman, Lee Thorpe and Tom Newey was returned to Grimsby - with luck we will get a credit note for defective merchandise. Higginbotham, McEvilly & Keltie were transfer listed.

McEvilly was subsequently released and after the surprising transfer of Ramsden to Bradford, Wiseman was re-signed. Happily Higginbotham remains on the books - disappointingly, so does the wage bill that is Clark Keltie.

...and then the big surprise. Jason Kennedy. In the midst of a deepening financial crisis at Darlo Mr. Hill swooped in and snagged one of the best centre mid players in the league. All Dale fans recall with mixed emotions those two goals he scored against us - surely a great addition to the team.

Mr. Hill also brought in Accrington Stanley's Kenny Arthur and Leeds United's Matt Edwards to cover the now vacant goal keeping berth.

After that little flurry of activity, nothing happened for weeks - amid rumours of a cash crisis at Dale. However, the £1m+ transfer of Dale old boy Rickie Lambert from Bristol Rovers to Southampton - invoking a substantial sell on clause for Dale - sparked hope that signings were on the way.

So it was something of a surprise when the next news was the departure of St. Adam of LeFondre to semi-annual bankruptcy dodgers, Rotherham. Down the years I have made no secret of my admiration for my fellow Stopfordian and it was desperately diappointing to see him go - but cash being king these days the move makes sense - and it resolves that rather irksome question of whether to play Dagnall or LeFondre once and for all.

Since then Dale have been busy in the transfer market. The arrival of ex-Everton striker Scott Spencer on non-contract terms along with the loan signings of defender Matt Flynn from Macclesfield and midfielder Dale Stevens from Oldham have bolstered a squad weakened by longish layoff's for McArdle (dislocated shoulder) and Toner (shin splints). But just days after Notts County shelled out a reported £750,000 on Kasper Schmeichel (not to mention footing the bill for Sven's instatiable appetite for 'company') you have to wonder if a free and a couple of loaners is anywhwere near enough.

Action


Your team for today:

GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Stanton, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Rundle
For: Dagnall, Buckley

Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Holness, Stevens, Spencer, Shaw, Higginbotham

So after the disappointment of the opening day where the Valiants were gifted a penalty which earned them a share of the points and a fairly comprehensive drubbing at the hands of Sheffield Wednesday in the Additive Rich, Pop Trophy - Dale needed to make a point - or three. And no sooner had Mr. Gibbs indicated the start, Gary Jones hammered a shot just north of the bar - indicating Dale's intentions.

However, things quickly calmed down and the next fifteen minutes were pretty inconclusive as both sides sought to contain and break.

Then on the fifteen minute mark the incident of the first half unfolded. A Shot's counter attack released Marvin Morgan who was being marked by Stanton. Stanton looked favourite to win the ball - but some how allowed Morgan to get the wrong side of him - Morgan broke clear with only Arthur to beat - Stanton dropped him like a surplus mill chimney. Mr Gibbs had little choice or doubt - a straight red card. Stanton flounced off down the tunnel taking his frustration out on a helpless bag of spare football's.

Mr. Hill swiftly made changes - the luckless Rundle making way for Holness, who slotted in at centre half. Buckley switched to left midfield - leaving Dagnall to plough a loan furrow upfront.

Marvin Morgan had proved to be something of thorn in Dale's side both home and away last season - scoring in both encounters. The next twenty minutes of the half saw Morgan create an embarrasing level of chaos in the Dale rear-guard. However, as half time appoached and with the tie still level at 0-0, Messers. Holness and Dawson seemed to be getting the measure of the Aldershot target man. As Mr. Gibbs checked his watch Dagnall produced Dale's best effort of the half - which slid just wide of the back post.

Half time. Mr. Golden Gamble whipped the crowd into something approaching a frenzy - if polite indifference counts as a frenzy - and Mr. Culshaw and I reflected on what was to come: Aldershot would surely come out in the second half and seek to hammer Rochdale into the lush Spotland turf. A draw was really the best we could possibly hope for.

Mr. Hill, clearly had other ideas. In the manner of the metaphorical wounded animal - Dale attacked! Aldershot reeled back as Rochdale tore into their back line - forcing a goal-line clearance from a Buckley thunderbolt.

