Sunday 27 September 2009

Ole!


Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2


Rochdale AFC 4 - 1 Hereford United FC

Journey

Having missed the win down at Northampton I was pretty excited this morning.  Dale were on a roll!  What is more, today's oponents were languishing near the bottom of the table -  Dale could make it three wins from three!


Ah... About that...


Hereford have been away for a year - galivanting in 'that' League One - but I do remember the last time they were at Spotland.  That was a pretty desperate night - a 4-2 hammering - mostly at the hands of Sherjill MacDonald who racked up a hat-trick.  And It got worse - in spite of not actually having to do pre-match research this week (Mr. Culshaw is back, so I'm back to making vaugely relevant quips again) I did some.  A quick trawl of t'interweb revealed that Dale hadn't beaten Hereford at Spotland since 1993.  


1993!  For goodness sake!  I had hair and could breeze past a pie shop with only mild interest in those days.  My initial excitement ebbed a bit.  As is the way of things, Hereford would almost certainly pick today to get their season back on track.  


Foundless optimism to futile worrying in three short paragraphs - the joy of Dale...

Sunday 13 September 2009

Test Match Special

Rola-Cola Sponsored English League 2

Rochdale AFC 2 - 1 Torquay United FC

Journey

Morecambe. Dale 3-0 down at half time - and then the come back of all comebacks. Goals from Dagnall, Thompson & Stevens retrieved a very unlikely point for Dale. Where was I - you might well ask? Jumping up and down behind the goal at Christie Park? No. I was fast asleep on a train heading north from 'that' London. I missed the whole thing. It always seems to be the way that the ones you miss are the best ones.

To this day Mr. Keane amuses himself by reminding me of the day I decided not to go to Halifax - the day Jason Peake scored 'that' goal. The only mercy was that Mr. Keane hadn't gone to Morecambe - otherwise that would have been another arrow in his quiver.

So having seen no football for a week - the solution was simple. This weekend I would 'over football'.

Friday night. Accrington. I should probably explain...

Accrington are in trouble. Big trouble. An unpaid tax bill of £300k hangs over our East Lancashire neighbours like the proverbial sword of Damocles. However, unlike some of the more unscrupulous residents of the Football League who would be planning a quick trip through the administration laundromat - Accrington are actually trying to raise the money. What a strange idea - actually paying off your creditors - revolutionary.

So with Mr. Keane and Princess Keane, along with Mrs. Eden-Maughan and a new addition for the 09/10 season: Ms. Croney. we made the trip over the hill to watch Stanley take on Darlo. The game ended 2-1 to Stanley. It was a good entertaining game, Stanley probably should have won by a couple more - but a win is a win.

What was amazing was the crowd. Naturally, there was loads of Accrington - although only about 100 Darlo - but there were Burnley, Bury, Blackburn and Dale fans - I saw a couple of Morecambe fans, there were Blackpool fans, just behind us were a knot of Tranmere fans and I heard a couple of London accents in the pie queue. The crowd was 3200 - about double the normal home gate. Not quite the required £300k - but a decent start. I really hope Accy find the rest of the cash - and judging from tonight, I'm not alone.

I nearly went along to watch the Mighty Yellows first game of the season at Harehill Park this morning - but I had other commitments. As Mr. Culshaw had bunked off to sun himself in t'Portugal - I would be leading the line on Roche Valley Radio's live match commentary today. Which meant I had to prepare pre-match comments for the very first time. After two and a half hours of trawling the web for stats about the teams I was left wondering: how on earth did commentators do this before t'interweb? Was there a book or something? Did people just remember that Rochdale's first meeting with Torquay was 4th September 1959 (which ended one apiece)? After some trial and error a side of A4 was duly typed up and printed out - and I was left slightly in awe of my commentating forefathers.

At 13:45 Mr. Keane arrived hot foot from Harehill Park with news of a convincing 5-2 win for the Yellows - and bore me and the radio gubbins up to Spotland. By his standards Mr. Keane was somewhat subdued this afternoon - and there was a reason. Mr. Culshaw's absence meant that there would be a spare seat in the commentary box - and after some arm twisting on Friday night - Mr. Keane had agreed to fill it.

With me leading the commentary for the very first time and Mr. Keane making his radio debut - what could possibly go wrong...