Aldershot looked deeply confused - this was not what was meant to happen at all. It took them twenty minutes to produce a serious effort on goal - which saw a great save from Arthur deny Kirk Hudson from 18 yards.

Substitutions followed - Wiseman for the rather excellent Matt Flynn on 68 and the Shot's Chalmers made way for Grant on 80. As the half drew towards a close it seemed that perhaps Dale might just sneak a point - Aldershot's forray's forward became fewer and less committed and the makeshift Dale rear-guard had Morgan well an truly under control.

As the board went up to indicate 3 minutes of added time - Mr. Culshaw indicated that I could do my shameless plug of this blog - probably as a sweetner for the total lack of buffet. I only managed about five words. Just as I started to speak, Chris Dagnall - who had had a thankless task against the Shot's centre halves, Blackburn and Hinshelwood, to this point - found some space and lashed an effort goalward. The ball crashed against Hinshelwood's arm - dead centre of the penalty area - Mr. Gibbs looked, Mr. Gibbs blew, Mr. Gibbs pointed. Penalty.

Kennedy(T) stepped forward and as 94 minutes clicked over, smashed the ball past Jaimez-Ruiz. 1-0 Dale!

Seconds later Mr. Gibbs blew the final whistle. What a start to my season. What a start!

In the Ratcliffe

In years gone by, this area of the report was turned over to Mr. Turner crazy antics. However, due to his inconsistent appearances I ended up making up all kinds of stuff to cover for him - although I don't think many people noticed - even when I said he had won a Brit Award, run for US Vice President and played for AC Milan.

This season we ring the changes and introduce a new section, 'In the Ratcliffe'. This will summarise the views of which ever wise monkey's drift into the back bar of the Ratcliffe Arm's after the game - and speak their brains.

This weeks cast are: myself, Mr. Mitchell, Mr. Keane and Keane jnr.

  • The new home kit looks well - shame you can't buy one.


  • It was no more a penalty than the one last week - but that's karma I guess.


  • Stanton deserved to go - he had an armful of Morgan's shirt.


  • In spite of the message board chatter slamming the signing of Matt Flynn from Macc - 'Macc Reject' was the general theme - he turned in a solid if unspectacular performance.


  • Dawson was awesome (poetry?) - who knew a centre half could consistently pick out a man from 40 yards? - like a young Rio Ferdinand according to Mr. Keane.


  • Thompson has bulked up and discovered the ability to go forward over the summer - which can only be good things.


  • Jones was observed out-pacing people - training with all these wain's obviously has some advantages.


  • Dagnall ran, and ran, and ran - in spite of close attention (in some countries it would count as assault) from the Shot's centre backs - he never gave up and in the end carved out the opportunity for Dale's winner. A gritty performance.


  • We would have gone on - but on the big screen Denilson produced one of the prettiest goals I have ever seen for Arsenal against Everton - after which we all became slightly distracted and moved onto Arsenal's prospects this season.

Stand by for more semi-informed opinion in the coming weeks.

Saturday 1 August 2009

Don't stop me now!

Summer holidays. Like a lot of people, I scrimp and save my pennies all year long to afford my two weeks in the sun.


Two weeks of rest, relaxation, over indulgence, stomach upsets, sunburn and insect bites. Bliss.


But as good as all of that sounds - being a Rochdale fan; my annual trip to foreign parts has a few hidden extras.


It usually begins on the first day of the holiday - on that inevitable trudge to a supermarket for supplies. As you meander along some dusty street in Greece, Turkey, Spain or wherever your fancy takes you - you become aware that the bloke walking towards you has developed a sudden and unswerving interest in your left nipple. He is being as casual as you like - trying not to draw attention to himself - but the look of fixed concentration tells you all you need to know. He stares and stares until you are a matter of feet apart - and then you see the dawn of realisation spread across his face and he walks onward seemingly satisfied with his James Bond-esque surveillance work.

Before we go any further I should point out that my left nipple in and of itself is not of particular note: no piercings, no individualistic tattoo's. The reason for the interest is simply that I am wearing my Rochdale shirt - and that like most Rochdale fans abroad, I am probably the only one for miles around. In truth, I am probably the only one my fellow tourist has ever seen. My guess is that he scuttled back to his apartment and uttered in a breathless tone - "You are not gonna believe what I just saw...". Well maybe.