Weather

Today's guests had rather thoughtfully brought us a taste of the south coast sunshine today. Clear blue skies and warm sunshine - 'kiss me quick' hat optional.

Food

None. Two things stood in my way:

A) I had to assemble the broadcasting equipment for the first time. Mr. Keane did his best to help - but it all went a bit Chuckle Brothers. To me - to you!
B) The arrival of the team sheet meant that a good chunk of my morning's labours had to be hastily rewritten in Biro. Something familiar to commentators of all era's I guess.

Away Support

They may have brought the sunshine - but it clearly meant that there wasn't much room for fans. 100 - if that.

News

Flu. Jones and then O'Grady succumbed but were fully recovered for today - Holness was not so lucky though. His attack of the lurgy would keep him out of today's game - meaning he probably spent the day on the sofa watching Sky Sports while his girlfriend explained to him that it was 'just a bit of a sniffle'.

Le Fondre nominated for player of the month. Yeah - really annoying isn't it.

Action

Your team for today:

GK: Arthur
Def: Wiseman, Stanton, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Jones, Buckley
For: Dagnall, O'Grady

Bench: Edwards, Brown, Flynn, Rundle, Stevens, Spencer, Higginbotham

With the sun beating down on Spotland, Dale started the game with a sparkle that matched the weather. Torquay looked flat footed and totally unprepared for the speed and precision of Dale's play. For twenty minutes Dale ran riot - Buckley in particular having a field day at the expense of the Gulls ponderous right back, Nicholson. Dagnall and O'Grady for their part were almost unplayable. However, as has been the way this season, for all the pretty football - Dale had not made it count. A bad habit which can have nasty consequences.

Just as the Spotland faithful began to shift uncomfortably in their seats it seemed that their worst fears had been realised. In spite of being little better than spectators in the game so far - Torquay had the ball in the Rochdale goal - courtesy of Benyon. A stunned hush spread around Spotland and I made a noise akin to death rattle into the microphone. Then I heard the best three words in the world come through my headset - 'he's off side' quipped Mr. Keane - pointing to the linesman's outstretched waving stick. A huge let off.

Dale very quickly got their act together. Kennedy (J) produced a decent effort from close range - anything less than 30 yards is close for our Jason - but it flew wide. However, minutes later Rochdale were in the lead.

It began innocuously enough. The tireless Dagnall challenged for the ball on the right - on balance he probably shouldn't have won the ball - but the Torquay man folded under the pressure of Dagnall's hectoring and Daggers was away. A cross-field ball found Kennedy (J) who deftly picked out Buckley on the Dale left. Buckley sliced through two bamboozled Gulls defenders and drilled a low cross in the area where Dagnall reappeared to apply the finish. 1-0 Dale!

Dale continued to roll forward, Torquay continued to look stunned - their lethargic back four only really looked happy when they were making their way to the safety of the dressing room at half time.

In the interval Mr. Keane and I had time to reflect on our performance so far. In a change to the normal format, we weren't doing continuous commentary today - we were doing 10-15 minute stints and then handing over to Messers Pickup and Gaffney who were covering the Bury/Cheltenham game at Gigg Lane. The team at Bury were very professional - they knew all of the players names and spent quite a lot of time analysing the particulars of the game. Mr. Keane and I were mostly having a nice chat which from time to time referenced the fact that a football match was going on. Improvement required - we felt.

The second half got going and the Gulls made a string of quick substitutions - most notably the arrival of Hargreaves for Benyon around the hour mark. Hargreaves' arrival sparked a bit more drive from Torquay and they enjoyed a ten minutes spell where they generated a few chances. However, the Dale defence had the measure and more than the measure of the Torquay attacks - as each thrust was parried, Dale countered ferociously.


However, It was still just 1-0. Comfortable but by no means assured. A tired looking Will Buckley made way for Adam Rundle on 73 and just three minutes later Dale scored again.


A goal kick from Arthur, flicked on by O'Grady found Dagnall. Stand-in centre back Hargreaves tried vainly to intervene but found himself turned inside-out by Dagnall who raced onward and poked the ball past Torquay's on-loan keeper, Poke. 2-0 Dale!

So, all done then? Mmm - not quite. Just as normal time was running out Torquay drove forward. Some sketchy Dale defending saw the ball pinging around in the area before it fell to Hargreaves who cracked the ball into the roof of the net. 2-1.