We Rochdale fans are truly a rare and exotic breed - it makes you feel rather proud.

But the reaction of the occasional 'stealth' tourist is nothing to the reaction from the locals. I have had the following conversation with just about every holiday barman I have met down the years:

"What is your team my friend?"
"Rochdale"

The responses have been: "Who?", "Do you like any big teams?", "Do you like any teams I have heard of?", "Why?", "Don't you like football?", "What is Rochdale?" - mostly you just get a very polite but utterly blank expression.

In Turkey last year I was reading the menu board outside a restaurant when I became aware of a bit of a commotion to my right. A waiter was shouting at the top of his voice: "Hey Newcastle! Come inside, I do very good price". After a moment it became clear that he was in fact shouting at me (centenary shirt you see). Fair enough I thought - I was pretty hungry, so I gathered up my family and walked over to him. As I did, he looked at my left nipple, pointed at the offending area and with a look of barely concealed disgust said: "What - is this?".

I can also reveal that wearing either the current home shirt or the centenary shirt in Rome guarantees numerous funny - boardering on aggressive - looks and really slow service in any resatuarant, cafe or bar - presumably from Lazio and Roma fans. However, in Sydney wearing a Rochdale shirt will guarantee that random Australian's will stop you in the street to excitedly tell you that their father, mother or grandparent was from Rochdale.

Wherever you go, being a Rochdale fan certainly attracts attention.

However, this years 'Rochdale On Tour' experience was a little more special than most.  I was in Area 51 - the bar in Sidari, Corfu (not the super secret defence related installation in Nevada - I did try booking the one in Nevada - but Thomas Cook don't seem to have it on their website), listening to the musical stylings of Keith Mitchell - literally, if you can shout it out, he can play and sing it - his version of 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' was brilliant.

As Keith shared his amazingly diverse repertoire with us I reflected on the last couple of seasons for Dale.

In the 2007/08 season after yet another serious soaking at Macclesfield I started writing a Dale blog on Facebook. What started out as a bit of a joke for the benefit of a few friends gained momentum as Rochdale surged into the play-off's and then all the way to Wembley. For 2008/09 I decided to indulge a boyhood dream - to get to every League fixture, home and away and blog my journey on Facebook.

It was a truly amazing journey. I escorted a Norwegian Dale fan on his first visit to Spotland. Met god (possibly). Made my debut as a match comentator on hospital radio. Became Dale's official photographer for one night. Gave Rory McArdle a lift to hospital and prayed for divine intervention on that May Sunday night at Gillingham.

The thing was - what next? I had done what I set out to do. So that was that then. The end. Time for a rest.

Which brings me neatly back to Area 51. As I enjoyed Keith's interpretation of Suspicious Minds and sipped on a pint I was keeping half an eye on the big screen which was showing Sky Sports News.

Then something happened...

The picture cut away from the smartly suited man talking into the camera and a face appeared. On the screen the face was easily three feet accross. Flushed and beaded with sweat it was a very familliar face. I jumped out of my seat and pointed - "THAT'S DAGGERS!". Indeed it was - Chris Dagnall. Sky Sports News were showing two minutes of highlights of Dale's friendly against Everton. I was entranced. Spotland - on telly - in Corfu! Unsurprisingy Everton won - 4-1 - and the caption man insisted on referring to Craig Dawson as Craig Dobson - but it didn't matter.

I may have been thinking of retiring from my mission to educate the world about Rochdale AFC before that moment - but after it, my mind was made up. Anything which is capable of making me jump out of my chair is surely too precious to leave behind.

I had been half heartedly toying with the idea of a new blog for the 2009/10 season before that moment in Corfu. After it, May Contain Football became a very real thing.

So what can you expect from May Contain Football? Well, the title is something of a give away. Some of it is actually about football - Rochdale AFC to be precise. The rest is preoccupied with largely non-football related material - my eternal struggle with the most uncooperative Sat Nav in the world, the state of driving in Britain these days, the nonsense that is half time entertainment, why club mascots are desirable or even necessary - oh, and quite a lot about pies, actually an awful lot about pies.

If you only read one Dale related blog this season which is mostly nothing to do with football - read this one. Otherwise read any one of the others - there are some really good ones, they talk about tactics, formations and such. You will get none of that here.

Enjoy!