A few nervy moments followed as Torquay sought an unlikely equaliser. However, their best effort cleared the bar, the Sandy, the tree's behind the Sandy, Sandy Lane, Greave and was subsequently shot down by the RAF as a potential hostile.

2-1 it stayed.

Speak your brains

Your cast for today: Myself and Mr. Keane.
  • Dagnall was immense - no pun intended - oh, go on then.
  • Buckley Is Back! Quiet in the second half, but irrepressible in the first.

  • O'Grady needs a goal to really make a mark - but excellent all game.


  • Alfie has gone - Dale have no money - but they're still playing great football. Despite the late goal for Torquay, today was a cracking performance.


  • Did anyone else clock the wig on the Torquay physio? Roy Orbison really isn't dead.


  • As we were wrapping up, news came in that Cheltenham had scored against Bury in the 94th minute. Naturally, we were very professional about it.

OK - commentary. Mr. Keane was delighted with his first run out - he did a great job considering he was dropped in at such late notice. On reflection, we were probably not in the same league as the chaps at Bury who had clearly had loads of practice and will probably go on to make a career of it - we were a bit more Test Match Special than Match Of The Day. Two grumpy old fella's passing the time of day while a sporting event went on in the background - if only we had received a nice fruit cake from Mrs. Enderby of Barnstaple.

Sunday 6 September 2009

Bothered?


Johnstone’s Paint Tin: First Round

Rochdale AFC 1 - 2 Bradford City FC

Journey

A 7:15 kick-off. Sometimes I really feel that the football gods are laughing at me. Why 7:15? What is wrong with trust old 7:45? I didn’t check the TV listings – but I am fairly sure that tonight’s game wasn’t going out live via satellite across the globe and that Dale were pandering to the all important Japanese audience. I could be wrong though.

What a 7:15 start meant to me was some tyre smokin’ action through Blackley, Harpurhey, Middleton and Castleton. David Starsky would have been proud of me – he might even have rewarded me with a run out in his belt-tie cardy. A handsome garment if ever there was one. What was a little surprising however, was the number of men walking back and forth across Rochdale Road with large sheets of plate glass, and I simply lost count of the number of piles of chickens in wooden crates I had to drive through in Harpurhey – and don’t even get me started on the piles of cardboard boxes in Castleton.
Finishing off my Manchester to Rochdale sprint with a perfectly executed hand-brake assisted parking manoeuvre. I strode purposefully towards Spotland. From the noise I deduced that the game had already started, I was late. Those chickens gave their lives needlessly – all thanks to a 7:15 kick-off – I hope you are proud of yourselves Japanese football watching types.

Reception. Press pass. Made out in my name. In you face Mr. Ashworth – I won that! I told you it was just a waiting game.


At a breathless stumble I arrived at my commentary position - to find it deserted. The gear was all set up – but no Mr. Culshaw. A quick scan round: and there he was – he had bunked off and joined the Dale Player commentary team. In a break from hob-nobbing with the afore-mentioned Mr. Ashworth*, Mr Culshaw told me to get the head phones on, let the studio know I was there and give them an update if anything happened.

I did as I was told…

On balance I wish I hadn’t. For the next two hours I would be an irregular participant in Roche Valley Radio’s Irish music night hosted by the mercurial man of Eire, Mr. Paige. I am not a massive fan of the folkish stylings of the Emerald Isle – in fact, I would go as far to say that my version of hell involves being forced to listen to Irish music, whilst watching a meaningless cup tie, at a stupid kick off time…

Oh. How ironic…

*I hadn’t won at all had I? He’d nicked my commentary partner – this is becoming like a duel with the greatest criminal mind in the world – who also happens to be Dale’s press officer.

Weather

Slightly more ‘feathery’ in Hurperhey than is the norm – other than that – cloudy and bit chilly.

Food

I was late, so no pre-game noshings today. However, after an over generous slice of ‘the crack’ from Mr. Paige - interspersed with diddley, diddley, diddley: I felt I had earned a pie.

As I silently munched my treat, with my head phones back on – a group of gentlemen from the lovely city of Cork tried to convince me that Barrak Obama is in fact Irish, to a jaunty rhythm, whilst torturing a selection of innocent string instruments. B’gorra.

Away Support

61million. Ok, that may actually be the population of Great Britain. But after all the hoo-hah about the number of fans Bradford actually brought last season – I decided to err on the side of caution – and just say that everyone in Britain was there. That way no-one will be offended, put out or otherwise discomnockerated.

News

Thorpe returns to Spotland on loan. During half time I spotted a steward in the main stand who is the living image of Lee Thorpe. Things really must be tough at Darlo. He seemed to do a decent job though – playing as a hold-up steward, looking to bring his colleagues into the game.

Action

Your team for tonight:

GK: Arthur
Def: Flynn, Holness, Dawson, Kennedy(T)
Mid: Thompson, Kennedy(J), Flitcroft, Rundle
For: Dagnall, Buckley
Bench: Edwards, Wiseman, Brown, Spencer, Higginbotham

After the raptures of last weekend where the Shakers were sent back through Heywood with their tail’s firmly between their legs and the folk of Rochdale celebrated long into the night – we come to tonight. Cup football.

Not the FAmous Cup, not even the Rola-Cola Cup – tonight is The Paint Tin.

The rather sparsely populated stands suggested that there is not a lot of love for this little competition – there was only 1800 in Spotland tonight (don’t tell the Bradford fans). Perhaps due to the limited significance of this game Mr. Hill decided to have a tinker with the team which saw off Bury. Flitcroft replacing Jones in midfield, Rundle coming in on the left wing and Buckley going up top in place of O’Grady.

The first half was a fairly tepid affair. Rochdale played some nice, tidy stuff – Rundle causing difficulties for the Bantam’s Bateson and linking up nicely with Dagnall and Buckley, Flitcroft providing a solid presence in the middle of the park. For Bradford, Neilson on the right was a regular threat and Evans was a tireless target for every Bradford move.

However, in front of a listless crowd and in spite of some decent quality football the game failed to spark into life until just before the break when Dagnall rattled the Yorkshire cross bar. Dagnall’s effort was one of only two serious Dale efforts in the first 45 – Buckley had headed straight at Eastwood in the Bradford goal early in the half. Bradford’s few efforts were speculative at best.

During half time I rang Mr. Keane to get his thoughts on the game. He was unable to help – on account of being safely tucked up in his living room. Even Mr. Keane – the ultimate Dale stalwart - had passed on this game. The magic of cup football – not.

The second half started far more brightly. Dale built on the neat and tidy play of the first half with a real injection of desire. Fifteen minutes of Dale dominance finally achieved the break through when after a Rundle free kick Bradford had failed to clear their lines and the ball dropped to Craig Dawson in the area. With his head heavily bandaged after a coming together in the first half, Dawson controlled, Dawson turned, Dawson pulled the trigger. 1-0 Dale!

Minutes later Spencer (who had replaced Buckley on 60) had a glorious chance to turn the screw still further on the Bantams when one-on-one with Eastwood. Eastwood was however equal to the challenge.

Having had a serious fright, Bradford snapped into action. The Bantams rolled forward and Dale retreated from the onslaught. Evans and Neilson produced selection of decent efforts testing Arthur and then on 75 minutes Bradford were awarded a fortuitous freekick – twenty yards from goal. Young Bantams left back Michael Flynn stepped up and lashed the ball through the wall and past Arthur. 1-1.

Dale were visibly shaken. The neat play seen so far evaporated, Bradford were on the march. Just five minutes later slack Dale defending allowed Neilson to tee up a shot from twenty five yards – it collected a wicked deflection in transit, squirted up in the air and left Arthur completely stranded. 2-1 Bradford.

Dale seemed powerless to respond. Every attempt to drive upfield was stoutly rebuffed as Bradford set themselves to defend their lead.

With the house wives favourite, Daniel O’Donnell, crooning softly in my ears, Mr. Eltringham brought matters to a close.


Speak your Brains 

Your cast for tonight: me – because no one else could be bothered to turn up!

  • I predict big things for that Flitcroft boy – possibly a kebab


  • Craig Dawson = Craig Awesome


  • Do I not like cup football – or Irish music

My final thoughts on tonight: - Look at my face - Does it look bothered? - Does my face look bothered to you? - Face - Bothered? - Face - Bothered? - I am not bothered!

With a needless cup distraction avoided – it’s back to the important business of the League.